OK. Let’s get something straight here and learn how to flirt with a man.
The reason I am telling this, it’s because when it comes to being attractive women and taking charge of your attraction and relationships, most women simply don’t take responsibility because they just don’t know how to flirt with their man.
Specifically, here’s what I’m talking about: the fact that many of us are simply TOO SCARED to so much as show an interest in a guy.
I’m talking about an ability to FLIRT with a man in a fun, feminine, and FRIVOLOUS way that doesn’t make you feel like you’re inching out too far over that social precipice of ‘no turning back’.
Believe it or not, many of you are literally TOO SCARED and TOO CONFUSED to so much as smile at an engaging stranger.
Let me tell you a little story to illustrate my point to help you understand the art of flirting with a guy.
Recently, I went on a holiday’ in Goa a beautiful place here in India with a group of my close friends for a wedding.
It was a fair distance to travel, so we opted to split the drive into 2 days and stay overnight in a hotel on the way up.
Hotel visits being what they are, we went out for a fancy dinner, then afterwards headed to the hotel bar to have a nightcap and to dish about the upcoming nuptials.
We were standing at the bar sipping our cocktails, and this really good-looking guy noticed our group.
He took a good long look, then glanced away.
A few minutes later, he was staring again.
One of my female friends caught his eye; he smiled at her. And this was no winky-dink half-sneer or weak grin - I’m talking a nice big smile.
Here’s the freaky part: my friend absorbed his hopeful, friendly expression and then TURNED BACK AROUND to keep talking to us as though nothing had even happened!
This isn’t just ‘not flirtatious’ … in my opinion, that’s just downright RUDE.
‘Hang on a second,’ I said. ‘That guy just smiled at you. He’s cute. He seems nice. He was being friendly.
Why did you cold-shoulder him?’
‘I know, he IS really cute!’ she said. ‘Do you think I should have smiled back? I don’t want him to think I’m drooling all over him. He probably gets that all the time from women.’
‘Well, he’s definitely not going to think you’re thinking ANYTHING if you turn your back like that when he smiles at you,’ I said. ‘Turn around and wink at him or something.’
‘Oh, no!’ she said. ‘That’s definitely not my style. I’m just going to wait and see if he comes over. If he doesn’t, well, I guess he just didn’t like me all that much anyway.’
Now, if I was a girl, I would flirt with this guy in a bit different style.
I would chose to bite my lip here and not say anything more … but SERIOUSLY.
This was an intensely frustrating situation for me, because I KNEW what was going on here.
Here’s the deal.
My friend had recently come across a copy of an old dating book for women called ‘The Rules’, which gives specific (and very restrictive) RULES for what you ‘must’ do and not do if you wish to ‘get’ a man.
I’ll give you a few examples soon, but for now, just take my word that this is pure rubbish we’re talking about here.
The nonsense that my friend was now spouting - ‘I shouldn’t smile at him if he’s really interested he’ll come over and say hi to me if I make eye contact he’ll think I’m being too eager - came straight out of that book.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, she didn’t look at him, she didn’t smile at him, and she DEFINITELY didn’t wink at him … and less than 20 minutes later, he’d cozied up with another woman further down the bar.
(Incidentally, woman #2 was MUCH less cute than my friend. But what can I say? ‘Friendliness’ tends to beat ‘beautiful ice queen’ hands down.)
My female friend was gutted … but unfortunately, she only had herself to blame.
Well; herself, and the infernal ‘The Rules’ book that she’d been consulting.
The moral of this little story is this:
Flirting, in a way that gets RESULTS, isn’t about being BRAZEN or UNNATURAL.
It’s about showing a guy you’re interested, in a SAFE, SEXY, COMFORTABLE way and then seeing what happens.
The best part? You get to remain safe and cozy in your own little comfort zone, while your eyes, smile, and body language do the talking for you.
If he’s interested, and if you’re persistent, he WILL come over.
But – and here’s the ‘catch’ – he has to KNOW you’re interested for him to WANT to come over.
It’s a two-way street.
As an authentically irresistible woman, it’s up to YOU to DELIBERATELY unleash your attraction on the world.
Don’t expect a man to come along and ‘discover’ your inner Goddess for you under all those layers of shyness, hesitancy, and insecurity.
YOU need to take responsibility for the direction your life and relationships are heading in, and to take charge of your attraction, starting right NOW.
The easiest way to do this (and the most fun - don’tcha just love that?) is to master the art of FLIRTING with a man.
Remember ‘flirting’ is simply your own ability to SHOW INTEREST in a man, and encourage him to ‘make a move’.
No need to go out on a limb or do all the ‘heavy lifting’. It’s more about creating an opportunity for him to take things further … and then letting him take the bait.
And if you’re one of those women who subscribe, on some level, to the bizarre concept that smiling at a man or making eye contact with him is too ‘forward’ or too ‘risky’ for you, I have a suggestion: maybe NOW is a good time to get over that particular load of bilge water you’re shipping.
Let’s take a look at some of the BAD advice that’s circulating at the moment.
Many women subscribe on some level, often subconsciously and without realizing it, to parts of the ‘advice’ that follows.
Let me ask you a question: have you ever been in a situation where an attractive man smiled directly at you but instead of reacting warmly and flirtatiously you instinctively ‘froze him out’ and looked away without even really meaning to or realizing that you were doing it?
THIS is the kind of behavior that ‘The Rules’ is based on.
And know this: it will NOT help you to become a truly high-quality woman, earn the desire of the men you want, OR create the dream relationship that you deserve.
