Are you really happy with him? I am asking this question because no long-term relationship can be successful without the spice of happiness in it.
To be honest I really hope that you are happy with him. I hope that you’re dating a wonderful man.
But no matter how hard I try to pretend, but I have a bad news for you.
And it is that roughly 1 in 10 chance that your relationship will last.
Think about it. How many times have you been married? We’ll call this x.
How many men have you dated over your lifetime? We’ll call this y.
Now, get out a calculator. Divide x by y and multiply by 100.
That’s the statistical likelihood that the man you’re dating will become your husband, giving your past experience. Minuscule, isn’t it?
If you’ve never been married, then that number will be 0%.
So giving your current squeeze a 1 in 10 chance of becoming your future husband and staying married to him (rather than ending up like 50% of couples who divorce) is actually quite generous
… and probably even unrealistically high. If you think those numbers are depressing, you’re right. That is why I asked are you really happy with him?
So why play a losing game? You might as well just stay at home and get a cat.
The secret to succeeding in the game of love is to change the rules.
If you think that “succeeding” in a relationship means getting married and staying married, then you’re setting yourself up for a lifetime of disappointment.
But if you change the rules of the game and say that “success” in love is actually something different – maybe you’ve “succeeded” when a relationship has made you learn something about yourself
...and grow into a better person – then you can actually set yourself up to win every time!
I am a Man but if I were a woman personally, I’d rather play a winning game. Wouldn’t you?
I would not keep wondering thinking am I really happy with this guy.
Also, there’s another reason that I think it’s dangerous to set your sights on hooking a man and holding onto him through the “I do’s” until death do you part:
Not every man you date or even marry will be right for you. In other words, you'll not be happy with every guy you meet.
You see, if your goal is to hold onto this guy for the rest of your life, then you’ve forgotten what relationships are about.
They’re not about staking ownership of another human being.
They’re not about having the willpower to forswear all others, even if your partner is a jerk.
They’re not about status, where the biggest diamond engagement ring wins the highest praise. They’re about happiness.
The only one question that matters is: Are you really happy with him?
Let me say that again: Relationships are about happiness.
Men or women we get into relationships not because we have to (we’re too modern for that) but because they make us happy.
We stay in relationships not because we have to (ideally), but because being with our partner makes us happy.
If your guy makes you feel insecure, doubt yourself, feel unhappy, or sacrifice part of who you are to please him, then is that really the kind of relationship you want?
Isn’t staying single preferable to that?
But all too many women don’t care about those unpleasant feelings; they want him too much to let a little thing like self-respect stand in their way.
They don’t care if he isn’t as into them as they are into him; they’ll make him want them.
They don’t care if he treats them like a second-rate dishcloth and tosses them on the ground when he’s done; they’ll make him see what a treasure he’s missing.
Come on, girls! Wake up to what’s really going on!
The only reason you want him this badly is because your pride and self-esteem are at stake.
You need him to feel good about yourself. In the process you forget about your own happiness being with him.
On the flip side, he is probably using you to feel better about himself.
That’s not love; it’s codependency. It can be very hard to stand by and watch someone throw their life away for a man.
You may have had this experience yourself: watching helplessly as a friend wrecks her life, simply because she wants a particular man who isn’t good for her.
She won’t listen to you; they never do.
Often, when someone has this kind of mindset, they are absolutely 100% incontrovertibly certain that the only thing that will make them happy is being with this guy forever.
That’s it. They won’t listen to anyone else who tells them any differently.
It’s either “get this guy” or stop living. But what about your happiness ladies? Are you really happy with him?
I don’t think I have to tell you that this is the ultimate lose-lose situation.
Sure, you may end up getting the guy, but are you going to be happy with him?
That initial high of achieving your “man goal” will wear off, and then you’ll see the real him … and it will become evidently apparent why you were never meant to be together in the first place.
But, if you’re the sort of person who believes in staying together no matter what, you’ll stick with the relationship and do everything you can to make him happy and avoid conflict just so that you can save face and sidestep failure.
Is that really a good idea? We all have values and principles that we don’t want to compromise, and it’s admirable to have the guts to commit to someone for life.
But sometimes you have to do what’s healthy, and some relationships just aren’t healthy.
If your partner doesn’t respect you, if he doesn’t value your opinion, if he makes fun of or belittles you, then you may need to think about getting out.
Getting out doesn’t mean giving up.
It’s not an admission of failure. It doesn’t mean you’re a “bad” person.
It doesn’t mean you couldn’t “keep” your man.
It just means that you value yourself enough to say no to an unhealthy relationship.
To help you decide whether or not a man is worth your love, I’d like to share with you three of my top “Stay or Go” tips.
These tips will help you to find out whether you're happy with him or not and decide whether or not to stay in a relationship.
Tip #1: Can He Admit He’s Not Perfect?
The one thing that’s unforgivable in a man is ego.
