Before I get to the main topic which is how to overcome doubt in a relationship with man, I want to tell you something.
It is this! Don't you think whenever the word "doubt" creeps in your mind, the word "sex" too creeps in automatically isn't it?
I hope you got my point but this article is not on cheating but it's more about getting rid of doubts and fears about your relationship with your man (applies for married and dating women)
So let's find out how to overcome doubt in a relationship with your man.
When most of us think of ‘passion’, we think of it as being a physical thing: the ‘passion’ that we experience for their, um, body.
And it’s true – when we’re with someone new, the novelty of a whole new body, and even a whole new personality, to play with is usually enough to create passion all by itself.
But think about the LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP for a moment here.
If and when you decide to get married, you’re promising to spend the rest of your natural life with that one person.
No ‘I’ve got a new body to play with’ fun and games … EVER AGAIN.
So how do married people stay attracted to one another and stop doubting one another?
Is it even POSSIBLE? Or do they just grit their teeth and tough it out, resigning themselves to a complete LACK of sexual joy in the hopes that having a ‘life companion’ will somehow balance out the bedroom blues??
Call me an optimist, but I choose to believe NOT.
And here’s why. Enjoying a short-lived physical thrill is one thing.
But to create passion anew every single day for, oh, maybe the next FORTY YEARS with another human being, ‘passion’ becomes more of a cerebral thing.
Everything needs to be A-OK ‘up there’ in order for it to be A-OK ‘down there’.
Allow me to clarify: to keep PASSION alive and thriving, you need to have a strong psychological and emotional BASE for that passion.
It CANNOT exist without a strong, sturdy, PERMANENT foundation – a foundation that’s linked to how you see the person you’re with, and how you see the bond that you have together.
That foundation is ESSENTIAL. And here’s what it’s made of: the complete absence of ambivalence.
To keep passion alive, you need to HAVE NO DOUBTS and even if you've one get rid of your doubts for the sake of your relationship.
If you’re doubting that someone is ‘right’ for you, then you are SIMULTANEOUSLY both predicting and creating the future demise of your passion and your relationship.
It really is as simple as that. We’ll go into this concept more in just a moment, but before we do, a small hint: ‘having no doubts’ doesn’t necessarily mean that the man you choose needs to be perfect.
A ‘lack of flaws’ is not necessary in order for you to experience a lack of DOUBTS.
As a matter of fact, he can be just as flawed as they come … as long as YOU still feel, unequivocally, that he’s RIGHT for you.
Case in point: One of my friend Ria recently got engaged to Ahwin, her long-term flame.
Do they have a ‘perfect’ relationship? Hell no!
They have their little tiffs. They both joke about the times they ‘get on each other’s nerves’.
They even get annoyed with each other sometimes.
But the bottom line is that they still think the other one is the BEST PERSON THEY’VE EVER MET and more importantly they never let the word "doubt" enter their minds.
And they both know that they want to be with each other.
So I’ll repeat that one more time: PERFECTION IS NOT NECESSARY.
CERTITUDE is what’s necessary.
And if you’ve got that certitude, then congratulations – your future is about as ‘set in stone’ as it’ll ever get … which means that any problems on the ‘passion’ frontier will be avoiding you like the PLAGUE.
Nice. Now, I realize that all this may seem a little ‘intense’, or maybe even a little bit CRAZY … and it’s probably not what you’re used to hearing, either.
I mean, face it. Most men and women are used to hearing about ‘techniques they can use in the bedroom’, and how to dress like a rock star, a bombshell, and a tramp so men don’t get ‘bored’.
If you’re having problems believing me, then I suggest you mosey on down to the local corner store, pick up a copy of Cosmopolitan, and take a look at the cover.
All you’ll see are dieting tips, headers for things like ‘5,000 Dresses That You Have To Have NOW’, and … you got it … sex ideas for ‘keeping the passion burning’.
I think the last one I saw was ‘sex tips so good he’ll forget his own name … but remember yours forever.’ Catchy, huh?
But the IMPORTANT sex question here is … do ‘sex tips’ actually WORK? My answer is YES/NO Both.
Now, don’t get me wrong here. I’m here to help men and women educating themselves on their own sexuality and how to get more out of their naughty naked times.
(Truth be told, I think most MEN could stand to brush up on that side of things, too.)
But I DON’T think that sex tips alone are EVER going to be enough to ‘keep the passion burning’.
They need to be used in tandem with a sound understanding of the PSYCHOLOGY and EMOTION behind true, lasting passion.
Clearly, I have a whole ’not her take on the matter from most people.
(Business as usual, right?) So let me take a moment here to break it all down, and explain exactly what I believe is important to overcome doubt in your relationship with man.
Let’s take it step-by-step.
Truth #1: In order for passion to last, you must have CERTITUDE and you must have NO DOUBTS about the person that you wish to feel continued passion for.
Truth #2: Without that certitude, you are – by definition – experiencing The Doubts.
Truth #3: When you doubt, what you are experiencing is the absence of a positive.
Truth #4: As far as relationships go, there is no such thing as a ‘neutral vacuum’: that ‘absence of a positive’ actually translates to a NEGATIVE.
Truth #5: You cannot conceal that negative vacuum from yourself OR from the man you’re experiencing it on behalf of. It will do damage to BOTH of you.
Truth #6: Damage equals lack of passion. Lack of passion equals demise of relationship. THEREFORE … The basis of a relationship that TRULY LASTS is a COMPLETE LACK OF DOUBT. Ta-daaaaah!
There you have it, my dears … I have effectively broken down the requirements for a successful relationship into a SCIENTIFIC FORMULA FOR SUCCESS.
And the result of such a formula? We’re all going to need ‘ambivalence immunizers’ if you’re going to experience relationships that last with the BEST MEN you’ve ever met.
