I love “how to’s.” All the theory in the world is useless unless we know how to apply it and make a change. I have always been a very pragmatic, practical person with a great need to know how to do things.
The principles on which we will be working in this guide are:
How to change yourself by nurturing the willingness to let go, Control your thoughts by controlling your mind, and learning how forgiveness of self and others releases us.
If you truly desire learning how to change yourself keep reading this life transforming guide.
#1. Releasing The Need.
Sometimes when we try to release a pattern, the whole situation seems to get worse for a while. This is not a bad thing. It is a sign that the situation is beginning to move. Our affirmations are working, and we need to keep going.
Examples:
We are working on increasing prosperity, and we lose our wallet.
We are working on improving our relationships, and we have a fight.
We are working on becoming healthy, and we catch a cold.
We are working on expressing our creative talents and abilities, and we get fired.
Sometimes the problem moves in a different direction, and we begin to see and understand more.
For example, let’s assume you are trying to give up smoking and you are saying, “I am willing to release the ‘need’ for cigarettes.” As you continue to do this, you notice your relationships becoming more uncomfortable.
Don’t despair, this is a sign of the process working.
You might ask yourself a series of questions like: “Am I willing to give up uncomfortable relationships? Were my cigarettes creating a smoke screen so I wouldn’t see how uncomfortable these relationships are? Why am I creating these relationships?”
You notice the cigarettes are only a symptom and not a cause.
Now you are developing insight and understanding that will set you free.
You begin to say, “I am willing to release the ‘need’ for uncomfortable relationships.”
Then you notice the reason you’re so uncomfortable is that other people always seem to be criticizing you.
Being aware that we always create all of our experiences, you now begin to say, “I am willing to release the need to be criticized.”
You then think about criticism, and you realize that as a child you received a lot of criticism.
That little kid inside of you only feels “at home” when it is being criticized.
Your way of hiding from this had been to create a “smoke screen.”
Perhaps you see the next step as affirming, “I am willing to forgive. . .”
As you continue to do your affirmations, you may find that cigarettes no longer attract you, and the people in your life no longer criticize you. Then you know you have released your need.
This usually takes a little while to work out.
If you are gently persistent and are willing to give yourself a few quiet moments each day to reflect on your process and resistance of change, you will get the answers.
The Intelligence within you is the same Intelligence that created this entire planet.
Trust your Inner Guidance to reveal to you whatever it is you need to know.
#2. Exercise: Releasing the Need.
In a workshop situation, I would have you do this exercise with a partner.
However, you can do it equally as well using a mirror — a big one, if possible.
Think for a moment about something in your life you want to change.
Go to the mirror and look into your eyes and say out loud, “I now realize that I have created this condition, and I am now willing to release the pattern in my consciousness that is responsible for this condition.”
Say it several times, with feeling. If you were with a partner, I would have your partner tell you if he really thought you meant it. I would want you to convince your partner. Ask yourself if you really mean it.
Convince yourself in the mirror that this time you are ready to step out of the bondage of the past.
At this point many people get scared because they don’t know HOW to do this releasing.
They are afraid to commit themselves until they know all the answers. It’s only more resistance. Just pass through it. One of the great things is that we do not have to know how. All we need is to be willing.
The Universal Intelligence or your subconscious mind will figure out the how's.
Every thought you think and every word you speak is being responded to, and the point of power is in the moment.
The thoughts you are thinking and the words you are declaring at this moment are creating your future.
#3. How To Change Yourself Using Your Mind As a Tool.
You are much more than your mind. You may think your mind is running the show.
But that is only because you have trained your mind to think in this way. You can also untrain and retrain this tool of yours. Your mind is a tool for you to use in any way you wish.
The way you now use your mind is only a habit, and habits, any habits, can be changed if we want to do so, or even if we only know it is possible to do so.
Quiet the chatter of your mind for a moment, and really think about this concept: YOUR MIND IS A TOOL YOU CAN CHOOSE TO USE ANY WAY YOU WISH.
The thoughts you “choose” to think create the experiences you have.
