If you have been struggling with your marriage and wondering how to work on your marriage when your marriage is falling apart, then this article is for you.
In this article, you’ll discover some strategies to work on your marriage by keeping yourself strong and healthy.
And I want you to understand that in preparation for diving into the hardship of working on your marriage.
You need to take a little time to build Resilience. You can’t help your mate and your marriage if you aren’t strong enough to do it. There are two things you want to achieve in this stage.
You want to build some strategies to take care of yourself, and to make your marriage work and you also want to find and maintain a positive outlook and at the same time accept your marriage situation the way it is.
If you’re successful at these two things, you’ll automatically eliminate the one thing you don’t want to do – give your spouse more reason to want to leave you and move on!
So if you’re ready let’s learn the steps on making your marriage work.
#1. Building Emotional Resilience
You are under a huge amount of emotional stress right now. You may be feeling hurt, bewildered, resentful, angry, despairing, helpless or many other things.
In order to be strong enough to get through this process and work on your marriage with peace, you will need to find some techniques that work for you and help you to feel better, stronger and more optimistic.
If you’re feeling angry you need to find a way to express that anger. And if you’ve read my articles in past, I always insist to stay CALM and get rid of anger and resentment.
Since I have asked you to keep a calm exterior, you will need to find a private way to express it; to release the tension it builds inside you.
Some people need to express their anger, to really let it out.
I don’t recommend punching walls (it hurts too much!) but you can put on some boxing gloves and really punch that heavy bag at the gym.
Or you can lie down on your bed and kick and punch to your heart’s content. If no-one can hear you, then you might want to add in screaming into your pillow.
Do it for as long as necessary to get it out of your system. Do it as often as you feel you need to. (But of course only do it when no-one is around to hear you!)
Find what works for you and manage that anger so that it doesn’t erupt at a time when you don’t want it to!
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#2 Don’t badmouth your spouse to friends or family
Not only is it unproductively negative, it might come back to haunt you!)
Other things you might try include writing, meditation, exercise, massage and engaging in whatever spiritual activity works for you.
Don’t forget to live! Practice being happy!
Spend time with friends, hang out with people who are fun and positive and uplifting. Do something happy like dancing or singing. Remember to laugh.
Watch comedies on TV. Watch funny videos on YouTube. Spend time with a friend who has a great sense of humor.
Listen to a comedian. Determine to be happy with or without your spouse. Trust me your happy attitude will change your spouse’s behavior. Try to stay happy to make your marriage work.
#3 Building Physical Resilience
You must remember to keep yourself physically strong as well as emotionally if you want to work on your marriage in a positive way.
If you are exhausted everything will look bleaker than it really is and you will feel that you just don’t have the strength to go on.
Make sure you get enough rest. I know it can be hard at a time like this, but do whatever you can to stay rested.
Make sure you go to bed at a time that will allow you a minimum of eight hours sleep.
If you have trouble falling asleep try herbal teas (chamomile is excellent), other herbal sleep remedies, a warm bath, a good book, a boring book, meditation or visualization.
You might be wondering what the hell this guy is talking. This article is on relaxation and meditation or how to work on your marriage.
Trust me friends this little things really matter a lot, when you’re trying to work on your marriage to save it from disaster. So do not ignore what I am suggesting you.
Let’s read ahead.
#4: Benefits of relaxation.
Progressive relaxation can also be extremely helpful. In progressive relaxation, you systematically tense particular muscle groups in your body, and then you release the tension and notice how your muscles feel when you relax them.
If you are trying to relax, it’s better to do this exercise in a comfortable chair so you don’t fall asleep. If sleep is your goal, then you should definitely be in bed!
The first step is to apply muscle tension to a specific part of the body – you can start at either the top or the bottom.
First you focus on the target muscle group, for example, your feet.
Take a slow, deep breath and squeeze the muscles as hard as you can for about 5 seconds – in the foot example, really curl up those toes! It is important to really feel the tension in the muscles.
Enjoy this relaxed state for about 15 seconds and feel the relaxation.
#5 Eat Healthy
It’s important to eat properly only than you can work on your marriage to make it work for you and your spouse.
Some people eat all the time when they’re stressed, others can’t stomach food at all.
Whatever your personal reaction is, don’t binge, and don’t deny your body the nourishment it needs. Try to eat nutritious food in moderate quantities.
If you are responsible for feeding children, cook for them and enjoy a meal with them.
It is important not to neglect their care just because you are feeling down and they provide you with a good reason to eat well.
You will feel better if you maintain your personal hygiene and appearance. Your outlook will be more positive when you are freshly showered and dressed in decent, clean clothing.
If your hair is well groomed and your teeth are brushed your spirits will be lifted.
Believe me, you will feel better about both yourself and your situation if you’re clean, fresh and presentable than you will if you’re dragging yourself around the house in a raggedy old dressing gown!