I’m not talking about a healthy sense of self-esteem:
I’m talking about an ego that runs rampant, reassuring him that he’s always right and that any mistakes he makes are actually someone else’s fault – usually yours.
Men with big egos are incredibly charismatic.
They often reach the top ranks of their field, achieving with confidence what other people must achieve by skill.
They know what to say and what friendships to cultivate.
If you’re useful to them, they’ll be the most charming, pleasant, vivacious person you’ve ever met. …
But if they don’t think you’re important, or if they don’t like you, they won’t waste the time of day on you.
If you piss them off, they’ll do anything in their power to destroy you.
Nothing can compensate for the problems caused by a big ego.
Sure, he may make you feel amazing when he wants to;
he may keep you happy;
he may whisk you away to an expensive hotel or take you on long drives along the coast in his convertible, but all that excitement and drama is just a form of entertainment.
It’s not real. He’s simply mastered the skills to impress women, and he loves sweeping a woman off her feet because it makes him feel like a man.
The real test of a man’s character is how he acts when he’s wrong or he’s made a mistake.
Here’s how to tell the difference:
• A man you want to stay with will recognize his error, accept responsibility for it, and move forward without trying to make you feel bad or pin the problem back on you.
• A man to leave is one who gets caught up in defending himself, pretends the mistake never happened, tries to twist it back on you, or gets angry if you bring it up.
Keep an eye out for conflicts, especially in the early days of dating.
If he gets angry or explodes and later apologizes with a dozen red roses and tickets to the best show in town, thank him but shut the door.
You don’t want to be stuck with someone who can’t control their temper.
If he asks you why you don’t want to see him any more, tell him that all relationships involve conflict; that’s simply what happens when two individuals try to live together.
If the two of you can’t peacefully and maturely resolve your conflicts at this stage, it’s a good sign that you won’t last long in a long-term relationship.
#2: Is He Comfortable Showing Affection?
Guys like sex. They’re comfortable with sex, and they know how to get a girl in the mood.
When they start kissing a girl, it’s with the hope that things will get steamy and lead to the bedroom.
But few guys are as comfortable with affection as they are with sex.
They may know how to put the moves on someone, but they get awkward when it comes to demonstrating how they feel emotionally.
Instead of wearing their heart on their sleeves, they hang out their hormones.
Most men do enjoy cuddling, hugging, and snuggling just as much as women do, but a lot of men have been trained to believe those behaviors are “wussy”; “real men” make out and make love.
So, if your man isn’t comfortable in his masculinity or if he’s not yet comfortable enough with you, he may find it challenging to show you affection in a non-sexual way.
And, if he has a hard time showing you affection then there's fair chance you cannot be happy with him.
And it’s a sure bet that he is going to struggle with any warm and fuzzy feelings that are beginning to arise towards you.
You can blame romance novels for your attraction to these highly-sexed, emotionally-repressed men.
In the classic romance novel, the protagonist is usually an aloof, emotionally reserved man who, after great struggle, reveals the great depths of his locked heart.
Think Rhett Butler, Heathcliff, and those “dark and brooding” leading men.
But do you really want a Rhett Butler?
Wouldn’t you rather have someone warm and affectionate and loving, who’s unafraid of his own feelings towards you?
If I were a woman, I know what my answer would be. I’ll tell you a secret about romance novels.
Novels, like all dramas, are based on conflict.
If the desire of the female protagonist was quickly and easily fulfilled by a man who loved her back, then there would be no conflict.
All romance novels are based on the premise that the two lovers must be kept apart until the last possible minute, hence the development of an aloof leading man who must deny his feelings towards the lovely female lead until overcome by the heat of passion.
That is fiction. Here at lovefindsitsway.com, we’re more interested in reality.
In reality, you don’t gain anything by setting your sights on the most aloof, unresponsive, arrogant men around.
You just give yourself a challenge, which is all well and good if you don’t mind playing with hearts but is rather silly if you’re an ordinary girl looking for love and happiness.
If what you want is love and happiness with the man you love – rather than to star in your own personal romantic drama – then what you need to do is separate the keepers from the bad apples.
You can do this by asking yourself the question:
Can he show you affection – and does he enjoy it – with it always having to lead to sex?
Not all guys are affectionate types, and sometimes that can be really appealing.
However, although it can be cute when a guy has a hard time getting out the words, “I love you,” you may need to ask yourself whether that’s enough for you.
Is it enough if every so often (like on your anniversary) he says, “I love you, baby”?
Or do you need daily reassurance of his feelings?
Many women dry up inside if the man they’re with can’t express his emotions.
They tell themselves that their man does love them, because he shows how he feels by doing nice things or by making love, but their heads can’t seem to communicate that to their hearts.
They know rationally that he cares, but inside they just don’t feel it.
Don’t get stuck in one of those relationships or else at the end of the day you'll only keep thing - Am I truly happy with him or not?
