May 5, 2022

How to Talk to Girls on Tinder (What and How to Say It)

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How to Talk to Girls on Tinder

Today you are going to learn How to Talk to Girls on Tinder.

Flirting and dating evolves at an unbelievable pace. 

It is a very complex science lying underneath and for many it is hard to understand and fit into it as it is deeply and strongly connected and affected at the same time by a broad spectrum of factors including social norms and technology as well.

That being said, it is no surprise why there are many professionals, mainly social anthropologists, who are conducting series of academic studies to reveal the human nature of dating and help us get on well with the “science of flirting and dating”. 

Now let us put things into a better perspective.

It is a no-brainer that technology is a main trend-setter in dating with the vast majority of people today being interacting online. 

Apart from the basic essence, online dating seems to be very peculiar and many are struggling to find their romantic partner online.  

Even the most out-going and confident guys tend to share these common difficulties. 

Failing to fall in the same frequency with current dating trends some guys hold on a deceptive self-relief claiming Tinder is not the way to find a girlfriend.

But that’s obviously wrong because almost everything is running online in nowadays world.

From a Darvinian view of the world you have to either learn the rules of dating on Tinder or “extinct”.

Table of Contents

How to talk to girls on Tinder so you can get a date?

Shown below is an ultimate set of tips and advices based on facts and experience on how to talk to girls on Tinder and accomplish your online dating goals

Stick to the very end of this article to find some useful tips and resources to master the science of dating on Tinder

Optimize Your Tinder Profile

Of course, a right swipe is not a “match” straight away. It is the conversation the builds the connection and sparks the attraction. 

However, first things, first. You have to optimize your Tinder profile to appear interesting to girls. 

Here are some straightforward tips to optimize your Tinder profile:

Use profile pictures that maximize your looks

Let's be ruthless here: most women (everyone actually!) swipe without opening profiles

Therefore, your main picture is the single most important thing about your profile.

Actually... is how you look, what's important.

Check this example shown in, Zach looks completely different in both pictures!

Tinder - Good and bad tinder profile pictures examples

This clearly shows how different photos can alter your attractiveness significantly.

An amazing main Tinder picture can make all the difference.

Now, we are not saying that you need to be really, really, really ridiculously good looking...

It's just that choosing a picture that shows your best look will work better for you.

Tip: Turn on “Smart Photos” in your settings.

This Tinder feature does the work for you. By turning it on, the app algorithm will automatically put the picture that got you the most right-swipes at the very front.

Use a profile picture of yourself

This one seems pretty obvious, but we've seen this mistake over and over in many Tinder profiles...

Some guys just put group pictures.

This causes a rejection, because although it may indicate that you are a social person with a lot of friends... it's also saying that you are afraid to show yourself.

Which one is you?

Tinder group photo error

We get it, you have good ol' friends. But this is YOUR dating profile, not theirs.

Keep the pictures focused on you so that everyone knows very clearly who they’re swiping right on.

Use a picture that only shows your face and torso as your main picture

You read that right. Your main picture should show no more of you than your face, and your torso.

This neuroscience research shows that this is the most effective picture you can use.

Tinder Perfect profile picture

Face straight ahead in your profile pics.

And smile!

Studies has shown that facing camera pictures are 20% more likely to be right-swiped. 

Write a bio that presents you in the best way (including traits or specifics that make you being YOU)

Your bio will turn likes into super likes, and sometimes it might even turn a maybe into a yes.

Use your bio to show your personality in the best way possible.

Here you can find several ideas you can steal to make your Tinder bio more attractive.

Pro tip: Offer up an open-ended question in your bio—like, “If you could have dinner with anyone in the world, who would it be?”—so that people can respond directly to you with an answer.

DOs on How to Talk to Girls OnTinder

1. Make the first move, ALWAYS

Girls fall for confident guys. 

If you’re not the one to take the initiative to start a conversation on Tinder how do you expect to be perceived as a CONFIDENT guy?

