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In this article let’s talk about how to not drive men away. Let’s talk about whether it ‘works’ or not to manipulate a guy and generally play games with him.
I know there are a LOT of women out there who secretly believe that just being ‘themselves’ isn’t going to be enough to attract a really super-high-quality guy and that it’s better and more effective if they just add a LITTLE bit of manipulation and misleading behavior to the mix.
Obviously, there are literally THOUSANDS of different ways to ‘play games’ with a guy, so in the interests of succinctness I’m going to narrow it down: specifically, let’s talk about the ‘playing hard to get’ idea.
Most of the women that I have dated have done this to me at one time or another:
I bet you know a couple yourself.
You might even BE one.
Unfortunately, something that most women don’t seem to realize is that, by playing this little game this game that is, ironically, designed to INCREASE the number and quality of the men in their lives they’re actually DRIVING AWAY the quality men and attracting LOW-QUALITY ‘substitutes’ into their lives.
Manipulative behavior is essentially where you deliberately act in a certain, planned way in order to create a certain feeling or behavior in a man.
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For example, it’s pretty common among a lot of women to act ‘hard to get’ around a man in order to get him wondering what’s going on and basically to get him CHASING her.
Instead of actually BEING a woman who has lots going on in her life, she just ACTS like one most likely because it’s EASIER to just FAKE IT than it is to invest in being the ‘real deal’.
And that’s when you get the kind of behavior that’s based around games like, ‘See if you can guess what I’m doing tonight’, ‘Do you think I’m dating other men?’, and ‘Try to figure out if I like you or not.’
Here are a few other examples of common manipulative behaviors that drive men away.
Pretending that your goals, or the things that you want, are different from what they actually are (i.e. pretending to a guy that you’re OK with a ‘casual thing’ when actually what you’re hoping to do is LOCK HIM DOWN)
Pretending that your personality is different from what it is (i.e. dampening down or hiding aspects of your personality until he ‘gets to know you better’ or until he’s ‘fallen in love with you’)
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Playing a certain role in order to get a guy to like you or to build interest (i.e. pretending not to be at home, pretending to have a busy life, pretending that you’re dating other guys)
Trying to control how he feels about you, or trying to intensify his feelings for you (i.e. by playing the ‘jealousy game’ where you talk a lot about other men in your life in front of him, or deliberately build them up to make him feel that there could be ‘competition’)
Unfortunately, buying into those kinds of mind-games just ensures that the relationships that you DO have are based around deceit and consistent, tiring effort.
And that you can NEVER be your true, relaxed self around that guy, in case he puts two and two together and concludes that you’ve been play-acting in order to ‘get him’.
So … WHY do women do this? When they know this things drive men away from them.
I mean, this is REALLY COMMON behavior we’re talking about here.
And let’s face it: NOBODY likes to be manipulated.
Chances are, you already know what it feels like to be ‘played’ by somebody and it doesn’t make you like them anymore, does it?
So WHY do women think that this kind of behavior will get them FURTHER with men than if they just chilled out and acted GENUINE?
Here’s my take on the subject: how to not drive men away.
Most women tend to follow rules and play games with men because they’re AFRAID that their REAL SELVES will not be ‘enough’.
Now here’s some food for thought: insecurity is the human condition.
EVERYBODY in the world, no matter how good-looking, skinny, well-dressed, or successful, experiences insecurity and worries from time to time that they might not be ‘good enough’.
This is simply a part of life. Those thoughts never go away.
But lots of women don’t realize this and think that their insecurities are actually based on REALITY (which they are not.)
They don’t realize that ‘insecurity’ is simply a part of being human and that if you give credence to your feelings of insecurity, you’re laying out the welcome mat for long-term unhappiness and low self-esteem.
They forget that insecurities will surface about ANY aspect of your life and that, if you ‘take care of’ aspect of yourself, another insecurity will pop up that’s related to an entirely different aspect.
IT WILL NEVER GO AWAY. And most women don’t realize this.
Hence, they buy into the idea that manipulating guys, deceiving them, and playing GAMES with them to ‘keep them interested’ is what’s necessary in order to have a relationship.
Can you see the link here?
Once you realize that INSECURITY is just a PART OF LIFE, and that EVERYBODY experiences it, you can stop stressing out and feeling ‘not good enough’ and you can stop feeling as though you need to be ‘more’ than you already are in order to attract some men.
This understanding takes a lot of the pressure off of you and, incidentally, can also free you up to stop wasting time and energy on the games, and start investing it in the REAL YOU.
Suggestion: instead of spending all your resources and energies on ACTING like a desirable and high-quality woman, why not invest it in actually BEING one?
