Is he ready for marriage? Or when is a man ready for marriage? Is this question that comes to your mind when you look at this man in your life?
Do you ever wonder what drew him to you? More importantly, do you ever wonder what exactly it will take to get him to settle down with you? Or you’re afraid he won’t commit?
Many women think through this situation in their own relationships, particularly when they see every friend in their life settling down.
As you face your own situation and wonder how to get things to the next level, you may have the thought or wonder what is it going to take to get this guy to settle down?
A couple that I have talked to was in this very situation. She felt like she was a great girlfriend to him and that the relationship was good.
He was happy and felt like he was committed to her, wondering what her rush was.
They had been together for 4 years and she was getting frustrated at his inability to move things along to the marriage stage.
They had a house together, a dog together, and from the outside, life was good.
She looked right at him and asked the pointed question hastily “Just what is it going to take to make you settle down with me?”
#1 Asking a Man a Question Like This Will Bring Forth Sometimes Brutal Honesty
He looked at for a moment and then thought, and you could really tell that he was digging deep.
Recognize and know this now that most men don’t do this sort of soul searching often because it’s just not the way women are wired.
For a man to really think about the answer to a question means that he does care. You could see on his face that he wanted to be able to provide her with the answer.
He went through what he felt was a fair checklist of what it would take to make him settle down and get ready for marriage.
He told her that he didn’t want her to change, that he didn’t want to become like “every other married couple that fights all the time”.
He went on to say that he wanted to be sure that their sex life stayed important and that they would still have fun together.
He finished by telling her that he needed to know that she would still be “cool, fun, and the same woman that he fell in love with”.
I can tell you by all accounts that this was some deep stuff that he was putting out there!
She stared at him in disbelief and then smiled because she knew that at the core was a fear that they would still stay the same.
He was fearful that things would change and that the happiness that they felt right now would go away—and he didn’t want that to happen!
#2 Men Have a Hard Time With Change and Articulation
Let’s just start by pointing out the obvious—men hate change!
Particularly when that change is negatively based as they all tend to view marriage as in their long term view.
Perhaps they come from a broken marriage or saw divorce prominently as they were growing up.
Maybe they have seen friends close to them go through this firsthand as they were great fun to hang out with before and now they never get to see them.
Whatever it’s based on, the majority of men are afraid to commit, because the negative changes that they see surrounding marriage will be what becomes of their relationship future.
Men have a hard enough time with change as it is and when you add to it the fact that they like their relationship the way that it is right now, the answer is that they would rather keep it happy and light.
The total bummer that they view marriage as is nothing that they are ready to settle into just yet!
Men tend to feel happy with the way that things are, particularly when they feel that everything is comfortable.
They want the slightest bit of excitement in terms of intimacy and interest, but beyond that they tend to find that change often indicates bad things.
They aren’t as mindful or even aware of this as women are, but they most certainly fear change, maybe even more than women do and that’s the reason they are not easily ready for marriage.
#3 A Couple Factors Will Help Him to Feel Comfortable With Change
When you think of when is a man ready for marriage, it boils down to two things— articulation and overcoming the fear of change!
They need to articulate their feelings, their fears, what they like about you, and what they want to remain the same or just get better with time.
The fear of change is simply not wanting things to become stale, stagnate, or lacking the excitement that you both once shared.
Sounds simple, enough right?
I have seen so many women come to me that want to try to change themselves or “fix” what may be broken.
The reality is that it’s not about that, but rather a bit of reassurance.
He wants to see you through the same eyes that he did when he fell for you, when he looks at you.
He needs to know that he can still be the same person. He needs to know that you are still going to be cool and that life may move forward, but will on a positive note.
#4 So What Exactly Will Get Him to Settle Down In the End?
He needs a bit of reassurance here and he needs you! He needs to make sure it’s right and to know that things are not going to go all bad.
He needs a few things to stay the same about you and to know that the relationship is going in a positive direction.
Here are a few helpful things that I have found most men need in order to settle down and be ready for marriage:
- He needs to know that you will not change who you are at the core
- He needs you to possess some of the very characteristics that he fell in love with such as wicked sense of humor, fun loving, or even just a good conversationalist
- He needs to see that life will still be good, even if it changes in some ways
- He needs to be ready and if forced or pressured, he will never settle down
- He needs to see that the two of you have fun together and that you can actually talk well as a couple
- He needs to know that sex and intimacy in general is a priority to you and it always will be
- He needs to be able to enjoy time with his friends or some independent hobbies that may not include you
- He needs to know that you will support him no matter what happens in life
- He needs to see that you will still have fun and that you won’t turn into one of those tired, old married couples that fulfill the negative stereotype he has in his head
- He needs to be ready to commit to the rest of his life and not feel fearful of that
He ideally wants to have everything in order with his career or other personal areas
- so this is the next logical step
- Deep down he needs to know that he can always be himself and that you will love him for it
- He wants to know that it will be the happy ending that he has always envisioned (though he will never say it)
#5 Some Things Are Said Aloud and Some Remain Unsaid
I can tell you one thing when you look at what is a man ready for marriage—he’s not going to actually tell you all of those things! Men want you to know this things.
How foolish do you think most men will feel if they say that they need to know that you will always support him?
Though women are inherently the nurturers who take care of their men, asking for that love and support is not something that you will hear a man utter.
I can tell you from my own personal experience that men want to be in that moment where you are having fun and carefree.
They may very well want kids, but they aren’t there yet in their mind.
They may want the whole white picket fence vision, but if they aren’t ready for it then forget it.
I have seen far too many women try to capture that vision and make their man part of it, and if he wasn’t there yet mentally then this can blow up in their face.
Men are going to tell you flat out that they want sex and that this is a priority. I can see that women aren’t always ready for this, but its men being honest.
I can also tell you that when it comes to the emotional or mental “nicety nice” or “touchy feely” things that men aren’t really cool with saying them.
Men want your love, they want you to be the same person, they want to feel important and supported and in it for the long term, but these are not the things that they will readily say out loud.
One of the most important factors in determining when a man is ready to settle down is when he’s ready.
If he’s young, innately immature, having too much fun with his friends, at a selfish point in his life, fearful of losing what is good about his life, or simply not sure about the woman that he is with, then that commitment is not going to happen.
Trying to rush him in any circumstance where he doesn’t feel ready and you can pretty much kiss the relationship goodbye.
Brutal honesty that may be hard to hear—but that’s what you need and why you got this article in the first place!
Just give him some time don’t rush in to it and if he’s still not getting ready and you believe you’ve given him enough time. Just quit.
I know it’s easy for me to QUIT but in reality it’s hard but that’s the way it is.
Now before I stop I have something interesting for you only if you want to addict him to you.
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