Why men cheat? A question many women have asked thousands of times but never got the right answer.
If you’re reading this article and wondering why men cheat then my friend you are at the right place, at the right time.
Men cheat because there’s a difference between flirting and cheating. No matter how much your guy loves you, he’s still going to get a rush from flashing his dimples at other women.
And hey, that’s fine. (Wouldn’t you rather have a red-blooded man than Limp Willy who’s dead on the inside?)
After all, he might look at, smile at, and fantasize about other women - but he’s still going home with you.
He’s with you.
He loves you.
Most women, on some level, believe that if he’s looking, he’s planning. “If he’s staring at other women, he must not be happy, right?” they ask.
It’s one of those “glass is half full” moments. Just because another woman is beautiful (and he’s noticed) doesn’t subtract from your beauty.
And just because he gets a rush from thinking about it doesn’t mean he wants to do anything about it. So relax.
Just because he’s looking doesn’t mean he’s unhappy or he’s planning to cheat you.
So what happens when he crosses the line from “looking” to “planning” ... and then from “planning” to actually acting on those plans?
Some men will try to rationalize their behavior based on - you guessed it - biology.
“Men are pre-programmed to spread their seed, we’re designed to sleep with lots of women, it’s anthropological” …blah, blah, blah.
I INSIST that you ignore this argument (that’s if you haven’t already tossed it in the trash).
Instead, let’s use your common sense: after all, this is one area where men are a lot like women. Men cheat; so do women. We have that in common.
So if you were going to cheat, what would be the circumstances that would drive you to it?
It’s really quite simple: people cheat because they need something their partner’s not giving them.
And usually, that thing is attention.
Imagine this: you’re at work, you’re on a project with a colleague, and that colleague ... likes you.
He pays you lots of attention. He tells you how attractive you are. He laughs at all your jokes.
He finds you irresistible. Even though he’s no Calvin Klein model, he basically makes you feel like Aphrodite.
But you resist, because you’re a good person and you care about your marriage and then you go home and - once again - your husband barely glances up from his football game when you walk in the door.
When you talk to him, it’s always chores, bills, and babysitting.
He doesn’t notice how hot your ass is in those jeans, and he sure doesn’t make you feel like the goddess of love.
So how about it? How long do you think you’d be able to hold out from someone who really, really liked you - who gave you everything you were missing at home?
Especially if your husband continued to pretty much take you for granted for months - years! - at a time?
Here’s your answer: “more men admit to cheating than admit to wanting sex with another partner” (Zinczenko, Men, Love, And Sex, 70.)
So what does that mean?
Simple: when it comes to cheating, it’s not the sex that drives him to it.
Statistically, more men admit to cheating than admit to wanting sex with another woman ... which means cheating isn’t just about sex.
This isn’t about the cellulite on your thighs, the fact that his co-worker looks great in a pair of tight jeans, or that lacy thong poking out over top of his hairdresser’s black pants.
It’s not about looks, age, or beauty.
And, men aren’t dumb. They know that cheating can (and frequently does) wreck relationships beyond all hope of repair.
And they don’t want to hurt you, either.
But if things feel stale and old at home - if your sex life is in a rut, if things feel more “old and traditional” than fresh and exciting, if the two of you have gotten stuck in a groove of sweatpants, TV dinners, and under appreciation - then you can bet that if you’re feeling it, he definitely is and probably has been for months, way before you even picked up on the fact that something’s feeling kinda old.
So what’s the best way to cheat-proof your relationship? And stop your man from cheating on you.
Well, you don’t need to inflate your boobs to a triple-J, get lipo on your belly, or dress exclusively in fluffy kitten-heels and baby-doll dresses.
Nor do you need to create a wardrobe full of sex toys and whips (although that could actually be a lot of fun.)
Instead, take an honest look at your relationship.
Are you regularly checking in with each other on how you’re feeling, whether you’re satisfied, and where you think this is going?
Are you able to be honest when things aren’t great?
Do you think your partner is okay telling you the truth if everything’s not perfect? Or he lies to you.
How do you feel about him?
Do you feel excited, loved-up, and buzzed about sex - at least some of the time?
Do things go well more often than not?
Do you feel happy?
(This is no time to rationalize. Feelings are what make a man cheat, and you can bet that whatever you’re feeling, his feelings are at least vaguely similar.)
Are you intimate enough for both of you to feel the bond?
I know I said cheating isn’t about sex - and it’s not. It’s about attention (remember, a guy likes a woman based mostly on how she makes him feel about himself.)
That feeling is what makes a man fall in love with a woman.
But sex is the glue that binds a relationship together, and if your glue is old and flaky, then that’s when things can start falling apart.
If your answer to one or more of these questions was “no”, don’t panic
And he’d way rather that you made him feel that way instead of some other woman.