Do the same with your home – keep it clean, tidy and bright. Let the sunshine and fresh air in! No-one (especially your spouse) wants to live in a dirty, dark and airless home.
#6 Building Mental Resilience
When you are in a situation where another person (your partner, in this case) is effectively rejecting you.
It is normal to feel that something is wrong with you, that you are “un-loveable”. Your self-esteem and your self-confidence can suffer.
It is important to keep in mind that you are a good person and to maintain your confidence in yourself. Counseling can certainly help in this regard.
You can also make a point of doing things you’re good at. Are you a great singer? Then sing for someone who will admire your talent.
The same goes for dancing – if you’re good at it, go dance in public where people will stop to watch you with admiration.
Maybe at work you excel at something and other people respect you for it.
Everyone is good at something, so do it and allow the positive reactions to flow over you and bolster your confidence.
Make a list of what you want to accomplish every day.
Make it reasonable, so that you can achieve it, and you will find that accomplishing everything on your list will boost your confidence.
You might also want to keep a list of the things you’re good at, things you’ve accomplished, and things you’ve helped others with. This is a list you can visit and revisit when you’re feeling down about yourself.
#7 Don’t give in to despair!
There will be lots of times as you work through mending your marriage that you’ll feel discouraged. Don’t be tempted to throw in the towel!
When you’re feeling down, it takes effort and determination on your part, but you need to make yourself stay positive.
If you stay positive, you’ll not only have more courage and optimism, you’ll actually become more positive.
Here’s a thing that many people don’t know: being positive is a choice. You can actually decide to be positive.
Stop blaming your negativity on outside forces – fate, your spouse, your parents, your boss, your experiences – simply choose to be positive instead.
You don’t get to choose what happens to you in life, but you do get to choose how you feel about it. Positivity is a choice. You get to control your attitude.
Listen to the things you say to yourself inside your head. Are you being negative? Stop! Reframe those thoughts into something more positive.
For example, instead of saying “Gawd, I’m stupid! What did I say that for?” admit to yourself that you made a poor choice and resolve to do it differently next time.
Think through how you would prefer to have done it and plan to do it that way the next time.
Change your attitude from self-blame to being happy to have figured out a better way to do that thing next time.
#8 Visualize having a great time with your spouse.
Whenever you catch yourself thinking negatively, you can replace those thoughts with positive visualization. Picture yourself doing something positive with your spouse.
Try to experience the feelings that you will have after that positive thing has happened.
For example, if you wish your partner would show more interest in you, visualize him/her asking how your day went and then being happy for you when you tell him/her a little story about something that went well for you today. Imagine how you will feel when that happens.
Visualize the warm, happy glow that you’ll experience.
#9 Surround yourself with positive people.
Do you have friends who are always negative and bring you down every time you’re with them?
Sorry, but they’re not the best friends to have, so try to spend less time with them and replace them with some positive people if you really wish to learn how to work on your marriage.
Look for the positive in everything that happens. It might surprise you to realize that you can always find something positive, even if it is just a small “silver lining”.
#10 Keep on living your life.
Maybe even live your life a little more fully – take on a new hobby or learn to do something that has always interested you.
Your marital problems are big, but they’re not everything.
There are lots of other things going on for you that will make you feel good about yourself and your life, and they shouldn’t be neglected.
#11 Schedule some time for play.
Do at least one thing a day that makes you happy. You know the things that bring you joy and contentment.
Some examples are playing a musical instrument, exercise, being outdoors, playing with your pet, writing, meditation, dancing. Or singing!
Did you know that singing has been clinically proven to make us happy?
Time Magazine reports that “…researchers are beginning to discover is that singing is like an infusion of the perfect tranquilizer, the kind that both soothes your nerves and elevates your spirits.”
Act positive. Smile more and make positive statements. Even if you are not feeling positive, you’ll feel better.
And, remarkably, after you’ve been doing this for a while, you’ll actually find that you’ve become more positive.
If things are calm and more positive at home, you’ll find that your spouse will be around more.
Even if you are already separated, he will notice and be more inclined to have conversations.
This will buy you some time to demonstrate positive changes while you keep working to save your relationship.
I will stop here. I hope this 10 unique points will help you to work on your marriage in a more positive way.
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My name is Manish Yadav and I’m the owner of the blog "Love Finds its Way". My advice does away with the manipulations and mind games recommended by magazines and the surface level advice of TV gurus… We’ll dive DEEP into the psychology and biology of desire and give you actionable steps you can use today. Over 900,000 men & women have transformed their relationships as a result, and I've been featured in Lifehack, Return of Kings, Menimprovement, Urban Dater, and so on......and no... We're not here to play games so you can manipulate your significant other......My only intention is to help you and your partner have a healthy and loving relationship by working on your intimacy with each other.And we’re just getting started!
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