Have you ever thought what is the purpose of your marriage? We get married for many reasons, but overtime as the feeling of ROMANCE, SEXUAL INTIMACY and SPICE fades away many unwanted things replace those feelings…Right?
We will discuss that in a minute. But for now I want to tell you something that has a lot to do with understanding what is the purpose of your marriage in order to improve your marriage.
I love sailing. While I’m not qualified to cross the Atlantic, I have read some about navigation.
In navigation, before the advent of GPS (and still when the batteries die), a sailor had the skies to use.
In using the skies, there is one central component: the North Star. No matter where one is, locating the North Star allowed the sailor to orient where he or she was, and more importantly, where the boat was headed.
We all have a North Star for our relationships. However, there are some North Stars that allow for a more true orientation.
Sometimes, we look to the sky and choose a star that looks promising, but will lead us astray.
False North Stars
Recently, I asked a group of my subscribers to answer this question:
“What is the purpose of your marriage?” The group gave me many interesting replies, many of which I would consider to be “false North Stars.” Here’s the list:
# Tax Break (Perhaps they haven’t heard the truth!)
# Promise & Commitment
These are not a typical responses. In fact, most of us grow up and are raised in environments where these reasons are why we get married.
I then asked this same group to rank the above purposes or reasons for marriage on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the most important. Here is what they came up with:
# Sex - 8
# Children - 8
# Companionship - 9
# Tax Break - 1
# Promise & Commitment - 7.5
# Support - 8
# Happiness - 9
Here is the problem with the list they created: what do you do when one or more of these purposes is missing?
In fact, what do you do when THE purpose you have chosen is missing. Will your marriage be successful?
I know you’re confused at this point because somewhere down the line there’s something missing in your marriage too.
Say For example, when a couple is in trouble, they are rarely happy. Yet in the above list,
Being happy in marriage rates a “9.” So if there is no happiness, but that has been the “North Star” for that relationship, there ends up being no reason for the marriage.
The number of people who tell me they are leaving a relationship because the two of them “just aren’t happy together” never surprises me. I guess I’ve become used to it—but aware of the tragedy of it.
A side-note about happiness: a study was recently released that showed couples who “stick it out” instead of divorcing when they are unhappy will report being “happy” when they are surveyed six years later.
Apparently, this has little to do with what has happened in the interim. So, sure enough, “sticking it out” is often the best choice.)
Finding A True North Star
Okay, so we can see what the false North Stars are. Let’s look at the true North Stars. But before I “pull the curtain back,” let’s remind ourselves about North Stars.
When sailors are navigating, seeing the North Star does not calm the waters or stop the storm.
It only means the sailor can find his way through the rough ocean. A North Star can pull us toward safe harbor. It does not create the safe harbor.
Knowing your North Star of the relationship will not calm the hurts, arguments, or pain of a relationship. It will simply keep you moving forward toward calmer seas.
So, what is the North Star of a relationship? After reflecting on the nature of true and false North Stars, here is what the same group came up with:
# Spiritual Growth
# Grow Old and Love Together
# Become Everything Each Can Be
This is a much more useful grouping. Each of these items are within our control. We can always work on self-improvement.
Sometimes, spiritual growth emerges from pain more strongly than from pleasure. Teams can function even when there is a difference of opinion.
We grow old together when we choose to. And when we decide to become all each can be, we move in that direction.
But there is one more piece to this puzzle, what I consider to be the truest North Star: commitment.
When we start with the fact that we have made a commitment, we have room for all the other points of navigation.
I have often had couples tell me, “well, if it doesn’t work out, we can always divorce.” I predict that when this is the mindset, divorce is almost guaranteed.
When we start with the idea that “I am in it for the long-haul,” our mentality changes.
We move toward working it out. As a billboard I recently saw points out, “Don’t stare at the problem—look for a remedy.”
Culture has reinforced for us that marriage is not permanent. We have created the “no-fault divorce.”
We have made it easier to get divorced than just about any other legal process. But, this violates the commitment that is the foundation of marriage.
Even though I am an Indian, but I have read in many books and online that those who were married in a church likely promised to stay married, regardless of health, good and bad times, money or no money, ending only with the death of one or the other. But we take that commitment lightly.
I would suggest that when commitment is made the North Star of a relationship, we honor our commitment and we act in ways that move us toward success, rather than failure, in relationships.
When commitment is the North Star, we design our lives to work through problems rather than getting mired in problems.
We see the relationship as a challenge, not a problem that we need to leave.
! What has been the North Star of your relationship?
! Is it a true North Star or false?
! If it is a false North Star, what would it mean to the relationship to change the focus?
! How did each of you frame your commitment when you married?
So, What is the purpose of your marriage. This article is very short but has lot to do with what you think about your married life.
It’s important to develop understanding, love and communication to have sustainable and healthy marriage.
I will stop here. But before I leave I would love to share with you an Amazing system that will help you to understand what is the purpose of your marriage?
I urge you to Watch This Video Below, if your married life is important to you.
Bye for now… have my best wishes in life stay happy and stay blesse.