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Should you Forgive Cheating or is it Better to get a Divorce?

Should you Forgive Cheating or is it Better to get a Divorce?

Finding out your better half cheating on you surely is a devastating experience

Infidelity can turn your life around, it can make you more miserable, aggressive, and depressed than you could ever be. 

At the very least, it can undermine your mental and physical well being like it’s nothing!

If you are a victim, then there are two ways out: you can either forgive or ask for a divorce

Many couples decide to receive counseling, where they learn how to communicate with one another in harmony, and often end up being happy together again. 

Others simply cannot forgive their cheating soul-mates and decide to end up their marital relations immediately.

Lots of things should be considered before one can choose from the possible options.

Let’s get a better idea of how you can know if your better half cheats on you and what you should do if he or she does.

Table of Contents

How to Know if You are Being Cheated On? Signs of Infidelity

Working after hours

If your spouse has suddenly begun working after hours, then you have a good reason to think that you are being cheated on, especially if your better half doesn’t provide any explanations and/or these explanations are vague or hard to believe.

If you are often left alone till the late night and on weekends, then it is time to raise a red flag for sure.

More personal space

When your soul-mate states that he or she needs more space for no obvious reason, then it is a warning sign that something is wrong. 

People who have an affair usually ask for more personal space so that they can sort out their feelings and steady their nerves.

Truth be told, these are just well-worn excuses used for taking to legs and spending more time with their lovers.

Keep alert!

Too much of grooming

If your soul-mate suddenly starts to pay too much attention to his or her appearance – often visits beauty salons, buys many new clothes, wears new fragrances, and so forth – but doesn’t care a lot when you pay compliments, something is going on! 

Of course, your better half can do it to build more confidence, but if he or she gives nothing for your opinion, then it is more likely that he or she goes out all for someone else.

More privacy

If you two have never hidden anything from each other and now your soul-mate needs more privacy, then it is a good reason for smelling a rat.

Your spouse may set up a screen lock on his or her phone or laptop, get rid of all receipts, hide credit card bills, and so forth. Such a behavior change shouldn’t be ignored for sure.

Learn how much privacy a normal marriage should have.

Often on the phone

The advances that have been made in the world of technology now give people lots of opportunities to communicate with each other through Internet tools.

So, if your better half spends much time on the phone, especially late at night, and he or she gets irritated when you grill him or her about it, then this may be a potential sign of emotional infidelity.

Lack of intimacy

If your better half is less attracted to you than he or she used to be, you shouldn’t ignore this sign. 

Of course, many factors can influence your sexual life, such as health problems, hormone imbalance, stress, and others, but if your spouse rejects any of these, then you have a good reason to talk to your soul-mate seriously.

Whatever the reason, you have to talk about it directly; otherwise, you cannot rule out a possibility that your spouse has a bit on the side.

If you are a woman, fortunately there is a way to stop him from pulling away and become obsessed with you. You should check it by clicking here.

“We are nothing more than friends”

Many people, who are being cheated on, hear this phrase sooner or later. When you hear it, don’t lap it up.

As soon as you buy into it, your spouse will feel like he or she is allowed to hang out with whomever he or she wants.

But if you show that you boil with indignation, then your spouse can play on your distrust.

If you see that your soul-mate still spends much time with this “friend” and tries to convince you that you are over-complicating, it is probably an affair rather than a friendship we are talking here about.

Lots of inconsistencies

If it happens regularly that your spouse cannot account for particular periods and activities, then it is time to think hard whether or not your soul-mate is being faithful.

Not being at the gym when he or she is supposed to be there and lots of receipts that don’t match the places your soul-mate is supposed to visit are just a few signs that something wrong is going on.

If you are not comfortable with such behavior, then try to see which way the wind is blowing.

You start smelling a rat

If you are chronically keeping tabs on your spouse or coming up with a hundred reasons why he or she cannot have an affair, then you are probably married to a straying person.

