How to save a marriage when he wants out? A question that constitutes fear, agony, frustration, love, anger and dilemma.........Right?
I know you have visited my blog with lots of hope of saving your marriage which is probably on the brink of divorce.
Let me console you my friend, your relationship can definitely change and it will change to explore all the good things in the world.
I have seen relationships crumble like cards and I have seen same cards building a beautiful house of cards again.
In other words I have seen married couples in my real lives where there was no hope and they were ready to quit.
But as they say nothing is constant in this world this same couple who were fighting like cat and mouse discovered the relationship of their dreams.
I can understand that it's extremely difficult to save a marriage from divorce when he constantly repeat the same phrases again and again that it’s the end.
These are harsh words that kill and break you from inside especially when you're the only one who's desperately trying to make the marriage work even when you don't see any hope or solution.
The man who hate you today, for once you were his darling and sweet heart. Now it's time even though you both share the same bed room, but you share it like strangers.
There was time when you googled to search for best gift ideas for husband, now is the time when you google to search How to save a marriage when he wants out.
The pain in your heart is unbearable, a pain that never subsides during the day and keeps you awake all night. No hope no light you see to fix your beautiful marriage
#1. Understand That You're Not The Only One Who's Marriage is On The Brink Of Divorce.
If you google now you'll find out as per statistics, more than 32 million married couples are facing obstacles in their married life every minute and every second.
But the hopeful fact that I found in this studies are that more than eighty seven percent of the couples of do not want their marriage to fail which is really an inspirational thing for you too.
The only problem with these couples is just like you they too don't know how to save their marriage from the brink of divorce. It could be you've already seek some marriage counselling but it didn't help too.
It's because around 50% of couple who seek marriage counselling unfortunately there marriage end up in divorce and only 10 to 15% experience some significant improvement but still somewhere they felt isolated and lonely in their marriage.
To Be Honest Most Marriage Advice is Just Crap
Most Psychologists, Researchers and Marriage counselors have revealed the bitter truth that the actual fact behind your spouse not willing to stay in marriage with you is not because they have found someone else.
And it's also not because they're not in love with you anymore and it's even not because they believe somewhere that getting out of the marriage will give them the freedom and peace that they desperately crave.
The truth is staying in the marriage is making them feel miserable.
So the point is getting to the root cause of the problem to dig out what's actually making them miserable and what you can do to heal and make that miserable feeling go away.
So rather than pushing your spouse to get back happily in the marriage which actually pushes them further away, WHY NOT CURE THE ROOT CAUSE OF THE PROBLEM.
STEPS TO CURE THAT MISERABLE FEELING
#2. The Best Way To Cure That Miserable Feeling is By Dealing With Real Problem Which in My Eyes is Misperception.
How you perceive each other has lot to do with the success of your marriage.
Many researchers and even couples believe if you can improve the communication you can solve most problems in your married life........But that's not 100 % true.
Better communication will only help you to be more efficient in your arguments and fighting skills which limits the intensity of love for one another I believe.
When you try to communicate in better way, you try not to speak words that will hurt his or her sentiments.
In other words both the partners try to manipulate things to make each other feel comfortable which is not natural in my eyes.
To be honest I am not against communication, in fact it's an important factor for success of any marriage but definitely not the lead one.
On the other hand if you try to clear the misperceptions communication will automatically become natural and easier.
Most marriages doom due to one critical factor which is YOU AND ME.
Everyone wants to talk just about themselves, there own problems and no one want to talk about how to opposite person is feeling.
Successful couples are those who believe in moving from YOU AND ME to WE. YES it's not easy but those who do it live the best married life.
Trust me the root cause of that miserable feeling in your married life is the YOU AND ME factor.
Do you know when you argue or fight with your spouse using the word you, me and I. It evokes selfishness, hatred and conflict naturally.
The moment you start using the word 'WE' it involves both of you whether it's loving, fighting or arguing both are equally responsible for everything.
The YOU AND ME factor is like a business model where you try to balance the ledger.
It's because successful businesses are based on these ledger balancing and accounting principles. But relationships are not, you cannot do business in relationships.
Remember marriage is all about staying happy even when the ledger is not balanced.
It's a partnership that has to be built on the WE factor and not on the YOU AND ME factor. In other words not on the profit and loss factor.
Note that getting into the WE factor requires persistent effort and understanding. It's invisible but very true entity........that can make or break your marriage.
Source - savethemarriage.com
If you see the above Venn diagram it is basically a analytical representation of a healthy and successful marriage.
It quotes that when Accurate perception is combined with clear communication and right action. It automatically leads to a success marriage.
Whether you're a woman or man, if you want to learn how to save a marriage when one wants out. Just master these three core ingredients in detail and see the transformation in your married life for yourself.
#5. Accurate Perception Can Save Your Marriage From Divorce
Accurate perception is all about looking at the bigger picture in other words seeing your spouse in the realistic sense by understanding the way they think and execute things.
But before you do that better understand that each one of us get around 60 thousand thoughts every day and it's nearly impossible to understand each other's perception of reality 100 percent accurately.
To understand your spouse's perception and thinking in better way you first need to understand their intentions.
Say For Instance: It could be that your husband don't like eating chicken in the night, but you do and just because you like eating in the night you cook it.
On the other hand he gets angry on you because in spite of him telling you again and again you keep doing the same thing. Now seeing him angry you too get angry and suddenly the whole atmosphere gets polluted.
What do you understand from the above example.
The point is you're not ready to understand his perception and view and that is possible only when you put yourself in his shoe. That is why I said above understand the intentions.
