9 Smart Tips On How To Deal With Difficult People Tactfully

There is no problem in human relations that you cannot solve harmoniously and for the benefit of all concerned. When you say that your associate in the office is very difficult to handle, that he or she is cantankerous, mean, obstreperous, and difficult, do you realize that in all probability this is reflecting your own inner mental states.

Remember also that like attracts like. Is it not possible that your associate's crotchety, petulant, critical attitude is the reflection of your inner frustrations and suppressed rage?

What this person says or does cannot really hurt you unless you permit him or her to mentally disturb you.

The only way that person can annoy you is through your own thoughts. This is because you are the only thinker in your universe. You and you alone are responsible for the way you think about other people. They are not responsible, you are.

For example, if you get angry, you have to go through four states in your own mind. You begin to think about what the other person said. You decide to get angry and generate a mood of rage. Then you decide to act.

Perhaps you talk back and react in kind. It takes two to make an argument.

Notice that the thought, emotion, reaction, and action all take place in your own mind. You and you alone are responsible.

Whatever you believe is true in your conscious mind your subconscious will accept without question. Be very careful that you accept only that which is true, noble, and Godlike.

So, Here’s the lowdown on not-so-nice people, how to spot them, and how to deal with difficult people — how to handle a negative person both in and out of the workplace.

#1. "Everybody Annoys Me".

Henry F. couldn't understand why everybody around him annoyed him. He talked about this to a counselor.

The counselor pointed out that Henry was constantly rubbing others the wrong way. He did not like himself and was full of self-condemnation. He spoke in a very tense, irritable tone.

His acerbity of speech grated on everyone's nerves. He thought meanly of himself and was highly critical of others.

The counselor explained to him that while his unhappy experiences seemed to be with other people, his relationship with them was determined by his thoughts and feelings about himself and them.

If he despised himself, he could not have goodwill and respect for others. It's impossible, because it is a law of mind that people always project their thoughts and feelings onto their associates and all those around them.

Henry began to realize that as long as he projected feelings of prejudice, ill will, and contempt for others, that is exactly what he would get back, because his world was but an echo of his moods and attitudes.

The counselor suggested that he write the following thoughts in his subconscious mind.

Remember, your conscious mind is the pen, and with it you can write anything you want in your subconscious mind. This is what Henry wrote:

#2. Henry Affirmed These Truth As a Tool To Deal With Difficult People in His Life.

Henty affirmed these truths morning, noon, and night, and he committed the whole prayer to memory. He poured into these, words life, love, and meaning. 

By osmosis these ideas penetrated, the layers of his subconscious mind, and he became a changed man.

He reported,

• "I am learning how to specialize myself out of the law of averages. 
• I am getting along fine.
• I have received a promotion on my job.
• I now know the truth of the passage: 'If I be lifted up in my mind, I will draw all manifestation unto me.' " 

He learned that the trouble was within himself. He decided to change his thoughts, feelings, and reactions. Anyone can do the same. It takes decision, perseverance, and the keen desire to transform oneself.

#3. Return Good for Evil To Deal With Difficult People.

It should not come as a surprise that some people in the world are difficult. It takes courage and determination to handle a negative person.

Many people in our everyday lives are often argumentative, uncooperative, cantankerous, cynical, and sour on life. Some are sick psychologically.

Their minds have become deformed and distorted, perhaps because of experiences they have had in the past.

Others may be stressed by their work or by personal problems. What do you do when you have to deal with someone like this?

The temptation is to turn their negative energy back on them in the form of dislike.

But to do that, you first have to take their negativity, into yourself, with all the bad effects that will have on your own being.

Strive instead to. "return good for evil." This creates an armor that keeps their difficult and unpleasant attitudes from af­fecting you, and your transmission of compassion and understanding will set in motion the process of changing them.

Don't Miss: 9 Realistic Steps On How To Break Bad Habits And Build Good Ones

Don't Miss: 9 Steps On How To Change Your Life in Midst of Crisis

#4. Story of Mrs. Wrong Way On How To Handle a Negative Person.

Mrs. Wrong Way was jealous and hateful toward the supervisor in her office. She was suffering from hurt feelings. She had developed ulcers and high blood pressure.

Once she became aware of the spiritual principle of forgiveness and goodwill, she realized that she had accumulated many resentful and grudging attitudes and that these negative and obnoxious thoughts were festering in her subconscious mind.

She tried to talk with Ms. Supervisor in an effort to straighten matters out, but the woman brushed her off.

In a continuing effort to correct the situation, Mrs. Wrong Way reinforced the principles of harmony and goodwill for ten minutes every night and every morning prior to going to work. This is what she did. She affirmed as follows: "I surround Ms. Supervisor with harmony, love, peace, joy, and goodwill."

Now, this is not mumbo jumbo. She knew what she was doing and why she was doing it.

These thoughts or ideas sink into the subconscious. There is only one subconscious mind, and the other person picks it up. She said, "There is harmony, peace, and understanding between us.

Whenever I think of Ms. Supervisor, I will say, 'God's love saturates your mind.' "

A few weeks passed, and Mrs. Wrong Way went on a business trip to San Francisco.

On boarding the plane, she discovered that the only vacant seat was the one next to Ms. Supervisor. Mrs. Wrong Way greeted her cordially and received a cordial response.

They had a harmonious and joyous time together in San Francisco. They are now friends and their working relationship has so improved that both have received promotions.

Infinite Intelligence set the stage for the solution to deal with a negative person in a positive way. Mrs. Wrong Way didn't know. Mrs. Wrong Way's changed thinking had changed everything, including a perfect healing of her ulcers and high blood pressure. She was hurting herself.