If your man doesn’t show you the affection that you crave, then something has to give.
You’ll just feel more and more frustrated if your need for nonsexual affection and love isn’t being met, and the more frustrated you get, the more desperate you’ll act.
If you’re still not convinced that cuddly warm guys make better partners than aloof alpha males, let’s try a little exercise.
Imagine, for a moment, that we have two women standing side by side.
The first woman is in a relationship where her man kisses, hugs, cuddles, and snuggles with her all the time.
When they sleep together, their arms and legs are so entwined that you can’t see where one person ends and the other person begins.
When they sit together, their legs are touching, and they often hold hands.
Have you got a mental picture of her? Great.
Now let’s talk about the second woman.
The woman next to her is dating a high-power attorney who owns a loft in New York and drives a Jaguar.
This man oozes money and power.
He takes her to all the best parties, and she’s the envy of every single woman in the social scene.
However, when they’re at parties, he often leaves her to go off and schmooze with the other movers and shakes.
She loves him because he is witty, passionate, and an amazing lover, but they rarely talk about how they feel towards one another.
She doesn’t think they need to.
Their life is very efficient.
He has a separate bedroom for when he comes home late from a business trip, and their bed is so massive that they can both sleep the entire night without touching each other once.
Right – are those enough details to give you a picture of this woman?
Good. Now I want you to imagine those two women standing next to each other. Visualize this as clearly as possible. Now I want you to tell me the answer to this question, and go with your gut: Who looks happiest?
Enough said.
#3: Do You Have Any Doubts?
This is the most important tip of all. If you have any doubts about this man – ANY at all – then hold off.
You see, your hearts know when it’s right. Your hearts know when it’s real.
Your brains, on the other hand, try to convince you that he’s a catch and you’d be stupid not to go for him and you’ll be all alone for the rest of your lives if you don’t succeed.
You can get so caught up in the drama of the situation and your desire for this man that you completely overlook those little niggling feelings that keep tugging on your sleeve.
Those feelings have a number of voices. Some of them say:
• “I wonder if he’s looking at other girls.”
• “I wonder what he does when I’m not around.”
• “I didn’t really like what he said to me just then.”
• “I don’t think he’s actually listening to me.”
• “I wish he didn’t treat me like I’m stupid or something.”
• “It’s weird how I can feel lonely when he’s right beside me.”
• “I wish he’d let me into his life a bit more.”
It’s amazing how skillfully you can quash those voices and refuse to hear them when you want to.
You can create all sorts of excuses for his behavior, to convince yourself that your doubts are actually foolish.
But at the end of the day what matters is: Are you really happy with him?
Ladies, don’t lie to yourself.
You can tell the difference between wanting something really, really badly … and knowing in your heart that it’s right.
When something is right, you don’t have to force it. You can let it unfold naturally.
You can become an observer, enjoying the experience and seeing where it leads.
But if you’re consumed with desire, you have to make things happen the way you want them to.
You have to win his love. You have to get him back.
You think, analyze, plot, plan, and imagine all sorts of scenarios to ensure that you’ll get what you want.
That isn’t your heart talking. That’s your ego.
If you’re feeling desperate to get him.
If you urgently need him in your life, or if you feel anxious and insecure when you contemplate life without him, then what you’re experiencing resembles addiction more than it does happiness.
And happiness is the only point of getting into a relationship.
When you’re happy with someone, you don’t care what he does when you’re not around.
You know that he’s thinking of you, just as you’re thinking of him.
When you’re happy with someone, you don’t even think to get jealous, because you know that his heart is with you always, just as yours is with him.
When you’re happy with someone, you feel so content and satisfied that no element of doubt or emptiness can even enter the picture.
There’s nothing more you need than what you already have.
When you’re happy with someone, you can tell him when you’re unhappy.
You know that he’ll listen to you, even if he may not like what you’re saying.
Talking about it helps you feel better, not worse.
Things always seem better afterwards, even if nothing has really changed.
Does that sound like your relationship? I hope it does.
And if it really does, I do not need to ask you again...Are you really happy with him? isn't it. . .
I hope you don’t settle for anything less.
Every women deserve more than just “to get a man.”
You deserve happy, fulfilling lives. A man may be part of that equation, but he doesn’t have to be.
Your happiness should be your #1 priority, and any relationship that doesn’t contribute to your overall sum of happiness, peace and joy should be neatly and politely shown the “Exit” door.
You don’t need a man who makes you worry, doubt or feel insecure, no matter how fascinating and charismatic he may be.
Here’s to HAPPINESS, in whatever form it may come!
I will stop here. If you loved reading this guide happiness and love you'll also love this powerful video presentation below.
Quick Warning: While this tutorial video is quite distressing, it will teach you how to make your man scream with pleasure and become sexually addicted to you. If you are interested in having a man completely obsessed with you and only you, then check out the detailed (& explicit!) Dirty Talking tutorial video here.