Remember no one wants to fight or argue, but it's our actions that pushes others to react negatively.
Now in the above example the ideal solution was keeping his words and keeping yours too.
In other words you can cook sometimes and sometimes avoid too, in this way both will be happy as both are ready to sacrifice once in a while by understanding each others intentions and perceptions.
#6. Clear Communication Can Save Your Marriage From Divorce
Unless you develop and learn the idea of accurate perception you cannot master the art of clear communication.
If there are misperceptions in your married life your communication will be ineffective, clouded, misleading and not to the point.
Say For Instance: I had a college friend in my 20's he always use to criticize others for being angry on him. He always believed that whatever he speaks people take it negatively and get angry on him.
But in reality it wasn't true. It was his perception about others, in fact there were many who liked and loved him. But the point was since his mind had already pictured that sort of perception so he believed that way.
If you're still not clear I'll explain again. Clear communication will exist only when you have accurate perception of others thoughts and actions.
As far as your marriage is concerned. To have clear communication you also need to spend more time with your spouse.
Tell me how many times in a day you sit with your spouse and talk about love, happiness and prosperous things hardly few minutes or maybe not even that.
On the other hand count the number of times you fight and argue with your spouse on little things that actually don't even matter........It's EYE OPENING if you think about it seriously.
Research shows that most couple spend less than three and half minutes taking together per day on an average which is a danger signal in itself.
Note that your marriage cannot prosper on three and half minutes per day. You must create some time out of your busy schedule to talk with your partner.
Trust me it will automatically lead to deeper conversation and the emotional bonding will automatically increase.
Also the grudges, fights and conflicts will slowly start to walk away from your marital life and eventually your communication will also turn clearer.
#7.Right Action Can Save Your Marriage From The Brink of Divorce
Right actions can be a reality only when you look after each other's comfort and needs.
Once you learn to look after your partner's comfort your married life automatically takes a U turn and move back again to WE time.
It's because right actions automatically lead to right decisions. Now I want to make one thing very clear.
Right action is not only about looking at your partners need and comfort. It's also about creating the right balance.
Say For Instance: Your husband love drinking alcohol and he finds comfort in that, looking after your partner's comfort and need doesn't mean you allow him to drink night and day.
In stead you need to create that right balance that will serve the relationship for better. You have to resist and ask him to drink occasionally and not continuously this is what I mean by Right Action........
Note that right action can helps the couple to move forward positively. I believe it is one of the places that can begin to shift the momentum on the right path.
#8. Avoid Unhealthy Arguments
"The aim of argument or of discussion should not be victory but progress".... Joseph Joubert.
What do you mean by argument? Argument can be defined as two people with different opinion and mindset trying to convince one another of being right.
It is basically a unproductive "tug-of-war" with no conclusion. It's important to give up on argument or else one day you will be forced to give up on your relationship.
Argument cannot be healthy unless two people are ready to accept what's actually wrong and what's right which is rarely possible so better give up on argument, that's the best possible solution.
Note that every human see the world in their own unique way same holds true in your relationship too.
What's right for you, it could be absolutely wrong for your spouse because they see it differently.
Note that you don't always need to agree on your spouse's thoughts, the only thing you need to do is kill your ego and give up.
Trust me that doesn't mean you're wrong or they're right. It just means that you value the relationship more than the argument......I hope it's making sense to you.
#9. Compliment Each other It is Again One of The Best Ways To Save a Marriage Which is On The Verge of Divorce.
Complimentary one another is very important for the prosperity of your married life. It's the heart and soul of your married life.
By complimenting you complete each other as a whole.
Remember you hold the power to make or break your married life.
By complimenting you develop the habit of overcoming each other's flaws and weaknesses which is very significant for the success of any relationship.
I want you share with you my own story which is really help you understand the true power of complimenting each other.
I have been happily married for 5 years now, there was time in my married life when me and my wife use to fight everyday on little issues. I don't know why but for some reason the relationship chemistry was fading away.
We use to argue and blame each other on little things that made no sense.... Suddenly one day my father asked us a simple question "What was that one thing that attracted you guys in first place"
My eyes were moist and her's too. Suddenly all that anger, argument and conflict was gone. Do you know why? It happened because my mind went in flash back thinking of the good memories and the compliments we gave and received.
The point is when you keep arguing with your spouse the distance keeps increasing and you tend to get more apart . On the other hand when you keep the spice of compliment and appreciation alive you keep coming closer and closer.........
Now you decide what you want in your married life argument or compliment. Remember only one can stay out of the two.
#10. Don't Make Decisions For Self Benefit Make Decisions For The Benefit of The Relationship
Selfishness is natural and inbuilt in human, but it becomes a point of concern when you become too selfish and that too in your intimate relationships.
In other words you only look for what's best for you, ignoring the want and need of your spouse.
If you want to make your marriage work better make decisions that will benefit your marriage as a whole and not individually.
This helps both the partner to value and look at the relationship as a real entity.
I believe it's an awesome practice but not so easy to implement. But if you seriously include it in your married life you can shift your relationship status in amazing ways.
I believe this 10 points if implemented correctly can ignite positive hope and light in your married life. The only thing is be patient, don't give up and have faith in GOD.
Last but not the least if you really care about your marriage and want to resolve your marriage issues before it gets too chronic.
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Hi, I'm Manish A passionate blogger from India. I'm on a mission to help you discover your lost happiness and inner peace again by truly connecting with your soul. Believe me you deserve to be truly happy and prosperous in this one and only life.