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Are you looking to change your life? The biggest way to transform your life is to decide what kind of life you want and go after it.
What do you want to accomplish? What do you want to experience? And what possessions do you want to acquire?
In the journey from where you are to where you want to be, you have to decide what kind of life you want, where you want to be.
In other words, what does success look like to you? One of the main reasons why most people don’t get what they want is they haven’t decided what they want. They haven’t defined their desires in clear and compelling detail.
Read this guide to create your ideal vision and change your life for the better - find your north star, decide to be better, decide what kind of life you want and go after it.
#1. Early Childhood Programming Often Stops You From Deciding What Kind of Life You Want.
Inside of every one of us is that tiny seed of the “you” that you were meant to become.
Unfortunately, you may have buried this seed in response to your parents, teachers, coaches, and other adult role models as you were growing up.
You started out as a baby knowing exactly what you wanted. You knew when you were hungry. You spit out the foods you didn’t like and avidly devoured the ones you did. You had no trouble expressing your needs and wants.
You simply cried loudly—with no inhibitions or holding back— until you got what you wanted. You had everything inside of you that you needed to get fed, changed, held, and rocked.
As you got older, you crawled around and moved toward whatever held the most interest for you. You were clear about what you wanted, and you headed straight toward it with no fear.
#2. This is How Your Mind Was Shaped When You Were a Child.
So what happened? Somewhere along the way, someone said…
- Don’t touch that!
- Stay away from there.
- Keep your hands off that.
- Eat everything on your plate whether you like it or not! You don’t really feel that way.
- You don’t really want that.
- You should be ashamed of yourself.
- Stop crying.
- Don’t be such a baby.
- As you got older, you heard.
- You can’t have everything you want simply because you want it.
- Money doesn’t grow on trees.
- Can’t you think of anybody but yourself?!
- Stop being so selfish!
- Stop doing what you are doing and come do what I want you to do!
All these things don't allow you to decide what kind of life you want to live.
#3. Don’t Live Someone Else’s Dreams.
After many years of these kinds of sanctions, most of us eventually lost touch with the needs of our bodies and the desires of our hearts and somehow got stuck trying to figure out what other people wanted us to do.
We learned how to act and how to be to get their approval. As a result, we now do a lot of things we don’t want to do but that please a lot of other people:
- We go to medical school because that is what Dad wanted for us.
- We get married to please our mother.
- We get a “real job” instead of pursuing our dream career in the arts.
- We go straight into graduate school instead of taking a year off and backpacking through Europe.
In the name of being sensible, we end up becoming numb to our own desires. It’s no wonder that when we ask many teenagers what they want to do or be, they honestly answer, “I don’t know.”
There are too many layers of “should’s,” “ought to’s,” and “you’d better’s” piled on top of and suffocating what they really want. So how do you reclaim yourself and your true desires?
How do you get back to what you really want with no fear, shame, or inhibition? How do you reconnect with your real passion? How to decide to be better in life.
You start on the smallest level by honoring your preferences in every situation—no matter how large or small. Don’t think of them as petty. They might be inconsequential to someone else, but they are not to you.
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#4. Stop Settling for Less than You Want.
If you are going to regain your power and get what you really want out of life, you will have to stop saying, “I don’t know; I don’t care; it doesn’t matter to me”—or the current favorite of teenagers, “Whatever.”
When you are confronted with a choice, no matter how small or insignificant, act as if you have a preference.
Ask yourself, If I did know, what would it be? If I did care, which would I prefer? If it did matter, what would I rather do?
Not being clear about what you want and making other people’s needs and desires more important than your own is simply a habit. You can break it by practicing the opposite habit.
#5. To Decide What Kind of Life You Want - Make a List of Things You Want.
One of the easiest ways to begin clarifying what you truly want is to make a list of 30 things you want to do, 30 things you want to have, and 30 things you want to be before you die. This is a great way to get the ball rolling.
Another powerful technique to unearth your wants is to ask a friend to help you make an “I Want” list.
Have your friend continually ask, “What do you want? What do you want?” for 10 to 15 minutes, and jot down your answers. You’ll find the first wants aren’t all that profound.
In fact, most people usually hear themselves saying, “I want a Mercedes. I want a big house on the ocean.” And so on.
However, by the end of the 15-minute exercise, the real you begins to speak: “I want people to love me. I want to express myself. I want to make a difference. I want to feel powerful”…wants that are true expressions of your core values.
#6. Is Worrying About Making a Living Stopping You?
What often stops people from expressing their true desire is they don’t think they can make a living doing what they love to do. “What I love to do is hang out and talk with people,” you might say. Well, Oprah Winfrey makes a living hanging out talking with people.
Tiger Woods loves to play golf. Ellen DeGeneres loves to make people laugh. Donald Trump loves to make deals and build buildings.
I love to read and share what I have learned with others in books, speeches, and workshops. It’s possible to make a living doing what you love.
