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Every single day of the week, we log into our mailbox to find questions on senior dating.
So, we contacted a relationship expert Alex Wise from Loveawake free dating site, who work with hundreds of couples every month to answer the questions from people who found themselves single over 50 – and who want to do something to create a happy and healthy family.
Lost a fishing buddy, too
I'm recently divorced after 29 years of faithful love to my spouse. We separated a little over a year ago. Just after separation, she moved in with my fishing buddy.
I went through a horrific year and am now ready (I think) to get back into the game. However, things have changed since the '60s/'70s.
I am mind-boggled about how dating and romance occurs today. Any suggestions on my new senior dating life? -- Gary, 51, Littleton, Colo.
Gary, there are two aspects to your question. First, you "think" you're ready to date again.
You need to be sure you've healed. Losing a loved one is devastating. It disables us.
People need to properly heal before they can successfully open their hearts to romance again.
You'll know you're ready when you no longer find dwelling on the past comforting.
If you try to rush into dating too soon, you won't be a good mate for a new woman.
No worthy woman wants to deal with you if you're floating in a sea of sorrow. Heal first.
Then you'll be ready to start dating.
Second, you say your mind is boggled as you think about beginning to date. After 29 years of marriage, that's normal. Ask yourself, "What do I want in a mate? What qualities are important to me?"
Make a simple written list with eight to ten traits itemized in order of importance.
Having realistic expectations will help keep you from pursuing women who aren't right for you.
Review your list often. Of course, never take your list out when you're on a date and say, "You're a little weak on item six."
Next, make a commitment to get off the couch and out of the house.
Pursue interests, hobbies, and activities you enjoy. Get out among people; don't go out looking for a mate, you'll come off as desperate and it won't work.
Look in the mirror and say, "I'm going to be fine. This is going to be fun." And then, start living again.
Second childhood blues
At my age I have a hard time finding someone who is really nice and doesn't want to rollerblade, skydive, snorkel, climb mountains, or leap tall buildings.
Are they all in their second childhood? -- Candice, 56, Tucson, Ariz.
Candice, no, they aren't in their second childhood. They just have interests that differ from yours.
It's proven that exercise and proper diet help us live longer.
Make a list of the interests and activities you enjoy and pursue men with similar interests.
If strenuous exercise isn't your bag, be sure to specify that in your dating profile.
Also, include your interests so men can see if their interests parallel yours.
Should I let perspective dates know ahead of time that I'm retired? I have listed that I am retired and it keeps coming back as a dislike every time.
I listed my income and believe it should remove all doubts about my financial position. I listed that I was retired with the belief it would prove I'm almost always available.
I thought women would be interested in a man who made himself available all the time. I thought it was a real asset. Could I be wrong? -- Tom, 51, Victor, N.Y.
Tom, your intentions are good but your message needs work. You're revealing too much information too soon and coming off as desperate.
Don't mention that you're retired. It makes you sound much older than 51. Also, stating that you're always available scares prospective mates.
They want to expect that you're active and having the time of your life instead of sitting around on the couch, waiting for Mrs. Right to appear so you can smother her with all of that free time.
Get involved with people and activities and stop waiting around. Write something like: "Willing to make time for the right relationship."
Also, remove your income from your profile. If your income is substantial, you'll attract women who want your money and not you.
If your income is meager, women will run the other way thinking they'll have to support you. It's okay to use the words "financially secure," and leave it at that. Focus on your personal qualities, not on your material offerings.
Dating again -- after 43 years
I am 64 years old and was married for 40 years to the same man, my high school sweetheart. We divorced and remained friends, then tried to make our relationship work again, but it didn't succeed.
We remained very good friends and he died three years ago. I haven't had a date or anyone special in my life since our divorce. How do I meet new friends?
I have registered on free dating site and tried to respond to other registered singles, but have not had any replies to my emails. What or how should I respond to be in touch? -- Jackie, 64, Miami
Jackie, if my math is accurate, it sounds as though you haven't had a date with anyone besides your deceased husband in more than 43 years.
You're a bit out of practice. Are you looking for love or just friendship through senior dating sites?
Augment your personals effort by identifying and participating in the activities and interests you enjoy.