It is a universal and well-known fact that girls want guys to make the first move even if she likes one.

2. Pay a genuine compliment

Sincerely you cannot reach to a girl’s heart without paying genuine and nice compliments to her along the way. 

Girls want to be at the center of attention and have an inherent addiction to compliments

In this view it is for sure that she won’t run away without replying your conversation.

An important thing to remember at this point is that you have to try to make a genuine compliment.

Fake compliments are easily noticed and can ruin your chances.

The best way you can make compliment is something that is unique to her for example the colors of her eyes.

3. Ask Questions

This tip is strongly based in scientific findings.

As you might know human brain works as a collection of certain neural patterns which when activated spark certain emotional responses.

Science has told us that the brain has a natural in-depth tendency to automatically respond to questions even when the subject is lies outside our main interest. 

Questions show affection, empathy, appreciation and interest.

As Simon Sinek a globally known bestseller and motivational speaker, when you ask someone a question you actually care about the response.

4. Use emojis

Unfortunately there are many guys who do underestimate the power of emojis

Most of them tend to believe that emojis are only a way to keep their messages short. That is of course true but only one side of the medal.

When you send an emoji to a girl on Tinder it will make her feel a bit more attracted to you and the reason is very simple: You have shared some time to search for that emoji and girls want you to have time for them.

5. Skip the small talk

Asking back and forth “How are you?”, “What are you doing?”, “What is your favourite color?” (does anyone makes this :D) leads nowhere

Tinder - How to Talk to Girls - Skip the Small Talk

Girls on Tinder receive tons of messages and you have a limited frame of time to be shortlisted in her “Favorites” and get to chat with her.

So skip the small talk as soon as you can because you cannot fool anyone: they all know why you are on Tinder.

6. Be funny  

Girls love to be around guys who are funny. Actually, women are genetically programmed to find a sense of humor irresistible in a man.

Telling casual jokes it does also reveal a good side of your intellect; being funny is related to intelligence

Just be careful to make an offensive joke that would immediately turn off.

Also vulgarity from a total stranger is an instant turnoff.

Some examples on how to properly be funny:

Funny Tinder Openings - Ice Breakers - Jokes
Funny Tinder Openings - Ice Breakers - Jokes
Funny Tinder Openings - Ice Breakers - Jokes

7. Find similarities

You want to find someone with whom you have a lot in common and so does the other person.

Tinder - Find similarities with the other person

The similarities girls find on your with their own personality are the initial encouragement to swipe right your Tinder profile.

For instance, you have may have a profile picture with your favorite pet and she might also have the same passion for animals

If during the conversation you notice both of you share similarities let her know.

For example you might like the same movie and it’s a great opportunity for you to ask her for a date.

8. Tease her friendly

Friendly teasing and flirting is a universal flirtatious behavior and an essential element of the flirting game

We only tease those people with whom we are very close and that allow us to fully be ourselves.

So if you tease her slightly she will instantly feel a much closer connection to you

Just be careful you overcome the limits. 

DONTs on How to Talk to Girls On Tinder

There is a large variety of errors guys make when they talk to girls on Tinder.

But the ones shown below are most frequently made and we’re going to address each of them. 

Here is the list of DONTs when you talk to girls on Tinder:

1. Don’t start with “Hi” or “Hello”

If you’ve read the section above on how important it is to make the first move it would be obvious to you why this is listed first here.

This is the worst way to ruin your chances of getting a conversation starting on Tinder then saying “Hi” or “Hello” or “What’s up?”. 

Tinder - How to Talk to Girls - Skip the Small Talk

Unfortunately there are a lot of guys who jump into the DM of a girl and come up with a message like this.

If all you could do was send a “Hi or “Hello” how do you expect her to get into you? 

2. Don’t write to her immediately

If you reply instantly you end up being perceived as needy and with low self-esteem.