Watch out for the signs of cheating and trust your sixth sense. It is a fact of life that if something seems wrong, it probably is.

Your Better Half is Unfaithful – Now What? Useful Tips

Finding out that your better half has a bit on the side can devastate you, and it seems like nothing can heal your marriage anymore. 

Of course, you would want to know why your spouse has made it to you, to your marital relation…

Unfortunately, most often, there is no simple answer to why people cheat on their partners.

Many other problems that your couple struggles with can be used by your spouse as a reason to become unfaithful; moreover, the reason can be unrelated to you and your marriage.

Let us say, something that has happened in the past can influence your soul-mate today.

No matter what made your better half cheat on you, you probably have much to wrap your mind around right now and decide on how to cope with betrayal.

The following tips may help you clean up your situation easier.

Don’t suppress your feelings

There is nothing strange if anger, bemusement, emotional pain, and disappointment stole over you.

Probably, it is difficult for you to take control of your emotions, for a reason.

However, you should understand that it will take much time to get through this pain.

Don’t ignore your feelings even if you are going to fix your marriage.

Your marital relationship has changed a lot and it is natural if you lose your heart for a while.

Don’t strive to revenge on your betrayer

You may feel extremely angry with your unfaithful partner and it is normal if you seek revenge. 

You may probably try to bring dishonor on your better half or want to have an affair in response

And if you do, you may even become satisfied but this sense will not last forever

Truth be told, such actions can play a dirty trick on you in the long run: you will cultivate your anger rather than concentrate on healing and living a happy life, either alone or together.

Think twice before telling the rest of your family about what has happened.

Of course, they will ask you a lot and will give you a piece of advice; however, you are the only person who should decide either to leave or stay.

Hence, keeping all the details secret is the right thing to do

Don’t blame anybody too. Playing a victim will only make you feel more miserable and unhappy.

Care about Your Health

It is normal if you have many symptoms, such as sleep loss, stomach upset, loss of appetite, and apprehension.

Once you get over, try to get rid of those health problems by eating healthy, keeping regular hours, taking exercises, drinking enough liquid, and simply having a good time.

Keep It Secret from Your Children

What is going on between you and your spouse should have nothing to do with your kids.

Unless you and your partner agree to get an onlin​​e divorce or separate, telling your children about the infidelity will only make them feel depressed and confused. 

Find a therapist

It makes no sense to cope with your disappointment alone.

Before you decide on what you want, it is recommended to talk to a counselor, who is interested in nothing but your wellbeing.

During sessions, you can ask your spouse any question and share your thoughts without losing your cool.

A counselor will help you and your partner come to understanding faster and process feelings of disappointment, blame, resentment, and so forth easier. ​

ead some tips on how to find the best therapist for you

Try to see things in a more realistic light

If you believe that nothing can help you pick up the pieces, then think about practical issues, such as whether or not you have enough money to cover all your expenses, where you are going to live, and, if you have children, where and how they will live.

Also, you have a right to ask your spouse to get tested for sexually transmitted diseases; moreover, don’t neglect to get yourself tested too, especially if you have some of these symptoms.

Don’t lose your heart

With no doubt, infidelity is something that many couples cannot deal with; however, it doesn’t necessarily mean that your marriage is over

As you cope with the devastating consequences of unfaithfulness, it will become clearer for you how to move on, either alone or together.

Ask Yourself a Few Question to Decide Whether or Not a Divorce is a Better Option

There is evidence indicating that sooner or later almost 20 percent of married couples face infidelity, with male partners being more likely to stray, according to the statistics abo​​ut infidelity.

Cheating is about lots of things – emotional stress, low self-esteem, boredom – but does it necessarily mean the end of marital relations? 

No, not at all.

If you are one of those who have been cheated on, then you have to answer a few important questions before deciding either to forgive or leave your partner for good.

#1. Does your spouse have a friend who cheats?

If your answer is positive, then this can explain a lot.

If your spouse interacts with this person regularly, he or she may start thinking that cheating is acceptable in your family life or even is a part of it.