So, instead of PRETENDING to be a woman who’s too busy to be available all the time, in order to convey the notion that you are a busy, passionate woman with a lot going on why not actually BECOME that woman?
Hang out with your friends more. Develop some interests. Play with your dog. Take yourself out for walks. Go for a scenic drive. Go to the gym. DO STUFF with yourself that gets you OUT OF THE HOUSE.
The benefits, of course, are twofold: not only do you SEEM like a woman who has a lot going on (which, truthfully, most men do find pretty hot) … but you’ll ALSO reap the benefits of actually BEING that woman.
You’ll have a more interesting life … you’ll get more done … you’ll have more fun … and you’ll also experience a natural readjustment of your PRIORITIES.
This is what I mean: when you don’t have anything going on in your life besides ‘trying to get a boyfriend’ and ‘acting attractive’, those things assume a preternatural importance in your life.
You start obsessing over them.
(Side effects of living this lifestyle frequently include scaring men away because you’re inadvertently broadcasting things like neediness, desperation, and inappropriate levels of hope and/or expectation to them.)
But when your life is BALANCED … and you’re getting ENJOYMENT and FUN from VARIOUS CHANNELS … the onus is no longer on some random man to provide your life with meaning.
Because you’ve found your own meaning. And although you might still like to find someone cool to spend cozy time with, you no longer feel like you NEED them … because your life is going to be pretty cool REGARDLESS.
What a concept, huh?
And just to answer that unspoken question:
YES, most guys CAN TELL when something doesn’t quite ‘add up’ in terms of authenticity.
So if you’re pretending to be something you’re not, just because it’s easier than actually being who you say you are, most guys can figure out that it doesn’t quite make sense.
Men tend to prize things like CONGRUENCY in thought and deed quite highly because when everything about a woman ‘matches up’.
It’s pretty clear that she’s a woman with a strong center that she’s probably not ‘play-acting’ in order to snag a relationship and that she’s not likely to be concealing any ugly truths about herself.
So CONGRUENCY is something that guys tend to look for in women.
Now, most women who are trying to manipulate guys or play games with them are NOT congruent, because it’s just not possible to create an entirely different persona for yourself once you get close with someone.
For example, one time I dated a girl who was VERRRRY ‘hard to get’.
She was always turning down invitations because she had other plans with friends, or she wasn’t home when I rang, or she had to leave early because she had a dinner to go to, etc.
I’ll admit it: I was intrigued by this girl, because she clearly WASN’T ‘gagging’ for a relationship and she had her OWN LIFE that she was passionate about. (Or so I thought.)
Of course, once we actually started seeing each other regularly, the façade wasn’t so easy for her to keep up – and I figured out that all of those urgent phone-calls, parties, dates with friends, and ‘other stuff’ that kept her so intriguingly hard to get hold of they were all FAKE LIES designed to ‘keep me wondering about her’.
Needless to say, we parted ways soon afterwards.
And hopefully, my point’s been demonstrated: that it is NOT easy to KEEP UP THE PRETENCE.
As far as ‘faking it’ goes, you have 2 options:
Either your guy (if he’s worth his salt) will eventually figure out that he’s being played, and will be out the door faster than you can say, ‘But I did it for youuuuu!’
Or you’ll be EXHAUSTED from the constant two-faced lifestyle, and will eventually crack under the strain.
Either way, it is NOT the gateway to a meaningful, worthwhile, MAGNIFICENT relationship … and it’s an entirely short-sighted way to go about your life.
Don’t think so much about the IMPRESSION that you’re making … focus instead on the REAL DEAL to ensure you’re not driving the man in your life away.
Be genuine and actually HAVE a cool life instead of FAKING a cool life.
Not only is it much more effective for attracting QUALITY MEN … but you actually get to have FUN in between dates too!
Ironic, isn’t it? The moment you STOP STRESSING about it, and focus on your OWN life … and start taking responsibility for your OWN happiness … and stop looking to someone else to tell you you’re attractive and ‘good enough’ … is, usually, EXACTLY when all those good things show up in your life.
The only caveat, of course, is that you DON’T NEED THEM TO.
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My name is Manish Yadav and I’m the owner of the blog "Love Finds its Way". My advice does away with the manipulations and mind games recommended by magazines and the surface level advice of TV gurus… We’ll dive DEEP into the psychology and biology of desire and give you actionable steps you can use today. Over 900,000 men & women have transformed their relationships as a result, and I've been featured in Lifehack, Return of Kings, Menimprovement, Urban Dater, and so on......and no... We're not here to play games so you can manipulate your significant other......My only intention is to help you and your partner have a healthy and loving relationship by working on your intimacy with each other.And we’re just getting started!
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