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If your sex life is more predictable than a bad soap opera storyline, maybe it’s time to start mixing things up a little bit and find out how to have great sex with your partner.
I know, in a perfect world everyone would be totally sexually compatible and have amazing, mind-bowing sex every… single… time.
In reality, we aren’t always satisfied. It’s totally normal to have needs and desires, but neither we, nor our partners are mind readers.
If your couple’s sex drive has gone walkabout, you can chase her back with seriously hot sessions of sexual tension.
You want to have amazing sex five days a week, right?
You want your partner to always be in the mood for it, keen to get down and dirty whenever you give her so much as a sideways glance?
Making sure the sexual chemistry between the two of you is on duty all the time is not as difficult as it sounds, trust me.
With just a few simple tricks, the “LOST: Libido! If found, please return to owner” scenario will turn into “Sex so good, the neighbors will complain”.
Read attentively and start doing your homework right away and have great sex with your partner! The best sex ever I mean.
As I’m sure you have a lot of questions as to why she is not just as willing to doing it with at least half of the frequency with which you’d be willing to do it.
Before that here are a few possible reasons to why she might be denying you absolute pleasure and you’ve failed to please her sexually.
The truth is, sometimes a woman doesn’t want to do the horizontal (or vertical… or upside down) dance of love.
Sometimes she may not want great sex for a few days, a couple of weeks or perhaps even longer.
About 40 percent of women experience low libido- lack of sexual desire- at some point in their lives, for reasons as varied and complex as women themselves.
The key to dealing with it lies in knowing the cause.
So let’s go to the beginning.
Remember when you first met your partner and the only thing that could keep you apart was a high-pressured hose (nu pun intended) or your mates screaming, “Get a room!”?
Experts have a name for this honeymoon phase: limerence.
And the reason they have a specific, scientific-sounding word to describe the period of infatuation with someone new is because it’s been proven to alter our emotional, physical, intellectual and sexual states.
“Female desire is maximizes during limerence and great sex is the result of that”, explains Dr Rosie King, sex expert and author of Where Did My Libido Go?.
“An increase in pleasure hormones triggers a rise in testosterone in women, which in turn enhances sexual desire and leads to great sex and your best sex ever.
But 12-18 months on, limerence begins to fade, so it’s unrealistic to expect that same level of sexual desire to be present later on in your relationship.”
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So now that you know it’s completely normal for your partner not to always want to jump on your boner 24/7, and the reason is as scientific as it can be, I have to tell you that other factors for low libido may arise.
A big one is stress. To put it bluntly, sometime life gets in the way and having great sex with your partner becomes a mystery.
I’m not saying that sex is completely out of the picture.
But the chances of an overworked, stressed out, emotional woman coming home from a hard day/week/month and demanding that you disrobe her immediately for some sexy times are about as likely as Megan Fox turning up at your door tomorrow and asking for your hand in marriage.
Sexologist and relationship expert Dr Nikki Goldstein agrees that a woman’s energy and stress levels have a huge impact on her sex life.
“If she’s stressed or exhausted, the last thing she’ll want to do when she gets home is have sex.”
Here is a story to prove my point.
Twenty-six-year-old Karina recently experienced this when she was traveling a lot for her job.
“I love my boyfriend, but I was so tired that even the thought of having sex wan an effort”.
If this situation sounds familiar, I suggest you take it easy, don’t pressure her into doing what she’s just not ready to do at the moment.
It’s ok if she’s not feeling sexual every so often, you have to understand that.
Give her a break and think about it this way,
“This month she’s on deadline and she’s really stressed-
I’m going to accept that her desire is not here and know that it’s being impacted because of what’s happening in her life at the moment”.
If you don’t think stress is the problem, and she hasn’t wanted sex in a while, chat to her doctor about any medication she’s taking, as some contraceptive pills and antidepressants have an adverse effect on her sex drive.
Experiencing pain or discomfort during sex is also a common reason why women don’t want to engage in sexual activity.
Again, your best option is to talk to take her by the hand and go talk to the doctor to see what exactly it is going on.
If after an honest discussion on the matter she admits to often thinking about sex, though not actually engaging in it with you, you might go through what doctors call “situational loss of desire”.
If she’s happy to masturbate and she clearly desires sex, there is actually nothing wrong with her libido, but often there is something wrong with your relationship or the quality of the sex you’re having.
Problems in a relationship can transfer into sexual boredom.
In this case, it is best to sit down and have a conversation with your partner so you can both check in and try to work through any issues.
The key to a good relationship is communication; I’m never going to grow tired of saying this!
Talk to her about how you are feeling and try to find out her reasons of discontent if you want to have great sex with her.
It will take the pressure off. And remember, pressure = no desire.
Also, discuss about the possibility, for starters, of scheduling time for sex.
Try new things and new sex positions, act out your deepest fantasies, play with sex toys or watch some porn together.
