Whether you are a married person or someone in a relationship. This 3 stages of marriage situation apply for every couple in love.
Guys no two relationships are identical, that’s the reasons the stages of marriage differ too.
Even though the history you have with your partner or spouse is unique and that's the reason you must handle patiently handle your marriage situation
That said, there are some common “phases” that almost all married couples go through.
I’m going to briefly describe these phases, and I suspect you’ll identify (at least to some degree) with all three:
#Stage One: Blissful
When you fall in love you see the world and your lover through rose colored glasses. You only see your partner’s positive qualities, never their flaws.
You see what makes you feel good and you ignore what makes you feel bad.
In other words you accept every good or bad situation of your married life and sexual intimacy is on top of the world.
Both you and your partner do everything in your power to make the marriage work and keep each other happy.
And you try very hard to avoid doing things that would make the other person unhappy or cause them pain.
You are both respectful and supportive of each other, and you never judge.
This builds trust which leads to emotional vulnerability and intimacy.
You love and give to one another unconditionally, always putting the other person’s needs above your own.’
This sounds blissfully perfect, doesn’t it? Why can’t it always be this way?
One of the reasons that things change is simple repetition of a “bad” act.
What you might have initially ignored or forgiven or thought “cute” can start to become unpleasant when it continues to occur.
Say for instances:
Suppose you are a female and you love your husband very much.
If you were to pick up your husband’s dirty stocks each day when he comes home from office, how would you feel?
Since, the first stage of your marriage is BLISSFUL you won’t mind. But later the same act will turn sour.
It’s because there are different stages of marriage and any relationship and at each stage your feelings change.
In this situation. What started out as a fun “wifely” act soon became an irritant task to you and started to cause conflict in your marriage….. Right?
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There are dozens of examples in every marriage, from the way you spread butter on your toast to the way you squeeze the toothpaste.
Things we ignore in the blissful stage eventually become more noticeable and irritating.
You need to talk about them and resolve them through communication, negotiation and / or compromise.
But now you have a problem. Because you have both been loving and giving unconditionally, you have never learned to negotiate.
You have always put the other person first and have never had to communicate for problem solving purposes.
Now, when irritants crop up, or differences in opinion on big issues like spending money or having children, emerge, the two of you have no problem solving skills to fix your marriage issues.
In addition, the behaviors that are suddenly irritating your partner have probably already become entrenched because you have done them so long without hearing any complaints.
“Now she wants me to put down the toilet seat? Why hasn’t that been a problem during the first 9 months of our marriage?” “Why can’t I buy $800 dresses anymore? You have always loved to see me dress well in nice clothes!”
#Stage Two: Challenged
It is difficult for couples to realize that the blissful stage will not last forever. But inevitably, over time, small irritants set in.
As the marriage progresses the larger questions that can lead to differing opinions, such as child rearing, money, careers, relocating, and extended family relationships have to be faced and discussed.
Suddenly, the two blissful partners have points of disagreement.
When things are no longer perfect between you, the unconditional love and caring you had for your partner starts to be challenged by feelings of confusion, frustration and disappointment.
Instead of concentrating on your similarities, you begin focusing on your differences and your partner’s flaws.
You want your partner to change back into the person you thought he was.
For the first time, you start concentrating on your needs rather than constantly focusing on his needs.
Many people assume that misunderstandings are at the root of their conflicts.
To overcome the misunderstanding, you begin stating and restating your position in an effort to make your position understood.
This generally has no effect other than to increase your partner’s frustration.
Similarly, if your partner has an annoying habit you begin to try to change her through criticism, nagging, and possibly even shouting.
Soon, both of you become increasingly frustrated and demanding. You both want to have your needs met and you need to prove that you are the wronged party.
You are right and they are wrong! Conflict increases and battle lines are drawn. Anger, resentment and disrespectful behavior can result.
This is one of the stages of marriage where, ideally, you want to “nip the problem in the bud”.
You still have enough remaining intimacy and love to learn how to successfully negotiate and communicate with your partner, and to change your focus from winning back to meeting your partner’s emotional needs.
Conflict by itself doesn't generally ruin marriages. Some couples fight a lot but never lose respect for one another.
They have figured out how to argue and negotiate appropriately.
Once respect is lost and contempt sets in, however, the relationship can be in serious trouble.
If either or both party stops caring, they can slide into emotional withdrawal.
Stage Three: Emotional Withdrawal
In the Blissful stage, people just want to make their partner happy.
Once you’ve entered the Challenged stage and have become more interested in having your own needs met, it becomes more difficult to care about the feelings and emotional needs of your partner.
You’re now more focused on yourself and on winning.
Instead of thinking of your partner’s actions as “stupid”, you may begin to think of your partner as “stupid”.
It seems obvious that nagging, disrespect, sarcasm and anger are not appropriate ways to resolve conflict and issues in your relationship, but that is what most married couples end up doing.
The goal becomes the win, the being right. When you are in a place where you want to win at all costs,
It’s highly unlikely that you are going to be thinking of your spouse’s needs and feelings. You are too focused on yourself.
Over time, when both partners have a constant need to win, 'gridlock' will set in.
You begin to feel that it’s impossible to resolve your differences, and that any further attempts on your part will only continue to frustrate, hurt or disappoint you.
Rather than continue down this painful path, one or both partners may simply give up and enter the stage of Emotional Withdrawal.
When you emotionally withdraw, you disengage emotionally, and usually to some extent physically, from the marriage.
You use the disengagement as a form of self-protection to minimize the conflict and the resulting pain.
You’ve given up trying to meet your partner’s needs and you’ve given up your efforts (as misguided as we now know they were) to have your own needs met by your spouse.
You start to live your lives separately, often under the same roof. You don’t share any activities, you don’t talk any more than necessary, you take separate vacations and you may sleep and eat separately. You may even live separately.
Once one partner has withdrawn emotionally, the other often follows, since their efforts to problem solve now fall on deaf ears. Why bother trying anymore?
At this stage of marriage, many marriages fail and couples divorce because neither one is interested in saving the relationship.
The good news is that very often one or even both of the partners will realize that they’re headed down a road that they don’t want to follow.
In your particular situation you realize that you still love your spouse that you have a lot invested in this relationship and you want to keep the family together.
If one partner wants to save the marriage – either before you enter the withdrawal stage or when you get a “wake up call” and move back out of it.
It is very possible to save your marriage and even get your relationship back to the Blissful stage.
You just need to learn to let go of the concept of winning or losing and get back to finding your collective and loving win / win.
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My name is Manish Yadav and I’m the owner of the blog "Love Finds its Way". My advice does away with the manipulations and mind games recommended by magazines and the surface level advice of TV gurus… We’ll dive DEEP into the psychology and biology of desire and give you actionable steps you can use today. Over 900,000 men & women have transformed their relationships as a result, and I've been featured in Lifehack, Return of Kings, Menimprovement, Urban Dater, and so on......and no... We're not here to play games so you can manipulate your significant other......My only intention is to help you and your partner have a healthy and loving relationship by working on your intimacy with each other.And we’re just getting started!
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