Confidence is a state of mind that determines how you feel about yourself and your abilities. In this guide, we explore what confidence means, what causes some people to lack confidence and how to become more confident in life?
Have you ever sat in a crowded bar and simply watched people interact? Have you seen the super smooth, confident men and women that don’t look like they’re trying at all?
It’s awe inspiring (and a little frustrating) to see them pull it off without so much as batting an eyelash.
Of course, it doesn’t have to be a bar or a club or any other suitably stereotypical “date spot”. Confidence is everywhere – from the board room to the grocery store to a conversation with your six year old son.
When you have confidence in who you are and what you believe, everything is easier.
But, how do you get that confidence? What do you need to do to improve your self confidence and overcome the years of fear and discomfort that’s been drilled into your brain since you were a child?
How do you overcome the knee-weakening discomfort you feel when it’s time to talk to a complete stranger or stand up for one of your ideas?
After all, it’s not a switch you can just flip in the back of your head labeled “confidence”. It’s learned. It’s developed. It’s a skill that everyone has from birth. You just need to develop it.
Truth is, you can train yourself using confidence building activities to be the smooth, confident person you’ve always been a little jealous of.
It’s all there inside you – all it takes is enough knowledge to tap into that super confident core we all have and channel it in your daily interactions with friends, family, and perfect strangers.
Here are 13 top ways on how to become more confident in life. Keep reading as this has the potential to change your life.
#1. What ‘Confident’ Does for You.
Without confidence, you are a quiet, nondescript person who tries not to step on toes and always hedges what you say. Such a person is defined more by their lack of confidence than anything else.
Now imagine your life if you were to flip your personality on its head and teach your body to exude self confidence like sweat pouring off you in a sauna.
It’s not impossible and it’s not farfetched. In just a few short hours of adjustment and thinking, you can become more confident and happier in nearly every social situation, easy as that.
And when you have that improve self confidence, things will change in...
- Professionally. Let’s bite the bullet: confidence is a money-draw. Bosses like confident employees, customers like confident salespeople, and colleagues respect confident colleagues.
- Personally. Even if you end up rubbing someone the wrong way – and this can happen when you’re confident (which is the reason why unconfident people are so afraid to be forthright) – people will still RESPECT you for your strength of character. This is major.
- Financially. … okay, so I made this last one up. But there is a grain of truth to it: when you swan through life like you’re the Queen Bee, things – and that includes business deals, mortgage applications, even pay rises - just have a habit of working out better.
Plus, make no mistake: lack of self-confidence isn’t just lack of a positive.
It’s an ACTIVE DISEASE, tunneling into the delicate tissue of your personality and riddling it with cancerous nodules of anxiety and low self-esteem.
People with low self-esteem are always wondering thinking what others will think of them... they are always fighting with there inner critic.
Low self-esteem isn’t just frustrating; it creates irrational and unwarranted thoughts that will destroy every good idea you ever have.
Instead of being an intelligent person with the tools needed to THRIVE, you’ll fail because that’s what your brain says you should do next.
#2. How People Perceive Confidence.
One thing I never quite understood was why some people will worry endlessly what another person thinks about them – and yet never realize that in, the process of so doing,, they pretty much CREATE the impression they’re most afraid of.
Look. Hedging, hand-wringing, eye-darting, fawning supplication, and backpedaling – all trademarks of low self confidence – have rarely done much to help people win popularity contests.
It’s the very effort of trying so hard that turns people off.
Plus, it’s a self-fueling mechanism: you can sense your behavior turning people off, so you try harder … turning them off more … and creating more panic in your anxious little breast. They might not be RIGHT in their assumptions about you.
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But WHO CARES about ‘right’? Why fight the current? Just go with it.
If you know that certain characteristics universally turn people OFF (like the ones I just listed), it’s in your best interests to leave them by the wayside and adopt other characteristics that DO serve you.
That means, first of all, you need to learn how to act like YOUR OWN opinion is worth more to you than anyone else’s.
#3. How to Become More Confident, Everyday
There are a proven ways to improve your self-confidence now … and after pruning out the more airy-fairy ones, we’re left with:
- Dressing better.
- Standing straighter and walking more gracefully.
- Giving compliments where deserved.
- Paying attention instead of drifting off into your own head.
- Refusing to be negative in conversations and comments you make.
- Eating well, exercising, and generally treating yourself like someone worthy of respect
Granted, dressing better and standing straight might be window dressing … but window dressing is used by every shop in the history of the world because IT WORKS.
Display yourself with pride and not only do you LOOK proud, you actually feel it.
Exercising and eating well is another strategy that goes well beyond just making yourself look better: first, you’ll be toned and will just plain look better but physical strength is also a bastion of confidence.
Food goes even further. Cut the processed garbage and replace it with a steady diet of quality foods that will make you feel FANTASTIC. And when you want a treat? Give yourself what you want – with respect, of course.
Try the gourmet chocolates instead of whaling down an entire family block of Hershey’s.
Organic, fresh, raw vegetables and fruit. Whole grains and nuts. Fresh fish and healthy, natural desserts.
You’ll feel so much better about yourself and it will improve your confidence in ways you never dreamed possible.
Lastly, take a look at how you interact with other people. Social anxiety comes from over analysis: you’re trying to predict what will set the other person at ease and make them feel good, right?
But all you end up doing is making them feel UN-comfortable, because they can feel your desperation. Such behavior is not conducive to social ease OR self-confidence.