Make a list of 20 things you love to do, and then think of ways you can make a living doing some of those things.
If you love sports, you could play sports, be a sportswriter or photographer, or work in sports management as an agent or in the front office of a professional team.
You could be a coach, a manager, or a scout. You could be a broadcaster, a camera operator, or a team publicist. There are myriad ways to make money in any field that you love.
For now just decide what kind of life you want, and in the following paragraphs I’ll show you how to be successful and make money at it.
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#7. Clarify Your Vision of Your Ideal Life.
The theme of this guide is how to get from where you are to where you want to be.
To accomplish this, you have to know two things—where you are and where you want to get to. Your vision is a detailed description of where you want to get to. It describes in detail what your destination looks like and feels like.
To create a balanced and successful life, your vision needs to include the following seven areas: work and career, finances, recreation and free time, health and fitness, relationships, personal goals, and contribution to the larger community.
#8. The Vision Exercise To Decide What Kind of Life You Want.
The following exercise is designed to help you clarify your vision and help you decide what kind of life you want.
Although you could do this as a strictly mental exercise by just thinking about the answers and then writing them down, I want to encourage you to go deeper than that. If you do, you’ll get deeper answers that serve you better.
Start by putting on some relaxing music and sitting quietly in a comfortable environment where you won’t be disturbed.
Then, close your eyes and ask your subconscious mind to give you images of what your ideal life would look like if you could have it exactly the way you want it, in each of the following categories:
#1. First, focus on the financial area of your life. What is your annual income? What does your cash flow look like? How much money do you have in savings and investments? What is your total net worth?
Next…what does your home look like? Where is it located? Does it have a view?
What kind of yard and landscaping does it have? Is there a pool or a stable for horses?
What color are the walls? What does the furniture look like? Are there paintings hanging in the rooms?
What do they look like? Walk through your perfect house, filling in all of the details.
At this point, don’t worry about how you’ll get that house. Don’t sabotage yourself, don't let your inner critic say, “I can’t live in Malibu because I don’t make enough money.”
Once you give your mind’s eye the picture, your mind will solve the “not enough money” challenge.
Next, visualize what kind of car you are driving and any other important possessions your finances have provided.
#2. Next, visualize your ideal job or career. Where are you working? What are you doing? With whom are you working? What kind of clients or customers do you have? What is your compensation like? Is it your own business?
#3. Then, focus on your free time, your recreation time. What are you doing with your family and friends in the free time you’ve created for yourself? What hobbies are you pursuing? What kinds of vacations do you take? What do you do for fun?
#4. Next, what is your ideal vision of your body and your physical health? Are you free of all disease? How long do you live to? Are you open, relaxed, in an ecstatic state of bliss all day long? Are you full of vitality? Are you flexible as well as strong? Do you exercise, eat good food, and drink lots of water?
#5. Then move on to your ideal vision of your relationships with your family and friends. What is your relationship with your family like? Who are your friends? What is the quality of your relationships with your friends? What do those friendships feel like? Are they loving, supportive, empowering? What kinds of things do you do together?
#6. What about the personal arena of your life? Do you see yourself going back to school, getting training, attending workshops, seeking therapy for a past hurt, or growing spiritually? Do you meditate or go on spiritual retreats with your church? Do you want to learn to play an instrument or write your autobiography? Do you want to run a marathon or take an art class? Do you want to travel to other countries?
#7. Finally, focus on the community you live in, the community you’ve chosen. What does it look like when it is operating perfectly? What kinds of community activities take place there? What about your charitable work? What do you do to help others and make a difference? How often do you participate in these activities? Who are you helping?
You can write down your answers as you go, or you can do the whole exercise first and then open your eyes and write them down. In either case, make sure you capture everything in writing as soon as you complete the exercise.
Every day, review the vision you have written down.
This will keep your conscious and subconscious minds focused on your vision, and as you apply the other principles and tools in this guide, you will begin to manifest all the different aspects of your ideal vision.
#9. Share Your Ideal Vision for Maximum Impact.
When you’ve finished writing down your vision, share your vision with a good friend whom you can trust to be positive and supportive. You might be afraid that your friend will think your vision is too outlandish, impossible to achieve, too idealistic, unrealistic, or materialistic.
Almost all people have these thoughts when they think about sharing their vision. But the truth is, most people, deep down in their hearts, want the very same things you want.
Everyone wants financial abundance, a comfortable home, meaningful work they enjoy, good health, time to do the things they love, nurturing relationships with their family and friends, and an opportunity to make a difference in the world.
But too few of us readily admit it. You’ll find that when you share your ideal vision, some people will want to help you make it happen.
Others will introduce you to friends and resources that can help you. You’ll also find that each time that you share your vision, it becomes clearer and feels more real and attainable.
And most importantly, every time you share your ideal vision, you strengthen your own subconscious belief that you can achieve it.