Cheat-Proofing Your Relationship: 3 Things You Can Do Right Now To Make Sure It Never Happens
First, you need to make sure you’re both seeing eye to eye about what even constitutes “cheating”, because there’s a LOT of gray in this equation.
For example, most men agree that full sex counts as cheating. But what about kissing?
What about massaging?
What about flirting?
What about strip clubs, for Pete’s sake? (20 percent of men believe visiting a strip club is cheating - but what do you think?)
You need to have this conversation now, if you haven’t already, so that you both have the chance to know what the other one expects. Honesty is required.
Feathers may be ruffled. You might disagree on some points.
But, you need to talk about it now, not later - because it’s better to have that uncomfortable talk before anything should happen.
2. Don’t freak out about the small stuff. Save it for the right time.
Does he have a female friend who’s really hot (and who always seems to wear her cutest outfits around your guy)?
Does he work in an office full of single women?
Is he a personal trainer to hordes of lonely single women dying to just squeeze those rock-hard biceps?
Short of dating a male gigolo, you’ve got nothing to worry about.
Despite what the sitcoms would have you believe, men actually CAN have female friends and not sleep with them (or even want to.)
Sure, they might picture them naked - scratch that, they DO picture them naked - but again, just because he’s looking doesn’t mean he wants to do anything about it. It just means he’s a guy, and he’s alive.
So save your strength.
Grace and dignity are sexy, while jealousy rarely turns heads (and if you want to give away all your power, act jealous.
Nothing screams “powerless” like the woman who’s needlessly competing with her man’s best female friend.)
3. Give him the excitement, the urgency, the fun and the “rush” of a new relationship right in his very own home.
He wants to feel like a god - your god, preferably.
And attention, admiration, and enjoyment are as powerfully addictive as any drug.
So why not give him the hit he’d love to get, in the comfort and privacy of his own home?
Don’t get the wrong idea. You don’t need to break out the insane acrobatic sex moves in bed, nine-inch heels, and see-through lacy getup.
This isn’t about putting on some performance to “win his attention” over. You’re worth more than that.
(Although, if you felt like putting on a show …)
But, you’re with this man because you love him, right?
Even with all his flaws and the quirks that make him human, you’ve still chosen to be with him, because you love him.
So why not let him feel how MUCH you love him?
Why not give him the excitement and attention and approval that’ll make sure he never even LOOKS at another woman?
If the attention of other women is fun, your attention is ADDICTIVE. Give him some. Get him hooked. He’ll never look back.
3 Ways You Can Recreate The Buzz Of A New Relationship Right Now:
Plan fun dates. Don’t get stuck in the groove of takeout and TV every single night.
Going out, having fun, and cutting loose makes the blood flow and creates a powerful bond.
Go dancing, go to dinner, go on a picnic, go camping … go SOMEWHERE. But plan it now.
Be really, really enthusiastic about getting to know him.
You remember how, when you first got together, every little thing about him was fascinating?
How you got a big, goofy smile on your face just from hearing about how he has 3 nieces and 2 nephews and how much he loves being an uncle?
How just going round to his place was cue to break out the “good” jeans (the tight ones), bring a bottle of wine, and cuddle luxuriously on the couch for hours?
Try doing some of that now. Listen with attention and enthusiasm.
Initiate LOTS of physical contact.
Smile with your eyes when you talk to him.
Don’t fidget and look around for something more interesting when he’s talking. Let him feel your enthusiasm.
For the next 3 days, maintain an incredibly high standard of personal grooming.
No guy in his right mind will EVER tell you this … but we place a high, high value on a pretty girl who looks good.
If you have a good body or an attractive face, we, as guys, like that. A LOT.
And yeah … we can’t tell you this either, but when you start slumping around in track pants and don’t even make an EFFORT any more, we notice … and we don’t like it.
Matter of fact, we hate it. (And don’t rely on what we tell you about this, either, because we know if we tell you the truth, we’ll never, ever get laid again.)
One of the best things about a new relationship, from the male perspective, is how much fun and pleasure you take in taking care of yourself: you swan around in cute little outfits, you wear the good panties, your hair always looks great, you smell good, you wear a little mascara and lip gloss … you look and feel GREAT and we really, really appreciate it.
And let’s face it: you’re a lot more confident and sassy when you know how good you look, right?
And that translates to more and better flirting, more physical contact, and even better sex.
All major pluses, as far as he’s concerned.
So for the next 3 days, I want you to try this theory out for yourself: go get waxed, styled, buffed, tanned, or whatever “your thing” is that makes you look and feel great.
Really put yourself together.
And then sit back … and watch his reaction. I guarantee you, it’ll make your jaw DROP.
I will stop here. I hope you loved reading this article on why men cheat than you’ll also love this powerful video presentation below.