If you are going to watch for your wife or husband hanging out with known betrayals, then think twice.

Controlling your partner is a waste of time

If your better half wants to cheat on you, he or she will find a way to do so no matter if you keep a tight rein on him or her.

And if your spouse is responsive to your concerns, then you have all the chances to get on track.

#2. How good is your partner at compartmentalizing?

If your partner is a “good compartmentalizer” it means that he or she is intent on compartmentalizing different parts of his or her everyday life

Let us say, your spouse acts a certain way at the office, another way with you, and a different way with someone else. If this is true, then he or she is very likely to be unfaithful.

Many people fall back on compartmentalization to achieve their career goals; however, being married to a person, who has made it a part of his or her life, is like sitting on a powder keg. 

You should keep in mind that your better half can have sex with his or her colleague during the working time, then come back home and have dinner with you talking and acting as nothing has happened. 

#3. Is your spouse stung by remorse pretty much?

Truth be told, sooner or later most betrayals feel bad about the affair

Even though feeling quilt doesn’t necessarily mean quick repentance, a person, who does feel sorry about what he or she has done, is less likely to have something on the side again. 

Therefore, if your spouse doesn’t regret anything, then forgiving him or her is a bad idea.

However, if your partner is tormented by pangs of remorse, does everything possible to express his or her sincerity, and badly strives to heal your relationship, then you should probably give your couple a chance.

#4. Are you sure that the affair is over for good?

If your better half still interacts with the other person no matter whether they do this at the office or gym, then you have a good reason to think that they are not done yet. If this happens, then run.

If you want to heal your marriage, then there shouldn’t be any contacts at all: no friendship on social media, no messages, no telephone calls, and so forth.

Otherwise, you cannot be sure a hundred percent that they are not having an affair. 

#5. Is your marriage damaged beyond repair?

Sometimes it happens that it doesn’t make any sense to take back an unfaithful partner

If you aren’t married on paper and have no kids, then maybe it is best if you go your separate ways. 

Moreover, keep in mind that some people never stop cheating, no matter if they are completely satisfied with their marriage. 

These people simply cannot keep faith with their spouses.

Therefore, it is crucial to be sure that your partner is not likely to have multiple affairs

Conclusion

M. Gary Neuman, an author of the “Creating Your Best Marriage” program, believes that if you and your better half want your marriage to survive after an affair no matter what, you have all chances to get on happy together again.

Look through the above-mentioned concerns and make sure that none of them can drive a wedge between you two.

If you are serious about fixing your marriage, it is time to look for a good therapist that will help you cope with infidelity.

The main idea behind counseling is to teach you how to forgive and your soul-mate how to regain your trust. Remember that there are still grounds for hope, and the chances are that you can rebuild that strong emotional connection you have once had.

To move on, you and your spouse must be open to a discussion. You shouldn’t be afraid to talk about your feelings and concerns. And if you decide to forgive your better half, then it is important to forgive him or her as soon as possible.

Being stuck between bitter and forgiveness will not get you anywhere indeed.

However, if you believe that leopard cannot change his spots and you feel that your spouse still has a bit on the side or is very likely to, then you probably see no other way out than a divorce, for a reason.

Nevertheless, you have to know your duty to your matrimony and at least try to get your marital relationship back on track. In this case, going to therapy is the right thing to do. At least, you have to give it a try!

About the Author Manish Yadav

My name is Manish Yadav and I’m the owner of the blog "Love Finds its Way". My advice does away with the manipulations and mind games recommended by magazines and the surface level advice of TV gurus… We’ll dive DEEP into the psychology and biology of desire and give you actionable steps you can use today. Over 900,000 men & women have transformed their relationships as a result, and I've been featured in Lifehack, Return of Kings, Menimprovement, Urban Dater, and so on... ...and no... We're not here to play games so you can manipulate your significant other... ...My only intention is to help you and your partner have a healthy and loving relationship by working on your intimacy with each other. And we’re just getting started!

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