We don’t believe you’d want to be thought of as a person who has nothing else interesting in life except for sending back and forth messages on Tinder

Plus, replying after a few minutes will make her think you might be a guy wanted from other girls at the same time and she will feel a desire to take the advantage. 

However this doesn’t mean you have to wait for hours to send a message back; two to three minutes are OK. 

3. Don’t act needy or pushy

There is a clear cross-line between commitment and the lack of integrity which quite a few guys fail to recognize. 

In a way it’s like they assume that the girl they’re talking to on Tinder is under any sort of obligation to stay 24/7 available for them

They try to keep the conversation going on the whole day.

That’s awful. You’re two strangers who are willing to know each other. 

If you send her a message and she doesn’t reply and then you send the other and get none in return don’t try over and over.

She will think of you as very annoying, needy and pushy.

4. Don’t sound egocentric

We all get easily annoyed by people who want to constantly talk about themselves

Oftentimes, lots of guys think that by spending the whole time on chatting with their Tinderella about how great they are makes them appear egocentric, boring and stupid

If you catch yourself doing this, stop right now. 

5. Don’t reveal your personal secrets

At the beginning of every conversation with a girl on Tinder you’re just two strangers willing to know each other

You don’t have to share all your personal secrets to show her you trust her before even getting into a date. 

Go step by step by asking questions and revealing each other’s preferences about much less personal activities.  

6. Don’t be sexually offensive

It’s a myth that if you’re sexually explicit girls will think of you as a very confident guy

This is why some guys play the gangster sending very explicit and quite often sexually offensive messages to girls.

Of course, rejection is what they get in turn.

7. Don’t overreact as hard-to-get

It happens that for quite a few guys it is a little difficult to find a balance between being less needy and hard-to-get

Of course you have to give her signals there is more in your life apart from chatting with her on Tinder but you cannot behave like someone you want her to reach for you all the time

The WHY questions about Tinder dating

Now let me explain in more detail why do the guys make these mistakes when talking to girls on Tinder.

Why is sending the first message on Tinder important?

The first impression is everything. Humans are, contrary to what we tend to believe, very irrational species. 

Science has found that our brain takes decisions at first then does rationalization

In other words, we choose to like or not a person and then find reasons to support our choice. 

This is why your message should be unique and powerful.

Why most men don’t get Tinder conversations right?

To a certain degree it all comes down to experience in online dating

There is a group of them who have no experience at all with flirting.

These are usually those that are a bit shy to flirt in the real life and expect online apps will relieve the pressure. 

On the other hand, there is a group of guys who think online dating works exactly the same with dating in real life. 

Why does your Tinder crush not reply?

There might be a ton of different reasons why a girl doesn’t reply to your messages. 

Moreover, a girl sometimes might not need a reason at all to avoid you. 

Most typically, a girl won’t like to talk on Tinder to you if she feels that both of you don’t fall in the same frequency in that you don’t share the same preferences, opinions, future goals and so on.

You have failed to appear attractive by talking nonsense, very cocky, arrogant or simply boring.

It is also frequent for some guys to don’t know how to be flirtatious or hesitate.

All in all, you don’t have to be discouraged from this because in this way you sort out your “potential matches”.

Why must you get better on Tinder dating?

Because that is where the party is

As Tinder’s popularity is rapidly increasing it is on the verge of becoming a social norm.

A large number of girls are actively using Tinder to find romantic partners and this can be a great opportunity to find your match.

The HOWs (to talk to girls on Tinder)

With all that being said you might feel a bit intimidated by the whole. You don’t have to.

It takes some time to master the game of dating on Tinder but you’re smart enough to get it fast. We have some advice on how you achieve this.

Practice is the key

You cannot expect to hit the target in your first shot. Life just doesn’t work that way.

Try different pick-up lines and critically view your messages each time you get or not a response.

You can find that you’ve been too formal or your message was long and boring.

If you do regular practice you will “get into shape” and gain a sense of patterns that follow the game of online flirting.