No other person is responsible for how you think or feel; you are, because you are the only thinker in your universe. Only you are responsible for the way you think about others.

#5. To Deal With Difficult People You Need To Change Your Mindset.

Lee Y. a waiter in the restaurant of a luxury hotel in Hawaii, reported how he dealt with a particularly ornery patron.

Every year an eccentric millionaire from the mainland visited the hotel. This visitor proved to be a miserly type who hated to give a waiter or bellboy a tip.

He was churlish, ill-mannered, rude, and just plain unpleasant. Nothing satisfied him. He was constantly complaining about the food and the service. He snarled at the waiters whenever, he was served.

Lee reported, "I realized he was a sick man. A kahuna [native Hawaiian priest] told me that when people are like that, there is - something eating them inside. So I decided to kill him with kindness."

Lee consistently treated this man with courtesy, kindness, and respect, silently affirming, " God loves him and cares for him. I see God in him, and he sees God in me."

He practiced this technique for about a month, at the end of which time this eccentric millionaire for the first time said, "Good morning, Lee. How's the weather? You are the best waiter I have ever had." Lee was astounded. "I almost fainted," he said. I expected a growl, and I got a compliment. 

He gave me $500 as a parting tip." A word is a thought expressed. Lee's words and thoughts were addressed to the subconscious mind of the cranky, cantankerous guest. They gradually melted the ice in his heart. He responded in love and kindness.

#6. Dealing with Negative Personalities.

If you supervise others, you will inevitably run into negative attitudes in your group at some point.

Every team leader or supervisor does. They can make your life miserable or make it an ever-changing challenge. You can't ignore negativity you have to deal with it. Negative personalities also aren't reserved for supervisors.

Almost every organization has a Negative Nell or Ned at all levels of the corporate ladder.

They could be coworkers, important customers, government regulators, or anyone else with whom you have to deal. Whenever you're for something, they're against it.

They always have a reason that what you want to accomplish just can't be done. They can tear down your team with pessimism.

A person's negativity may stem from some real or perceived past mistreatment by your company. If that's the case, look into the matter.

If the person has justifiable reasons for being negative, try to persuade him or her that the past is past and to look to the future.

If misconceptions are involved, try to clear them up. In dealing with negative people, acknowledge their arguments and persuade them to work with you to overcome their perceived problems so that the project can move along.

Make the person part of the solution rather than an additional problem.

#7. Tampering with Temper Tantrums.

Terry is a good worker, but from time to time he loses his temper and hollers and screams at his coworkers.

He calms down quickly, but his behavior affects the work of the entire team, and it takes awhile to get back to normal performance.

It's not easy to work in an environment in which people holler and scream. It disrupts the work not only of the persons directly involved, but of all people in the work area.

They may be unable to work at full capacity for several hours afterward.

This situation cannot be tolerated. It is usually the responsibility of the supervisor or team leader to deal with these situations, but sometimes, a trusted coworker may intervene to calm the person down without need for more formal action.

Here are some suggestions for dealing with someone who has temper tantrums:

#8. Suggestions For Dealing With Someone Who Has Temper Tantrums.

• After the person calms down, the supervisor or, where appropriate, a senior employee or representative from the human resources department should have a heart-to-heart talk with him or her.
• Point out that it is understandable that it's not always easy for someone to control his or her temper, but that such tantrums aren't acceptable in the workplace.
• If another outburst. occurs, the person should be sent out of the room until he or she can calm down. Let the person know that the next offense will lead to disciplinary action.
• If the person being criticized begins to cry or throw a tantrum, walk out! Wait ten minutes, and then try again. Assure the person that this isn't a personal attack but a means of correcting a situation.
• Note: Private offices are not good places to conduct these types of meetings. It's not a good idea to leave an upset person alone in an office.
• There have been situations where the upset employee trashed an office in anger.
• Use a conference room instead. Of course, workers who become physically disruptive must be removed from the premises and disciplinary action be taken. 
• Termination is, of course, the ultimate action. People who have frequent temper tantrums should not be kept on the payroll. Supervisors must follow company policies and, where appropriate, union contracts when taking this step .

#9. Working with Unhappy People.

There's likely to be at least one unhappy person in your group. We all experience periods when things go wrong at home or on the job and it affects the way we do our work and how we interact with other staff members.

Supervisors should be alert to this likelihood and take the time to chat with the person.

Giving a person the opportunity to talk about a problem often alleviates the tension. Even if the problem isn't solved, it clears the air and enables the associate to function normally.

Some people, however, will always be unhappy about something. They often aren't satisfied with work assignments.

Even when you comply with their requests and accommodate their complaints, they're not satisfied.

They display their unhappiness by being negative. If someone's request for a change in scheduling a vacation is denied, for example, that person may get angry and let it show both overtly and subtly in his or her attitude.

You can never make everyone happy. Rebuilding the morale of people who believe that they've been treated unfairly takes tact and patience.

Managers can avoid some unfair situations by making sure at the time a decision is made to explain the reasons behind the decision.

In the vacation example, you could explain that your company sets up the vacation schedule months in advance and that two other employees are taking their vacations at the same time.

Then make it clear that your group can't spare more than one member on vacation at a time. You may even suggest that the unhappy person try to find another staff member who will trade vacation time.

Remember, Loss of self-esteem stems from failure. All of us have failures and successes in our jobs and in our lives. When you focus on failure, self-esteem deteriorates. Concentrate instead on the successes that have been achieved.