The people we spend our time with have a big impact on our lives. They can influence the way we think, the way we feel, and the choices we make. So it’s important to surround ourselves with people who will support us and help us to grow into the best version of ourselves.
It’s said that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. If that’s true, then we need to be aware of the people we surround ourselves with. People who are positive, who have similar goals, and who will support us in our journey.
That's the secret key of high achievers.
But why is this so important? That's what we are going to find out in this blog post on how to surround yourself with positive people.
#1. What Tim Ferris Did To Surround Himself With Positive People?
When Tim Ferriss was 12 years old, an unidentified caller left the above Jim Rohn quote on his answering machine. It changed his life forever. For days, he couldn’t get the idea out of his mind. At only 12 years of age,
Tim recognized that the kids he was hanging out with were not the ones he wanted influencing his future. So he went to his mom and dad and asked them to send him to private school.
Four years at St. Paul’s School set him on a path that led to a junior year abroad in Japan studying judo and Zen meditation; 4 years at Princeton University, where he became an all-American wrestler; a national kickboxing championship; and eventually starting his own company at the age of 23.
Tim knew what every parent intuitively knows—that we become like the people we hang out with. Why else are parents always telling their kids that they don’t want them hanging out with “those kids”?
It’s because we know that kids (and adults!) become like the people they hang out with.
That is why it is so important to spend time with the people you want to become like. If you want to be more successful, you have to start hanging out with more successful people.
There are lots of places to find successful people. Join a professional association. Attend your professional conferences. Join the chamber of commerce. Join the country club. Join the Young Presidents’ Organization or the Young Entrepreneurs Organization.
Volunteer for leadership positions. Join civic groups like Kiwanis, Optimists International, and Rotary International. Volunteer to serve with other leaders in your church, temple, or mosque.
Attend lectures, symposia, courses, seminars, clinics, camps, and retreats taught by those who have already achieved what you want to achieve. Fly first class or business class whenever you can.
#2. You Become Like the People You Spend the Most Time With.
John Assaraf a successful entrepreneur who has seemingly done it all—including traveling the world for a year in his twenties, owning and operating a franchising company whose annual real estate revenues topped $3 billion, and helping to build Internet virtual tour pioneer Bamboo.com (now IPEX) from a team of 6 people to a team of 1,500 in just over a year, netting millions in monthly sales and completing a successful initial public offering on the NASDAQ after just 9 months.
John was a street kid who had been entangled in the world of drugs and gangs.
When he landed a job working in the gym at the Jewish community center across the street from his apartment in Montreal, his life was changed by the powerful principle that you become like the people you spend the most time with.
In addition to earning $1.65 an hour, he received access to the men’s health club.
John recounts that he got his early education in business in the men’s sauna. Every night after work, from 9:15 to 10 PM, you’d find him in the steamy hot room listening to successful businessmen tell their tales of success and failure.
Many of those successful men were immigrants who had come to Canada to stake their claim, and John was fascinated as much by their setbacks as by their successes.
The stories of what went wrong with their businesses, families, and health gave him inspiration, because his own family was experiencing tremendous challenges and difficulties, and John learned that it was normal to have challenges—that other families also went through similar crises and still made it to the top.
These successful people taught John to never give up on his dreams.
“No matter what the failure,” they told him, “try another way; try going up, over, around, or through, but never give up. There’s always a way.” John also learned from these successful men that it makes no difference where you are born, what race or color you are, how old you are, or whether you come from a rich family or a poor family.
Many of the men in that sauna spoke broken English; some were single and some were divorced; some were happily married and some were not; some were healthy and others were in terrible shape; some had college degrees and some didn’t.
Some hadn’t even been to high school. For the first time, John realized that success is not reserved just for those born into well-to-do families without challenges and to whom every advantage has been given.
He realized that no matter what the conditions of your life, you could build a life of success.
He was in the presence of men from all walks of life who had done it and freely shared their wisdom and experience with him.
Every night John attended his own private business school—in a sauna in a Jewish community center.
You, too, need to be surrounded with those who have done it; you need to be surrounded with people who have a positive attitude, a solution-oriented approach to life—people who know that they can accomplish whatever they set out to do.