Your practice schedule must be a to-do list which has to satisfy the things we talked about above.

Ask your girl friends for advice

This can help a lot

Nobody can understand girls more than they do each other.

Back in high school lots of guys ask their female classmates when they have a crush on a girl.

So if you have a close girl friend who is also using Tinder ask her questions.

She probably receives a lot of messages and can learn a lot about what she finds a guy not a good match.

Read & Learn about flirting

At the beginning of this article we told you that flirting and dating has turned into a highly developed science discipline.

There are a lot of books nowadays that can get you to the bottom of the whole thing and master your flirting skills.

Although flirting norms are evolving fast, a solid knowledge can make you capable to fit in at any time. 

Based on their score in sold copies, significance and popularity, Language of Lust is a program that you must definitely check out.

Quick tips about Talking to Girls on Tinder

Personalize your message

Personalization is a very powerful tool when talking to a girl on Tinder. Even a simple thing as mentioning her name can have a significant effect on her towards you. 

Another way you can personalize your messages is by regarding something typical for her looking or personality which you’ve learned from her profile.   

Use your own profile

Probably because Tinder and online dating has not yet become a random social norm some guys don’t feel comfortable enough to use a personal Tinder profile.

That’s a big mistake because fake accounts are easily spotted and your chances of getting a date turn zero. 

Skip the small talk

You don’t need to over act as a good guy all time long because every girl on Tinder knows your intention

So skip the small talk because it won’t lead you anywhere close to your relationship goals.

Instead of spending time to discuss how tired you got today you better talk about something more personal that reveals part of self-identity. 

For example, you can easily talk about preferences about your romantic partner or you can talk about how beautiful and cute she is. 

Make questions

Questions spark interest, show attention and keep the conversation going. This tip falls in the same category with the above.

This is to say we don’t mean you should ask your girl “How are you doing?” all time long. Be correct but not necessarily friendly because that is clearly not your goal, right?

Keep your intentions clear

Did it ever happen to you that a girl you’ve been talking to on Tinder has friendzoned you?

That’s probably because you were trying hard to play “THE GOOD GUY” and kept the conversation as one between friends.

Keep your intentions clear because anyway they’re known to the girl once you swipe right her Tinder profile. 

If it works, re-use it

If you find funny Tinder messages or ice-breakers that work for you, re-use them. You don’t need to spend time coming up with new material.

Of course each girl is different and you need to check that those funny messages are not personalized if you are going to reuse them.

What to do if she doesn't respond to your Tinder messages?

As mentioned earlier in this post, there might be a ton of different reasons why a girl doesn’t reply to your messages.

If she doesn’t respond to your first message you can follow up with a second funny message like in the example below:

Tinder - What to do if she doesn't respond your messages

After that, if she still doesn’t respond, then let it go.

You don’t want to be this guy:

Tinder - Don't be annoying


No matter where you are meeting a girl whether it's on Tinder or any other dating platform like OkCupid, at the college, bus stand or grocery store, amazing conversation, attractive chemistry, good humour are the cornerstones for building a new relationship. 

Also, once you can attract a girl with the above tips you’ll have more fun while texting and a good chance of asking her out for a date and if you are lucky you'll get even more chance and topics to talk about on your date if you keep her happy and busy thinking about you with thoughtful and witty questions.

As we discussed above just try to notice details, and not take any of it too seriously. if she happens to be with you fine and if not better luck next time there's obviously someone out there waiting for you.....some other girl.

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Manish Yadav

My name is Manish Yadav and I’m the owner of the blog "Love Finds its Way". My advice does away with the manipulations and mind games recommended by magazines and the surface level advice of TV gurus… We’ll dive DEEP to you actionable steps you can use today. Over 900,000 men & women have transformed their lives, and I've been featured in Lifehack, Return of Kings, Menimprovement, Urban Dater, and so on...
...My only intention is to help you have all of achieve your dreams and desires and live a beautiful and prosperous life.
And we’re just getting started!

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