When you are in a romantic relationship, there are specific Inner Qualities that I call the “Trust building exercises for couples”.
This trust building activities will bolster your strength and give you the tools you need to build a strong marriage and bond together as a couple.
These 6 trust building exercises are so powerful that, if applied CORRECTLY in your relationship, will strengthen your marriage and fill up your Connection Account.
They create a rock solid foundation upon which you can build a rock solid and healthy marriage.
Here are the 6 trust building exercises for couples.
#1. Love
Love may seem self-evident, but when I use it here, I’m using it as the “be nice” category. If you are not kind and considerate to your partner, how can you ever build credits?
Always try to put yourself in their shoes, see things from their point of view, feel what it might like to be on the receiving end of your words and actions.
Be concerned for your mate. Cherish them and treat them with tenderness, respect and compassion. Love thrives on acceptance, love and appreciation.
#2. Honesty
If all marriages started with a promise of complete honesty in all situations, there would be a lot fewer divorces. Honesty means being truthful and sincere in a thoughtful way.
It should never be used as an excuse for brutal confrontation or to justify mean or petty behavior.
Honesty is the refusal to fake reality or pretend that things are other than they are.
Reality will always remain what it is in spite of any efforts to deny or ignore it, so isn’t it better to put it out on the table so that the two of you – together – can examine the situation and look for a solution?
If you’re not honest and up front about your needs, desires and worries, how can your mate respond to them?
He/She’s not a mind reader, so you should not expect him/her to understand you if you are not honest and open about what’s going on for you.
If you are always truthful and sincere, your partner will trust you. They will never need to doubt you or suspect you of doing anything he would not approve of.
They will not need to question your integrity.
In addition, if you can be honest with yourself, accept yourself as you are, you will have more self-respect and be a happier person.
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#3. Trust
Trust is very closely aligned with honesty. Without one, it is not possible to have the other.
Why would you trust a person whom you know is dishonest? Why would you be completely honest with someone you don’t trust?
Trust is not given lightly, it must be earned. It differs from honesty, which I recommend you give immediately and willingly in your relationship.
Trust must be earned over time. Once earned, trust needs to be maintained, but it’s worth the effort because it can smooth out many potential wrinkles in a marriage.
In a relationship, if you trust your partner you will generally believe in her and therefore be less likely to nag or try to control her.
If you trust him, there is no need for doubt or for jealously. You may have questions, but you will always feel comfortable stating your opinion (in a respectful way), asking for help in understanding what is going on or asking for what you want.
Money matters are often a big source of conflict in a marriage. Just think, if you completely trust your partner and they trust you when it comes to decisions about spending or earning money, how much conflict would be eliminated between you?
It is as important to trust in yourself as much as it is to trust your partner at every stage of your married life. Trust will help you maintain hope.
It can help you to see the “silver lining”; to believe that there is something good in everything that happens. It can heal your fears.
Your efforts to work on your marriage are an excellent example of trust. You are trusting yourself - that you have the strength and the stamina to get through this process.
You trust your partner enough to want them back and you believe that they will come back to you if that turns out to be the right thing to do.
You trust in the process itself and that you will, regardless of how your story ends, be a happy person again and accept the situation of your marriage
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#4. Integrity
Very simply put, acting with integrity means you say what you mean, mean what you say, and you do what you say you will do.
Some might characterize it as being “a man of your word”. Every time you live up to your promises and commitments you will put credits in your Connection Account.
There is more to integrity than that, however. It also means standing up for what we believe is right, and doing the right thing, for the right reasons, even if it is not in your own best interests.
A person with integrity has strong moral principles and is not afraid to be truthful, responsible or to be held accountable, especially in situations when you feel your marriage is falling is apart.
(The words “for the right reasons” are important here.
Like honesty, integrity must never be used as an excuse to do or say something spiteful or unkind. To do so would be to demonstrate the exact opposite of acting with integrity.)
Early in a love relationship, acting with integrity will help your partner understand where the points of agreement and disagreement in your values lie.
If you share similar values and stay together, you will have fewer disagreements and stresses because you will both be acting from a similar set of values.
Your partner will know you are reliable and can be depended on to always act according to those values.
#5. Respect
Respect means that you treat your partner in a thoughtful and courteous way.
It requires your full understanding that your spouse is a unique individual with her own ideas, needs and opinions. And this is significant to build a successful marriage.
He/She is not an extension of you, nor they are your pet or your property.
It is not your role to try to change him/her or make him/her into something he/she is not.
Partners who respect one another consult with, and listen to, each other. They value the other person’s opinions and take them into consideration when making decisions.
They take an active interest each other’s lives. They support and encourage each other. They do not insult, demean or ignore each other. They don’t engage in name calling or use sarcasm.
#6. Loyalty
When you got married you made a commitment to your partner, part of which was to remain loyal to him. Loyalty does not only mean physical faithfulness, it includes emotional commitment.
It is a powerfully binding feeling that strengthens our ties and keeps us together. Relationships can’t be truly intimate and loving without loyalty.
Are you your spouse’s first critic or first champion? Being loyal means siding with your partner, even when you think he may be partially at fault.
It means keeping his confidences at all times. Being loyal means keeping your partner’s needs as most important over all other peoples’ needs and accommodating him whenever possible.
Loyal spouses do not badmouth their partners to others. They defend and generously build each other up in their conversations with one another and with friends.
#7: FINALLY ASSESS YOUR CONNECTION ACCOUNT
It’s never too late to develop this 6 powerful trust exercises. Give some thought to what they mean to you and how you can apply them to your marriage.
As I mentioned before, even if you are separated, you can develop and demonstrate some of the Big 7 Bond Building traits.
You can be sure your partner will notice! Even if he/she is wary and suspicious of your motivation at first, he/she will definitely notice a sustained positive improvement in the way you treat him/her.
As an example, let’s look at the last one – “Loyalty”. Think again about my question
“Are you your spouse’s first critic or first champion?” If you are a critic, try to become a champion. Why are you a critic, anyway? Why are you critical of this person you love?
Remember, your ego has been put to bed and you no longer have a need to be the best or to be right.
So, the next time they come home with a story about a success at work, will you belittle their achievement or will you congratulate them and assure them you were confident that they could do it?
Even if you are apart, you can send them a quick congratulatory text when someone else tells you about his success.
Or if you have kids, imagine how great he’ll feel when one of them says to him, “Mommy says you’re the best electrician in the whole city!”.
Look at the list of this 6 trust exercises for couples. Make sure you thoroughly understand each concept (do some more research if you like).
Once you have a good idea of what each one really means, apply it to yourself and your relationship.
Do your attitude and behavior towards your spouse match up with each quality? If not (and I’m pretty sure they sometimes won’t!) think about why they don’t.
Perhaps you really are a critic rather than a champion. If that’s the case in one or more of the Big Six, maybe you don’t want to – or shouldn’t - save this marriage after all.
But what if you really are a champion, but you’ve been acting like a critic?
Try to figure out why you’ve been acting that way and think of some changes you can make to show your partner what your real feelings are.
I will stop here. I hope you loved reading this article on trust building exercises for couples.
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