The most typical burning question I've ever encountered in my life time is - Why do men look at other women? And how you can get him to look at you and only you?
So what do you think – why do men look at other women? What could be the reason. A question that had been asked so many times on blogs, forums and magazines.
Today you’ll get the exact answer to this burning question – why men look at other women?
And before you read further, I'll be very 100% honest with you that being a man myself I too love looking at other women.
And the BRUTAL reason why I and other men keep doing it. . . I'll reveal today.
To help you understand better why do men look at other women let me share with you an example (story) –
Martin’s head snapped around like he was in a car accident.
He felt a little twinge in the back of his neck like he’d strained something, but maybe it was worth it. Because she was beautiful.
Full lips, dark hair, a flirty little skirt. And those eyes.
He ran his gaze from her ankles up her calves.
He was briefly hypnotized by her thighs.
The whole world seemed to slow down as his eyes traveled across her body, and when she glanced over at him he felt a silvery thrill as his brain released a cocaine-rush of dopamine.
He drank her in with his eyes like a starving man in the desert.
Every curve. Every angle embedded itself in the deep lizard folds of his brain.
He wondered what she smelled like. He wondered what she tasted like.
He imagined what it would feel like to have her under him.
To take her. To posses her. To make her his.
And then she was gone and time moved forward again.
He went back to eating his sandwich and bullshitting with his friend Tim.
He thought about tonight and how he was going to surprise his girlfriend, Jenny.
He’d been planning this night for weeks. He couldn’t wait to see the smile on her face. He only hoped she knew how much he loved her.
If this were a Star Trek episode, this is where the alarm klaxon would start going off, because we’re about to enter dangerous territory and stuff you probably don’t want to hear. But I’m going to tell you anyway.
But for me to do that I need you to promise me that you’ll take this seriously, that you’ll read everything I’m about to tell you, and that you’ll do everything you can to empathize with men.
And realize that just because men are different than you, that doesn’t mean they’re inferior.
OK, I’ll get off my soap box now. (I feel like a disapproving professor when I talk about that stuff.)
Anyways, let’s get to work. The first question we need to answer is. . why do men look at other women?
“So Why do men look at (and lust after) other women?”
. . . and what do his wandering eyes MEAN to you and your relationship.
After all “Why does he look at other women?” isn’t the REAL question, is it?
The real question is: “Does he think she’s prettier than me? (me means you)
Does he wish I looked like that? Is he going to leave me for her?
Would he rather be with her? Is that the body type he wants and why don’t I have it?” and a whole gamut of other questions rooted in insecurity.
But before we address all these secondary questions, let’s just answer the first question as directly and simply as we can.
To be honest, Men look at other women because men like looking at other women.
(I told you it was going to seem unsatisfying at first.)
Men look at other women because it feels good to look at other women, because it causes all sorts of fun stuff to happen in his brain when he looks at other women.
And because (and this is thanks to thousands and thousands of years of evolution) he couldn’t keep himself from looking at other women if he tried.
It’s not what you wanted to hear, but it is pretty liberating: if your man looks at other women, it has little or no bearing on how he feels about you.
Go back to the story I opened this guide with. I wrote it based on actual experiences of both myself and my other guy friends.
I know, but I also wanted to very specifically show a common situation:
A guy looking at a woman, being physically attracted to her (on a basic level) and overwhelmed by her and then immediately going back to thinking about his girlfriend because lusting after some random girl has nothing to do with how he feels about his relationship or the woman in his life.
To a lot of women that kind of brain shifting seems almost impossible.
How could a guy look at a girl like that, think dirty thoughts about her, and still love and adore his girlfriend?
Well, he can do it because he’s a guy and because his physical attraction to other women and the knee-jerk reaction he has is in no way connected to his attraction to and love for his girlfriend or wife.
Your boyfriend or your husband looking at another woman (or even acting like an idiot over some girl in a magazine spread) does not mean he doesn’t find you attractive.
It does not mean he’s going to cheat on you, it does not mean he doesn’t love you. . . it doesn’t mean anything about you at all.
A woman who has the confidence to not be bothered by her man looking at other women has a much better chance of keeping a man happy and attracted to her and craving her than a woman who freaks out and thinks a man should only ever be attracted to her.
I want to invite you inside the head of a pretty average guy. Me.
As I’m writing this I’m 33 years old. I’m in a very happy relationship with an amazing woman (my wife) who I utterly adore.
I make my living by helping men and women have better, sexier, and more fun relationships.
And like all guys I’ve got a dirty mind. (Actually, my mind might be slightly dirtier than most. Or maybe I’m just better at talking about it.)
The point here is there’s nothing really special or different about me except for I’ve spent years and years coming to terms with my “maleness” and accepting it (as opposed to a lot of guys who are ashamed of their desires).
And as a regular guy I can tell you that if you date a heterosexual male who has any testosterone at all, he’ll not only LOOK at other women on a daily (hourly. . . minute-ly . . OK, all the time) basis. . .
But he’ll flat out imagine these other women naked, sweaty, panting, and doing all sorts of dirty things. And it doesn’t mean a thing.
Yesterday I decided to take a journal along with me and mark down when I caught myself looking at other women out in the world and what kind of thoughts and responses they caused in me.
I’m going to share exactly what I thought with you (My god, this is embarrassing.
Why am I doing this? Oh yes, for science! This stuff is going to get me arrested).
Here’s my timeline from when I left the house in the morning until I got home at night:
7:45 AM - Stared at my wife as she got out of the shower.
Marveled at her body. Felt a hunger rising in me.
Walked over to her and gave her a big hug and held her against me for a kiss. Thought about dragging her back to bed, but there wasn’t time.