If you believe that it is hard or difficult to change a habit or a thought, then your choice of this thought will make it true for you. If you would choose to think, “It is becoming easier for me to make changes,” then your choice of this thought will make that true for you.
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#4. Control Your Thoughts By Controlling the Mind.
There is an incredible power and intelligence within you constantly responding to your thoughts and words.
As you learn to control your mind by the conscious choice of thoughts, you align yourself with this power.
Do not think your mind is in control. You are in control of your mind. You use your mind. You can stop thinking those old thoughts.
When your old thinking tries to come back and say, “It’s so hard to change,” take mental control.
Say to your mind, “I now choose to believe it is becoming easier for me to make changes.”
You may have to have this conversation with your mind several times for it to acknowledge that you are in control and that what you say goes.
#5. The Only Thing You Ever Have Any Control of Is Your Current Thought.
Your old thoughts are gone; there is nothing you can do about them except live out the experiences they caused. Your current thought, the one you are thinking right now, is totally under your control.
Example:
If you have a little child who has been allowed to stay up as late as he wishes for a long time, and then you make a decision that you now want this child to go to bed at 8:00 every night, what do you think the first night will be like?
The child will rebel against this new rule and may kick and scream and do his best to stay out of bed.
If you relent at this time, the child wins and will try to control you forever.
However, if you calmly stick to your decision and firmly insist that this is the new bedtime, the rebellion will lessen.
In two or three nights, the new routine will be established. It is the same thing with your mind.
Of course it will rebel at first. It does not want to be retrained.
But you are in control, and if you stay focused and firm, in a very short time the new way of thinking will be established.
And you will feel so good to realize that you are not a helpless victim of your own thoughts, but rather a master of your own mind if you want to change yourself.
#6. Exercise: Letting Go.
As you read this, take a deep breath and, as you exhale, allow all the tension to leave your body.
Let your scalp and your forehead and your face relax.
Your head does not need to be tense in order for you to read. Let your tongue and your throat and your shoulders relax.
You can hold a book with relaxed arms and hands.
Do that now.
Let your back and your abdomen and your pelvis relax.
Let your breathing be at peace as you relax your legs and feet. Is there a big change in your body since you began the previous paragraph?
Notice how much you hold on. If you are doing it with your body, you are doing it with your mind.
In this relaxed, comfortable position, say to yourself, “I am willing to let go. I release. I let go. I release all ten- sion. I release all fear. I release all anger. I release all guilt. I release all sadness. I let go of all old limitations. I let go, and I am at peace. I am at peace with myself. I am at peace with the process of life. I am safe.”
Go over this exercise two or three times. Feel the ease of letting go.
Repeat it whenever you feel thoughts of difficulty coming up.
It takes a little practice for the routine to become a part of you.
When you put yourself into this peaceful state first, it becomes easy for your affirmations to take hold.
You become open and receptive to them. There is no need to struggle or stress or strain.
Just relax and think the appropriate thoughts. Yes, it is this easy.
#7. Physical Releasing To Change Yourself.
Sometimes we need to experience a physical letting go.
Experiences and emotions can get locked in the body.
Screaming in the car with all the windows rolled up can be very releasing if we have been stifling our verbal expression.
Beating the bed or kicking pillows is a harmless way to release pent-up anger, as is playing tennis or running.
Awhile ago, I had a pain in my shoulder for a day or two. I tried to ignore it, but it wouldn’t go away.
Finally, I sat down and asked myself, “What is happening here? What am I feeling?
I realized, “It feels like burning. Burning. . .burning. . . that means anger. What are you angry about?”
I couldn’t think of what I was angry about, so I said, “Well, let’s see if we can find out.” I put two large pillows on the bed and began to hit them with a lot of energy.
After about twelve hits, I realized exactly what I was angry about. It was so clear.
So I beat the pillows even harder and made some noise and released the emotions from my body.
When I got through, I felt much better, and the next day my shoulder was fine.
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#8. The Power of Forgiveness to Change Yourself.
Next step, forgiveness. Forgiveness of ourselves and of others releases us from the past.