Start getting out with people. Do volunteer work. Visit senior centers in Miami. Join clubs that sponsor activities you enjoy. Travel with a group.
Focus on making women friends as well as men friends on senior dating sites. You need to reach out and enrich your life by getting involved.
Strive to make yourself a more interesting person. Forget about finding romance. Build friendships first. Who knows?
You might meet a nice gentleman while you're out and about.
My mother is 93. She's been a widow for 38 years and lives alone.
She heads up a book club, plays bridge three times a week, goes to the symphony, and attends a regular Sunday symposium.
She says she doesn't have time for all of the activities in her life. Plan on living for another forty years. Get busy and get out there!
Small-town single person
I have been out of the dating scene for years. I don't do the bar scene and don't care to date someone who hangs out at bars all the time.
I know that there are nice guys out there, but where on earth are the nice ones and how do you get out to meet someone? I have been told to try church.
Well, I happen to go to a very small church and the parishioners are all couples. Most all of my friends are couples. Am I destined to be alone in this small community? -- Dorothy, 53, Flippin, Ariz.
Dorothy, older single people who live in small communities face the same problem. There just aren't other singles around to date.
That's where the blessings of the Internet come in. Sites like Okcupid, Loveawake and online other online senior dating communities provide opportunities for single people to reach out over long distances to meet other singles.
First things first. Start communicating with people in other cities, towns and parts of the country who are interested in finding friends.
As long as you live in a small town, unless some new widowers emerge, or single gentlemen move in (keep a fresh casserole dish at the ready just in case), your problem isn't going to change.
Using the Internet can be a big help.
Long-distance relationships resulting from meeting over the Internet create other problems -- such as who's going to move if you want to be together -- however, that's a concern only after you've met someone.
Although you probably should consider the question ahead of time. Or find a man who doesn't hang out at bars "all the time." Maybe find one who goes to bars, not to hang out, but just to enjoy a tall, cool beverage.
"Am I going nuts?"
I have been single for about ten years. My life is in balance professionally, emotionally and physically. Most people think I am no older than 41.
I recently met a 45-year-old gentleman. The chemistry between us during our first meeting was incredible.
What makes a usually unruffled woman react like this? Very few men turn me on like this.
I am very selective with looks, sense of self, maturity, and confidence. Am I going nuts or can I fall "head over heels" at my age? -- Cyndi, 52, Fremont, Calif.
Cyndi, cool your jets! Yes, people can fall "head over heels" at any age. But, be careful.
You're basing your feelings for this man on chemistry -- lust, if you will. That can be dangerous. You're putting the cart before the horse.
Chemistry should only be the frosting on the cake. People are initially attracted to outward appearances. What's he like on the inside? Is he kind, considerate, responsible?
How will he treat you once the chemistry wears off -- usually in a few months -- when significant qualities take on more importance?
How does he treat his mother or the waiter or waitress when you're out to dinner? That's an indication of he'll treat you. Who are his friends?
Are they the type of people you'd like to be associated with? Is he well-mannered or egotistical? Is he financially secure?
Think of it this way -- movie stars often base relationships on chemistry.
Then what happens? Another divorce, another breakup. And then on to the next pretty face. You have to connect on many stages for a relationship to work.
Chemistry is important, but without the other qualities, you have nothing but an empty shell. Does he know your true age?
Slow down, take a deep breath, and evaluate this man on his more lasting, important qualities. If he checks out on all levels, then, let the chemical reaction bubble up to a boil.
I will stop here. If you loved reading this guide on senior dating then do not forget to share it on your favorite social media.
My name is Manish Yadav and I’m the owner of the blog "Love Finds its Way". My advice does away with the manipulations and mind games recommended by magazines and the surface level advice of TV gurus… We’ll dive DEEP into the psychology and biology of desire and give you actionable steps you can use today. Over 900,000 men & women have transformed their relationships as a result, and I've been featured in Lifehack, Return of Kings, Menimprovement, Urban Dater, and so on... ...and no... We're not here to play games so you can manipulate your significant other... ...My only intention is to help you and your partner have a healthy and loving relationship by working on your intimacy with each other. And we’re just getting started!
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