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#3. Let Go of Negative Relationships.
Do you consider yourself a go-getter, yet your business partners and team lack ambition? Are you searching for that next level of success, but are being held back by those around you?
Identifying the people in your life who are bringing you down is the first step in making shifts to your peer group or colleagues. Letting go of negative relationships will allow you more time to surround yourself with positive people.
The best way to determine who these individuals are is to think about how you feel after spending time with them.
Do you feel good about yourself and ready to take on new challenges? Or do you feel upset, unsure of yourself and not in control of your emotions?
Our emotions exist to tell us things – they’re a gift that lets us know what we need to change in order to feel more fulfilled. If you feel drained, fearful or agitated after spending time with someone, it’s a sign they aren’t good for you.
It can often be uncomfortable to step away from relationships that are lacking. You don’t want to burn bridges, and you might have known some of these friends or colleagues for a long time.
But it’s essential not to feel obligated because they are “old friends” or feel that you owe them something.
Determine what’s driving your decision to stay in these relationships, so that you can change your mindset and free yourself. You’ll be more prepared to focus on what really matters to you and your business.
#4. Initiate Connections To Surround Yourself With Successful People.
Make an effort to connect with people who inspire you. If you come across someone you find motivating in your professional life, take the initiative to reach out and invite them to coffee, a networking event or simply to hang out after work.
Get to know them, without waiting for them to contact you first. Social initiative is one of the highest forms of flattery these days.
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#5. Figure Out Who Brings More Energy to Your Life.
You have to figure out who eats your time and, from there, remove all those negative people who drain you. I had to make difficult decisions and ask myself, “Who are those people who suck my energy daily?”
Then, from there, I spend more time on people who make me feel more inspired and energized instead of prioritizing those who make me feel lifeless.
#6. Top Exercise To Help You Surround Yourself With Positive People.
I’d like you to do a valuable exercise that I learned in W. Clement Stone book.
Make a list of everyone you spend time with on a regular basis—your family members, coworkers, neighbors, friends, people in your civic organization, fellow members of your religious group, and so on.
When you’ve completed your list, go back and put a minus sign (-) next to those people who are negative and toxic, and a plus sign (+) next to those who are positive and nurturing.
As you make a decision about each person, you might find that a pattern will begin to form. Perhaps your entire workplace is filled with toxic personalities.
Or perhaps it’s your friends who naysay everything you do.
Or maybe it’s your family members who constantly put you down and undermine your self-esteem and self-confidence.
Stop spending time with those people with a minus sign next to their name. If that is impossible (and remember, nothing is impossible; it is always a choice), then severely decrease the amount of time you spend with them.
You have to free yourself from the negative influence of others. Think about it. I’m sure you know people who only have to walk into the room to totally drain you of energy. I refer to these people as psychic vampires.
They literally suck the life energy right out of you. Stop spending time with them. Are there people in your life who are always complaining and blaming others for their circumstances?
Are there people who are always judging others, spreading negative gossip, and talking about how bad it is? Stop spending time with them as well.
Are there people in your life who, simply by calling you on the telephone, can bring tension, stress, and disorder to your day?
Are there dream-stealers who tell you that your dreams are impossible and try to dissuade you from believing in and pursuing your goals? Do you have friends who constantly attempt to bring you back down to their level?
If so, then it is time for some new friends!
#7. Avoid Toxic People.
Until you reach the point in your self-development where you no longer allow people to affect you with their negativity, you need to avoid toxic people at all costs.
You’re better off spending time alone than spending time with people who will hold you back with their victim mentality and their mediocre standards.
Make a conscious effort to surround yourself with good people, positive, nourishing, and uplifting people— people who believe in you, encourage you to go after your dreams, and applaud your victories.
Surround yourself with possibility thinkers, idealists, and visionaries.
#8. Surround Yourself with Successful People.
If you are going to be successful, you have to start hanging out with the successful people. You need to ask them to share their success strategies with you. Then try them on and see if they fit for you.
Experiment with doing what they do, reading what they read, thinking the way they think, and so on. If the new ways of thinking and behaving work, adopt them. If not, drop them, and keep looking and experimenting.