Another great idea: masturbate together! Sometimes when you don’t use it, you lose it!
Now with the good news, since I’m sure you are more than eager to hear something more pleasant to the ear for a change.
You can turn the page to your advantage faster than it takes me to say “I’m turned on!”.
With the right advice, of course. Read ahead and start taking notes.
Thankfully, low libido doesn’t mean the end of your sex lives.
You might think sex should happen spontaneously, but great sex is actually created.
Yep, this means actually getting to work.
Think of it this way: if you want to go to the movies with a friend, you don’t just randomly find yourself at the cinema.
You ring them, make a date, organize a time and drive there.
It’s the same with sex. Set aside some time for your relationship and then see what happens spontaneously.
And make sure you adopt a positive attitude in the bedroom, as negativity will only be met with more negativity.
“A woman’s sexual self-esteem is fragile, so why risk pointing out what your partner is doing wrong?” says sex and relationship expert Tammy Nelson, author of Getting the Sex You Want.
Never say, “I hate it that we are not doing sex as often as before”, instead say, “I love it when we find time and make love”.
As for more practical things, know that the actual secret for unleashing her hunger for sheet action is creating sexual tension and getting the sexual excitement back again.
How do you do that? Easy! Just follow my lead and learn here how to have great sex or best sex ever with your girl.
There’s a time and a place for “wham bam, thank you, ma’am” hard and fast sex.
Sure, it can be fun and exhilarating, but the truth is that just because she reacted well to it once, does not mean she is into it all the time.
If sex is done and dusted in the time that takes to heat up a microwave dinner, stop, slow it down, and the focus off the final act altogether.
Rather than rushing straight to the end result of ho-hum penetrative sex, take the time to slow down.
Forget the sex part, forget the nudity part even.
Take away the element of having to get to the “end”.
It sounds cheesy, but sometimes women want to make love, rather than make the bed break.
Try starting off slow the next time you’re in bed.
She’ll be more than pleasantly surprised… and turned on and wet.
And she being turned on is your ultimate turn on as well, after all.
Also don’t be afraid to ask her how exactly she’d want you to proceed.
Ask her to be specific about what she wants, as her idea of romantic sex might be different from yours.
You’re not in it just for yourself- making sure she’s satisfied should be part of your mission, so make sure you know what works for her also.
Clothes-on sex is also a very good option.
She doesn’t have to wear lingerie, just anything she feels good in or what you like to see her in.
Enjoy the process of everything that comes before the final act.
Spend some time in a curiosity-focused exploration of over-the-clothes touching.
Have her touch you through the seat of your pants and vice versa.
Respond to her responses: go where it sounds like it feels good.
Make sure you communicate lots! Linger in this stage for as long as you possibly can and see where it goes.
Some guys don’t dig it, while other guys love nothing more than a trip downtown.
While others are simply just shy.
If you fall into the latter category, you’re not sure how to do it or you’re unclear about whether she even likes oral sex, go for some verbal encouragement while you’re in the middle of a passionate moment.
Say, “I would love to feel you down there” or “Please let me explore you with my tongue”.
If that’s too forward, try some body language.
There’s nothing wrong with a subtle move of the head in the direction that you want to go.
When you do venture down there, be on the prowl for signs that she is enjoying it.
The more noise she makes, the better.
There’s no better guide to the map of her body than she herself.
Once she’s hot and bothered, try “The Claw”. It’s so named because it used o claw-like hand shape by pressing the two middle fingers towards your thumb.
Once she’s warmed up and a little wet, insert your two middle fingers into her vagina and place your thumb on the outside of her pelvic bone (just under her tummy), so your palm rests against her clitoris.
Imagine your aiming for her bellybutton as your fingers inside pulse intermittently- it’s as if you’re trying to get the two middle fingers to touch the thumb through the skin and muscles.
This achieves the pinnacle of orgasms, the simultaneous penetrative (G-spot) and external (clitoral) orgasm.
Women are built differently than men.
If a woman shows you her boobs (or even a photo of boobs!), you’ll pretty much be ready for action and great sex.
For women, arousal is often a slower process, which you might get frustrated with- or don’t understand at all.
If you tend to move too fast, let her take charge of the foreplay, so that she can slow down the pace to her own liking.
While you prefer to be touched in your more sensitive parts sooner, women like to be touched on their hands, face and arms first before their intimate erogenous zones are approached.
Try this strategy out on her the next time you’re in bed: start by touching her face and chest, massaging her back and butt and allowing her to take the most out of foreplay.
Remember that your set of Speedy Gonzalez moves are more appropriate for the morning you’re engaging in a delightfully dirty quickie.
Whether you want to have sex in public, try a threesome or role-play, talking to your partner about your fantasies can be awkward.
But having a sexy bucket-list is totally normal- not to mention beneficial to your bedroom times.
Acting out fantasies is a great way to create erotic energy and spice things up.