8:00 AM - Surfed the web a little bit. Checked in with one of my favorite porn sites for a few minutes and masturbated before leaving for work.
8:30 AM - Headed towards the office. On the way there, saw a stunning college-aged girl standing at the bus stop.
Felt my eyes drawn to her ass like a magnet.
Fixated on the way her jeans held her and very briefly imagined her bent over in front of me. Kept walking.
8:45 AM - Sat down for breakfast at my favorite spot.
Swept my eyes briefly over the waitress and her low-cut shirt and her lips. Texted my wife a brief “You looked so delicious this morning” message.
9:30 AM - At my office. Caught myself staring at the hips of one of the women I work with.
She’s a beautiful, intelligent, dorky, awesome girl.
And for that brief moment her body called out to me like a lighthouse. Said hi and marched back to my desk to write.
12:30 PM - Took a break from writing to surf the web for a few minutes.
Got lost in the “flesh messages” broadcast all over the internet.
6:00 PM - Left the office and headed to the gym to do the day’s workout. Watched a good (female) friend doing squats.
Tried to push an overt appreciation of her backside out of my mind. Failed. Laughed it off. Sweated through a brutal workout.
Lying on the floor in a puddle of my own sweat, thanked some higher power for tight workout shorts worn by the girls in my class.7:30 PM - Got home to my woman. Got lost in the smell of her and focused all the stimulation from the day on her.
#1. This is really just a taste. If I actually marked down EVERY single time my eyes drifted to a woman’s ass or breasts or collar it would take up this whole guide and I’d get disgusted with myself.
#2. This is just one day, and really not a day that I was exposed to a particularly high percentage of women I personally like to look at.
#3. From talking to my male friends (and thousands of guys who follow me online), I’ve found that most men are the exact same way.
We drift through our lives in a state of constant sexual attention and stimulation, feel powerless in the face of beauty (or a girl in a short skirt), and devour the images of women in our everyday lives like a sumptuous feast.
And then (most of us) go home to the women we love without any feelings of hypocrisy and without giving it another thought.
So Why are Guys Like That? And Why do They Keep Looking at Other Women?
OK, now after going through my (embarrassing and somewhat graphic) timeline, you might be wondering WHY guys are like that?
After all, women aren’t like that. Women don’t imagine jumping every guy they see.
Are guys all perverts? Should you swear off men forever and go date women?
Or maybe get a dog. A dog would be good. A dog would never look at other women.
Let me just tell you a few simple facts about men:
1. Men are VISUAL creatures. A lot of men (like me, actually) think in images, as opposed to words or sounds.
In a lot of ways, guys are slaves to our eyes. We really can’t ignore what we see and we’re seduced by what we see way more than women are.
If you think about it this way you might realize what kind of torture it is to be a guy these days because images of hot women in a state of sexual heat are literally everywhere.
I blame the media for this (sex sells), but the fact is sexual images designed to bore into the skulls of men are EVERYWHERE.
And just walking through the world (or flipping through a magazine, or going online) and trying not be sexually engaged is like walking through a chocolate factory (with that amazing smell wafting into your nostrils) and not wanting just a little bite. Impossible.
2. Genetically, men are hard wired to want a LOT of sexual partners.
We’re not wired for monogamy (and neither are women, actually. Check out a great book called Sex at Dawn for proof).
The short version of this argument is that men are designed to seek out a wide variety of sexual partners over their lifetimes and spread their seed as far as they can.
From a biological standpoint, this makes a lot of sense (since it promotes genetic diversity and increases a guy’s chances that at least one of his kids will live long enough to pass along his genes).
From a social standpoint, it sounds like lazy BS or a lame excuse a guy would make to get himself off the hook, right?
Unfortunately, just because it sounds like lazy BS doesn’t mean it’s not true.
David Deida tells a great story in one of his books.
He asks a group of men at one of his seminars, “Which would you rather have, a magazine with 50 pictures of the single most beautiful woman in the world, or a magazine with pictures of 50 different reasonably attractive women.”
And every single guy says he wants the magazine with more variety.
The important thing to understand here is that this isn’t a flaw of character (oh, he SHOULD just want one woman but he CHOOSES to want a whole bunch).
Character has nothing to do with it (and neither does morality).
It’s just plain biology for a man to crave and want and lust after and look at and sexually assess every attractive (to him) woman he sees.
Now, I’m not saying a guy should act on those impulses or desires or that he even really wants to act on them, but they’re there.
And as a woman you can either get mad about it or you can accept it and use it to your advantage (we’ll talk about that later).
So going back to our core point. . .
When a Man Looks at Another Woman...
- It’s not because he doesn’t love you.
- It’s not because he doesn’t find you attractive.
- It’s because millions of years of evolution have designed him to always be on the lookout for sexually mature women he could mate with and get children upon. (Wow, I can’t believe I just wrote “get children upon.”)
No matter how in love or devoted a man is to you, nothing short of castration or stabbing out his eyes is going to stop him from looking at (and lusting after) other women.
(Please don’t do that. Really. Seriously. Don’t. You’ll go to jail, and then you’ll NEVER get a man).
Before I Stop I Want to Share The Douche bag Exception
I should make one quick exception here. The “douche bag exception” is for guys who aren’t worth dating or marrying in the first place.
These guys are really easy to notice because they’re the guys who are goggling over the waitress (or the college volleyball team at the bar) while sitting at the table with their date.
And to me, that’s just unacceptable behavior.
Yes, your guy is going to notice if the waitress has a nice ass, or if the volleyball players are doing shots off each other’s impossibly firm abs, but if he’s 23 or older he should be socialized enough to know that he shouldn’t stare in front of you.
OK, now that we’ve talked about why do men look at other women in the real world, let me dig an even deeper and share something amazing with you that'll change you love and sex life.
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