So: don’t beat yourself up. Perfection is not the goal here. Just be aware of your tendencies.
And now … here are a few of the ideas that we DON’T want to be following:
- Don’t initiate eye contact. Let HIM stare at YOU.
Women who initiate eye contact usually end up with men who aren’t all that interested. Remember: if he didn’t notice you first, he’s just not that interested.
- Don’t be the first to smile. It’s too eager. Let him smile at you.
- Don’t initiate a conversation. Let HIM make the effort.
- If you DO get into a conversation, be friendly and breezy, but don’t talk too much. Let him dictate the flow of the conversation. Be easy to be with and talk about what he wants to talk about.
Can anybody say … WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE??
Subscribing to this kind of manipulative advice is going to set you up for a life full of mediocre, confusing relationships that are based on game-playing and deception.
Fortunately, the first step towards ditching these unhelpful habits - and the loneliness-forming patterns that they create - is the simple AWARENESS that you may have unconsciously relied on these ‘protective’ behaviors in the past.
Here’s a tip for you: MOST WOMEN HAVE.
This little social malady is also known as ‘being insecure and trying to get him to like you more by recreating yourself as the woman you THINK he’ll be more attracted to.’
So here’s my suggestion on how to flirt with a man: don’t castigate yourself.
Don’t beat yourself up. Just be prepared to take a look at yourself with an open mind, and see if you might be unconsciously following these modes of UNHELPFUL and UNATTRACTIVE BEHAVIOR.
The truth of the matter is that, if you want to have magnificent, rewarding, and outrageously fun relationships with men who are right for you, then you need to start taking responsibility for your attractiveness.
You need to actively MAKE YOURSELF attractive to men – in a way that also lets your true self shine.
Manipulation is not required; HONESTY, and a willing to BE ATTRACTIVE in an authentic and genuine way, is By the way - I’m not just talking about your appearance here (although a little lip gloss certainly never hurts)
I’m talking about EVERYTHING that contributes to your Self and your Being as a woman.
Here are a few suggestions on how you can prepare yourself to put out the kinds of vibes that draw men in like a TRACTOR BEAM and that will SUBCONSCIOUSLY PREPARE YOU for a lifetime of unleashing your true, irresistible spirit on the world (and reaping the relationship rewards).
Ready? Here goes.
- Make HIGH ENERGY a natural part of your life. Get energized before going out or meeting people.
Bubbly, energetic women are attractive and intriguing to men.
No need to overdo it, or radiate so much energy that you seem fake, but know that high energy is attractive to others.
Listen to some pumping music before going out, dance in your room, or hang out with other high-energy people.
Also, make it a LIFESTYLE choice: invest in being healthy, nourishing yourself with good food, and taking time out to rest and rejuvenate.
It’s not always easy to do this; you must MAKE THE TIME to look after yourself. ‘Run-down’ is neither irresistible to be nor to witness.
(NOTE: don’t rely on things like Red Bull to give you pep. The trick here is to get your natural endorphins flowing and your skin glowing so that you radiate genuine happiness and joy in life.)
- Get yourself ‘in the mood’ for saucy interactions by giving yourself flirtatious looks and sexy smiles in the mirror as you apply your makeup.
Figure out which expressions suit you best and use them lavishly when you’re out.
- Put out the vibe. Know that guys get nervous when they think you’re not interested and if you want to meet someone new, you’ll need to make it CLEAR that their attention is welcome.
So: when you go out, smile PLENTIFULLY and BROADLY at any man you want to talk to.
Expect that you will need to smile at any guy at least three or four times before he summons up the nerve to come over.
- Don’t make ‘meeting men’ the center of your universe. Have a life of your own that you care about deeply.
This way, when he rings up to see if you want to hang out sometime, you won’t be tempted to jump all over him and ruin the fun with over-enthusiasm (‘Me? Sure! When? When? I’m ready whenever you are!’)
The bottom line is, having passions of your own, and a full life, is going to be attractive to any man of quality - because it proves that you’re your own woman (and, you’re not waiting for some man to come along and give your life meaning.)
Being a multifaceted woman will also prevent you from playing the ‘manipulation’ card and ‘claiming’ to be busy when in fact, you’re at home counting dust bunnies.
- Don’t focus on the outcome. Lots of women trip themselves up with men because part of their brain is always focusing on the future: ‘Will he be the one? Will he ask me out? Is he falling in love with me?’
This subtly alters the vibe you put out, and makes insidious changes to your attitude around men - putting unsavory characteristics like ‘neediness’ and ‘clinginess’ in the driver’s seat.
Steer clear of this tendency by putting your focus on the here-and-now, and getting interested in simply ‘meeting new people’ and ‘expanding your social circle’.
Trust me - the right man for me showed up when I was least expecting him, and it WILL work for you too.
You may have noticed that love is an elusive thing - it only comes home to roost once you’ve stopped rampaging around trying to force it to happen.
- Leave ‘The Rules’ well alone. If you have been doing so up until now, STOP playing by ‘The Rules’.
Their advice is useful insofar as ‘chasing a man’ is definitely UN-attractive; but you need to take responsibility for your life, your future, and the relationships that you have, and figure out that ‘taking responsibility for your love life’ doesn’t have to be the same thing as ‘chasing a man’!
It is possible to initiate interactions with men WITHOUT ‘chasing’ them. You have a part to play in social interactions too, so stop passing the buck and get involved!
I will stop here. If you loved reading this article on how to flirt with a man then you’ll also love this powerful video presentation below.
"Watch this how-to-video to learn the secret "desire text" message that men are powerless to resist.