I mean it. You are going to need a quick shot of ‘shut the hell up’ in your left arm that’ll put paid to the Voice of Doubt inside of you that goes, ‘Uhm … are you SURE you really want to spend your life with this man?
Are you SURE that you’re not SETTLING for something LESS THAN?
Are you SURE that someone even better isn’t waiting JUST around the corner??’
I got an email the other day from a 37 year old woman who has just received a marriage proposal from her boyfriend and passionate lover of three years.
Instead of being HAPPY about the fact that the so-called ‘love of her life’ has recently decided that he’d like to spend his entire life making her happy, she’s plagued by the exact same doubts in the above mentioned paragraph.
That is: instead of being HAPPY that she’s got the option to commit to this excellent man, she’s WORRIED that, by so doing, she’s going to be somehow ‘missing out’ on ‘all the other great men out there’.
She wrote, ‘What if I get married and then after a couple years I meet someone even better?’
This is EXACTLY what I’m talking about here.
Toxic, toxic, nauseatingly toxic DOUBTS about whether you’re making the ‘right decision’ or not … and about whether you’re not somehow SETTLING for someone who’s LESS than what you ‘could get’.
So how to CURE this condition and get rid of your doubts of whether the man in your life is right for you or not?
So, to learn how to overcome doubt in your relationship with your man here’s the 3-part ‘booster shot’ that I’m going to provide you with right now:
Booster #1: Become A Media Critic. Right Now To Get Rid of Your Doubts About Your Relationship.
The media will poison your reality with unrealistic images of what a ‘good relationship’ should look like.
It will tell you that you shouldn’t ‘settle’ for anything less than SHEER PERFECTION.
It will make you feel as though, if you accept a mortal, flawed, and ultimately HUMAN man into your life, that you are somehow ‘compromising yourself’.
It will make you feel as though you should AVOID all relationships with ‘real men’, because hey – why live with a real man, who’s available and wanting you right now, when you could (or so they suggest) have a Calvin Klein model?
Time to wisen up, lady folks. The media sucks.
It cannot be trusted. Don’t listen to its lies.
You don’t need to compare yourself, your lover, or your relationship against any crock-of-gold B.S. that the media wants you to believe in.
So don’t you friggin’ DARE measure your own life up against the kinds of images that you see on T.V. or in the movies.
Trust me; once you start buying into the ‘hmm, maybe my life isn’t so great after all’ mindset, you will NEVER win. Comparison kills.
The media sucks. Look at your OWN life, and make up your OWN mind about whether you like what you see.
Booster #2: Pick The Winners And Kill Your Doubts Right Now.
The man that you accept into your life must be someone that you’re excited about having there.
Settling for someone who’s ‘less than’ is hardly going to provide you with the life of passion that you want, now is it?
Common sense, people. This is a no-brainer: don’t settle for less.
If your gut is telling you that this man isn’t right for you … or if he’s got a gaping flaw that you just can’t get your head around …
if you’re constantly thinking, ‘You’d be perfect for me, apart from this one little thing’ … then chances are high that this is NOT the man who you’ll be enjoying great sex with for the rest of your life.
Don’t try and force yourself to be happy with less.
When you experience REAL chemistry, it’ll sock you in the head and you won’t need to try and ‘convince yourself’ of ANYTHING.
You’ll just know. So keep having your fun with men until that happens … but until it does, just relax and don’t try to ‘force it’.
Booster #3: Don’t Listen To Your Friends They Only Increase Your Doubts.
Your friends probably like to give you advice on the men that you meet and date.
But let me tell you that after a date, and even during long-term relationships, most women will get together with their friends and literally analyze what’s going on.
‘Did he mean X when he said Y?’
Time to fess up … chances are, YOU and YOUR FRIENDS like to do this, too.
But consider yourself warned: this is NOT necessarily a good way to conduct your life!
Your friend have the best intentions in the world.
All they want is to see you happy, right?
They will try to help you ‘figure out’ whether he’s the right one for you, whether he should be forgiven for his transgressions, and whether you really have a right to be pissed off after an argument.
Here’s the deal, though: you don’t need any help.
And nor should you. Especially not with that kind of stuff.
And ESPECIALLY not the kind of help that comes from people who have no idea what it’s like to be you, or to be in the relationship that you are in.
And that means that ANYONE WHO IS NOT YOU will NEVER be able to give you advice that’s even nearly as good as what you already know.
Let’s be frank: to give advice, you need to have prior experience.
And your friends have no experience at all of what it’s like to be you.
Know this: the advice that they give you, while it’s likely given with the best of intentions, has no relevance to your position.
And following that kind of advice is definitely not a guarantee that you’ll ‘make the right decision’ or ‘do the right thing’.
Put plainly, it’s a heaving crap shoot: you MIGHT get lucky … but chances are high that you won’t.
So just don’t listen to anyone else but yourself. Seriously.
TRUST NOBODY. When it comes to you and your own personal life, remember this: they know nothing, and you know everything.
Because it’s YOUR instincts that count here.
For me personally, when my friends want to dole out some more ‘gems’ on what I should do or how I should deal with something, I’ll usually listen to them.
I might even ask their opinion every once in a while.
But whatever they say just helps me to clarify what I’ve been thinking all along.
It’s definitely not something that I pin my ears back for and take notes on.
So as far as the ‘woman-to-woman’ talks go, use them as a kind of well-intentioned ‘devil’s advocate’ if you like – but NEVER as the ‘final word’ on what you ‘should’ or ‘should not’ do.
** So there you go: how to AVOID the doubts in a relationship with man and maximize the passion.
It’s all written down in plain English.
You’ve got to be TRULY happy with a man – happy to the point of ‘having NO DOUBTS’ – in order to create passion that truly lasts.
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