You can share your fantasy by whispering it in your partner’s ear when you’re already in the heat of the moment- it will intrigue her and turn her on.
If you’re not game enough for dirty talk, I’d suggest you try the “dream fantasy” trick.
Tell her you had a sexy dream about the two of you, and tell her your fantasy as though you acted it out in your dream the night before.
Make sure you tell her how hot the dream was for you and that you’d like to make it come true.
Most men (and women, to be honest!) think that tantra is something excruciatingly difficult to achieve, something that takes such a massive effort, but it’s not like that.
Tantra can bring harmony into all aspects of ourselves: body, heart and soul.
You become more emotionally connected and learn more ways to feel love.
In a notch, tantra is about acknowledging the sensations that you’re feeling.
Because I know it’s hard to believe deep breathing, channeling energy and visualizing the greatest orgasm of your life can turn you into a sex god, here are a few exercises to see for yourself.
Sit cross-legged, face to face, on a mat.
Start with some pelvic floor exercises, which involve squeezing and releasing the pubococcygeal, or PC, muscles (the ones you use to start and stop the flow of urine).
Many people assume that these exercises are only for women after childbirth, but they’re beneficial for both men and women.
As well as strengthening the grip of a woman’s vagina, making it more pleasurable for your penis, they also increase blood flow to the region and stimulate your sexual organs and which in turn can help you to have great sex.
As you focus on your breathing similarly to yoga, but through the mouth rather than the nose- move your hands up your bodies to help you visualize pulsing the good feeling right up to your hearts.
Loosen up further by standing opposite one another and undulating your hips in loose figures of eight. The “kundalini” sexual and spiritual energy is said to be stored in the pelvic bowl- the hips and the pelvis.
Afterwards, sit on cushions and take turns musing on “what touches your hearts”.
You’ll be relaxed enough to see this as something intimate, rather than awkward.
Sitting side by side, place your right hands in your respective groin areas, with your left hands over your hearts.
Arch your backs, breathing deeply and clenching your pelvic floors.
Once you’re both a bit aroused, have your partner sit astride your lap and sweep your hand down your body and then up hers, transferring the energy from your heart to her intimate area.
Have her do the same to you.
Tantra can also be used when it comes to erotic massages.
An erotic massage is not so much about teasing, but about building more and more sensual pleasure through the body so that when orgasmic experience happens, waves of energy vibrate throughout it.
There are a millions ways to stroke a woman’s “sensitive” parts.
The idea is to keep bringing her to the brink of orgasm then pulling back.
With practice, by massaging her clitoris and her labia, you can give her an orgasm so great that will fill her with energy and revitalize her.
Sometimes good sex it’s all about doing things a little bit different. There’s no rocket science involved, just use your imagination to your advantage.
Here are a few tips to get yourselves started and experience your best sex ever.
The missionary is a go to position for many couples, but turning it upside down could be the answer to your orgasm prayers.
Of all the sexual positions available, I think the missionary is the least conducive to female orgasms, simply because the alignment of angles between the bodies doesn’t actually allow for simultaneous external and internal stimulation.
Try the on-top angled position, with you on the bottom, propped up slightly by resting on either your elbows or the palms of your hands, while she sits on top and leans her torso far forward do that she’s resting against your chest.
By leaning in towards each other, the angle of your penis is perfectly geared towards reaching her G-spot, and her clitoris is also stimulated as it’s being rubbed against your pelvis.
If you’re always having sex in the bedroom, try getting down in the shower.
No doubt, your bed sees most of the action, but hey- we all need to wash! So why not save water and take your woman along for the ride?
Get some soap or body wash and start lathering your partner up slowly and deliberately, rubbing your bodies together when you’re all slippery.
Once the soap is washed off, start nibbling and kissing her all over.
Be sure to turn the water down so it’s a nice and warm trickle, and experiment with different positions to find what works best in the space you have.
Try propping a large mirror against a wall and then take her from behind in front of it.
The view will get you both extremely hot! Also, experiment with light bondage.
Tie her hands in silk and don’t let her touch you as you… touch her all over.
As for advanced foreplay techniques, convince her to walk around the house in something see-through. Go both nude if you want to up the ante!
Well, I will stop here that’s all I could cover here. If you loved reading this article on how to have great sex with your girl then you’ll also love this Powerful Video Presentation Below.
My name is Manish Yadav and I’m the owner of the blog "Love Finds its Way". My advice does away with the manipulations and mind games recommended by magazines and the surface level advice of TV gurus… We’ll dive DEEP into the psychology and biology of desire and give you actionable steps you can use today. Over 900,000 men & women have transformed their relationships as a result, and I've been featured in Lifehack, Return of Kings, Menimprovement, Urban Dater, and so on... ...and no... We're not here to play games so you can manipulate your significant other... ...My only intention is to help you and your partner have a healthy and loving relationship by working on your intimacy with each other. And we’re just getting started!