When it comes to other people, there’s just one fact you need to keep in mind: the less role-playing you do, the better. You ARE who you are.
If you can summon the strength to be true to what you know to be your truth, so much the better.
#4. To Become More Confident Have Control On Your Emotions.
Humans have the unique and incredible power to experience a wide range of emotions.
But if you let your emotions control your experience of life without pinpointing why you feel a particular way, your emotions control you.
The truth is that you control the way you feel, including whether or not you feel confident.
Confidence is not something people are born with – it’s something you must create.
Building confidence creates the feeling of certainty that you can accomplish what you set out to do. Confidence is like any other emotion. It is something you feel, and you can train yourself to access it in an instant.
#5. Be Kind With Yourself To Improve Your Self Confidence.
Do your best to accept yourself just as you are in the current situation. Everyone has some things they might want to improve about themselves, but it’s much easier to do that when you already love who you are and let go of your ego.
Self-improvement becomes more like helping a friend than chastising an enemy at that point.
For instance, if you’re dealing with body image issues, prioritize self-acceptance above a new diet. You’ll build confidence levels faster starting from where you are rather than where you want to be.
#6. Get Outside Of Your Comfort Zone to Become More Confident.
The more you look outside of your comfort zone, the more chances you’ll have to have more confidence in yourself.
If you’re suffering from a lack of self confidence, the last thing you might want is to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation, so take small steps to the best of your ability.
It’s absolutely ok to feel self-conscious as you begin to stretch yourself, and you might feel a bit awkward as you try new things you used to fear.
Each time you face your fears, you’ll become a little more certain you can handle all life will throw at you.
#7. Always Have a Growth Mindset.
What do you think being confident entails? You may have some idea that confidence only stems from prior success – that you can only know how to be confident in yourself after you’ve become wildly successful.
This sort of core belief severely limits you. Confidence doesn’t come from your outward achievements – it comes from within.
Being confident means that if you do fail, you can pick yourself back up and try again instead of throwing in the towel.
Once you start taking actionable steps toward your goal of being confident, your beliefs will gradually start to solidify.
It’s time to adopt a growth mindset and start believing that you can learn how to build confidence.
#8. Go With Confidence To Achieve Your Goals.
Why is learning how to gain confidence important to you? Do you present at conventions where you interact with a huge number of people?
Do you run a company or a team and need to present a strong sense of leadership?
Maybe you’ve started dating and want to make a good impression when you meet a potential new love interest.
The first step is knowing the purpose behind why you want to achieve it. Once you know your passion and purpose, learning how to build confidence becomes a matter of retraining your brain.
#9. Practice Gratitude To Improve Your Self Confidence.
Practicing gratitude is important for living a happy life.
Think about all the things you have to be grateful for, instead of what you don’t have.
When you change your mindset from one of negativity to one of abundance, you’ll stop approaching life with a scarcity mindset that breeds negativity and anxiety and start believing that no matter what, the universe will provide for you.
#10. Accept that it's OK to Make Mistakes.
People with confidence are not afraid of making mistakes or going wrong.
Instead, they view being wrong as an opportunity to learn from their mistakes. When they are wrong about something or a mistake has been made, confident people tend to hold themselves accountable and find ways to improve for the future.
Accept that everyone, even the most confident of people, can be wrong at times.
#11. Confident People Know When To Say No.
Telling people no is important and needed, especially if it's something that you do not want to be a part of. You do not have to help your best friend move if you already have plans with your children.
You do not have to feel bad about telling someone you cannot make it to an outing or a potluck because you want to rest on your day off.
Learn to say no to things you do not want to do with confidence and avoid using phrases like "I will think about it" or "I will get back to you."
#12. Visualize Your Goals To Become More Confident
Visualizing your dreams is a powerful tool to get on the road to understanding how to build and improve your confidence.
When you visualize something over and over again, your mind begins to believe that it has already happened.
When the situation finally arises – you’re making that presentation, asking for a raise or confronting a coworker – your brain thinks, “I got this.” That’s confidence.
Visualize a specific situation at work. Think of yourself succeeding and do your best to minimize any thoughts of failure.
Remember that you get what you focus on.
#13. Feed Your Mind Only With What You To Create in Your Life.
The law of attraction isn’t just about who you associate with. It’s also about how you feed your mind: what you read and watch on a daily basis.
Make a point to seek out advice from others who have achieved your goals, even if they are not your mentor or coach. Watch documentaries about people who have done great things in life.
Read motivational quotes and write down your favorites. Learn about new topics that will help you reach your goals, like finance, or that will help you face your fears – like how to be confident or deliver a presentation.
You’ll condition your brain to believe in yourself, because it will know that you have the skills you need to succeed.
Conclusion:
If you want to learn how to become more confident you also need to understand that confidence doesn’t happen overnight. It needs to build up.
And you’ll facilitate this confidence building process best by focusing on all of yourself, not just obsessing about how confident you are. It’s like going to the gym.
If you turn up and do nothing but bicep curls, the results will be barely noticeable, even if you rip your guts out trying.
But if you do a solid thirty-minute full-body workout a couple times a week, you can literally see the curves on your body turning to planes and facets over time.
Confidence is the same. It comes from working on yourself and your mannerisms, yeah … but it also comes from working on your LIFE to make sure you’re living a life you can be proud of. Every little bit counts.
When you can unconsciously feel sure of your thoughts and actions without second guessing who you are and how you do things, that’s when you know you’re set.