The Course in Miracles says over and over that forgiveness is the answer to almost everything.
I know that when we are stuck, it usually means there is some more forgiving to be done.
When we do not flow freely with life in the present moment, it usually means we are holding on to a past moment. It can be regret, sadness, hurt, fear, or guilt, blame, anger, resentment, and sometimes even the desire for revenge.
Each one of these states comes from a space of unforgiveness, a refusal to let go and come into the present moment.
Love is always the answer to healing of any sort. And the pathway to love is forgiveness. Forgiveness dissolves resentment.
There are several ways in which I approach this.
#9.Exercise: Dissolving Resentment To Change Yourself.
There is an old Emmet Fox exercise for dissolving resentment that always works. He recommends that you sit quietly, close your eyes, and allow your mind and body to relax.
Then, imagine yourself sitting in a darkened theater, and in front of you is a small stage.
On that stage, place the person you resent the most. It could be someone in the past or present, living or dead.
When you see this person clearly, visualize good things happening to this person — things that would be meaningful to him. See him smiling and happy. Hold this image for a few minutes, then let it fade away. I like to add another step.
As this person leaves the stage, put yourself up there. See good things happening to you. See yourself smiling and happy. Be aware that the abundance of the Universe is available to all of us.
The above exercise dissolves the dark clouds of resentment most of us carry.
For some, it will be very difficult to do. Each time you do it, you may get a different person. Do it once a day for a month, and notice how much lighter you feel.
#10. Exercise: Forgiveness.
Now we are ready to forgive. Do this exercise with a partner if you can, or do it out loud if you are alone.
Again, sit quietly with your eyes closed and say, “The person I need to forgive is ___________ and I forgive you for ___________.”
Do this over and over.
You will have many things to forgive some for and only one or two to forgive others for.
If you have a partner, let him say to you, “Thank you, I set you free now.”
If you do not, then imagine the person you are forgiving saying it to you.
Do this for at least five or ten minutes. Search your heart for the injustices you still carry. Then let them go.
When you have cleared as much as you can for now, turn your attention to yourself. Say out loud to yourself, “I forgive myself for ___________.” Do this for another five minutes or so.
These are powerful exercises and good to do at least once a week to clear out any remaining rubbish.
Some experiences are easy to let go and some we have to chip away at, until suddenly one day they let go and dissolve.
#11. Exercise: Visualization To Change Yourself.
Another good exercise.
Have someone read this one to you if you can, or put it on tape and listen to it.
Begin to visualize yourself as a little child of five or six. Look deeply into this little child’s eyes.
See the longing that is there and realize that there is only one thing this little child wants from you, and that is love.
So reach out your arms and embrace this child. Hold it with love and tenderness.
Tell it how much you love it, how much you care.
Admire everything about this child and say that it’s okay to make mistakes while learning.
Promise that you will always be there no matter what.
Now let this little child get very small, until it is just the size to fit into your heart.
Put it there so whenever you look down, you can see this little face looking up at you, and you can give it lots of love.
Now visualize your mother as a little girl of four or five, frightened and looking for love and not knowing where to find it.
Reach out your arms and hold this little girl and let her know how much you love her, how much you care.
Let her know she can rely on you to always be there, no matter what.
When she quiets down and begins to feel safe, let her get very small, just the size to fit into your heart.
Put her there with your own little child. Let them give each other lots of love.
Now imagine your father as a little boy of three or four — frightened, crying, and looking for love.
See the tears rolling down his little face when he doesn’t know where to turn.
You have become good at comforting frightened little children, so reach out your arms and hold his trembling little body. Comfort him. Croon to him. Let him feel how much you love him. Let him feel that you will always be there for him.
When his tears are dry, and you feel the love and peace in his little body, let him get very small, just the size to fit into your heart.
Put him there so those three little children can give each other lots of love and you can love them all.
There is so much love in your heart that you could heal the entire planet.
But just for now let us use this love to heal you. Feel a warmth beginning to glow in your heart center, a softness, a gentleness.
Let this feeling begin to change the way you think and talk about yourself.
