This article is for couples whose husband or wife has announced that they are no longer happy in the marriage and they want to end it. These are situations when your marriage is falling apart and it’s important to take the right steps to save your marriage from divorce.
When your marriage is falling apart the situation could be like “I’m not at all happy with you”, “I do not feel love for you any more”, “I want to divorce you”, “I wish to leave you”, “I believe we just cannot live together”, or “I’m sure it’s not working anymore”. Or they may have already left you.
This is not an exhaustive list of what might have happened, but it’s a painful one, so I won’t dwell on the list.
You know what you heard or experienced, and you know exactly how painful and frightening it was.
And still is. They want out and you don’t. You are desperate to work on your marriage to save it. But your partner is not willing to put any effort into it.
Having said that, this article is dedicated to helping individuals save their marriage by becoming more self-confident, respectful and happy people.
If you follow the actions outlined here, you will be a better, kinder and more content person and, as a result, all of your relationships will improve.
It seems unbelievable that you can mend your marriage by yourself, without the cooperation or participation of your partner.
But believe me; this is possible. The key to success is to accept your marriage situation the way it is and understand that a change in the behavior of one of the marriage partners will have an effect on the relationship.
I assure you that this is the truth.
You, on your own, by changing your own behavior, can improve your Relationship when your marriage is falling apart.
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But you need to implement the 7 steps mentioned in this article patiently and at the same time be prepared to look closely at your relationship and your own behavior in that relationship, and work at creating positive change.
There is hope! You must believe that there is hope for your marriage and that you will be happy again. This is my guarantee to you.
The 7 steps outlines in this article, will help you to fix you marriage and strengthen it for life-long.
I will suggest you draw upon, and reinforce, your positive Inner Qualities.
I will also encourage you to be aware of, and be careful of, your Connection Account.
By putting this 7 steps into practice, you will build up your connection account with your spouse instead of unconsciously depleting it.
All of the steps mentioned above are detailed throughout this article, but before we get started, let me give you one imperative piece of advice:
Don’t over-react when your spouse first tells you that he/she is unhappy!!!
Try to stay calm. This is a crucial NOTE that I want you to understand when your marriage is falling apart and if you truly wish that this 7 steps should work for you.
It is perfectly okay for your partner to know and see that you are feeling unhappy and frightened, but you need to show it in a controlled way.
I know it’s hard to do, but it is so important that you don’t react in some way that you later regret. Screaming, begging, hysterics, name calling, recriminations, retaliation, blaming and abuse are things that you can’t take back.
You might eventually be able to overcome your spouse’s negative feelings that have been created by these reactions, but your future success will be much easier to achieve if you are calm and thoughtful and patient from the beginning.
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You want to be proud of your actions, not ashamed of them.
I’ll give you some techniques for handling your emotional reactions in a safe way, but for now, please try to suppress them behind a facade of calm.
One last don’t – and it’s a really big one – if you have children, don’t involve them. T
ry to shelter them from what’s going on between you and their other parent (or step-parent).
It’s because the negative effect of divorce on kids last for life time and that’s not something that you would want.
It can be very damaging for children to be used as weapons in their parents’ dispute. You must not turn your problems into their problems.
So let’s discuss that 7 INNER QUALITIES THAT WILL HELP YOU TO ACCEPT THE SITUATION.
As I mentioned, saving your marriage is not going to be an easy task for you. It probably feels too big, too scary, and maybe even impossible.
Regardless of how you’re feeling today, you need to believe that things will get better and that you have the resources you need to get there.
You already have a number of positive personal qualities that you can call upon.
With practice and some faith in yourself you can increase the strength of these qualities and you can even develop some new qualities if you want to.
Here are a few qualities you may want to call upon during the “Acceptance” phase.
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#1. Courage
Times are really tough for you right now. You’re facing a scary future and are probably feeling that you may not have the strength to persevere. You do!
You just need to call upon your courage to accept the truth, to pick yourself up and get ready to try again.
You need to accept your situation sincerely and bravely; you cannot allow your fears to hold you back.
Aristotle wrote, “Courage is the first of human virtues because it makes all others possible.” He’s right.
Before you can move on, you need to accept your situation, acknowledge your fears, prepare to forgive yourself if you make mistakes, and muster the courage to move on.
Remember your goal here – you are saving your marriage! Keep your eye on the prize, believe in yourself, take a deep breath and get going!
As your small triumphs and successes start to occur, you will have more confidence and less need to draw upon your courage.
#2 Optimism
Have faith! You must trust that a positive outcome is possible. Keep your hope alive, and keep it resilient during setbacks.
Look ahead to a brighter future that’s there waiting for you.
Always maintain a positive attitude – you will feel better and you will be more pleasant to be with. Have the confidence to succeed!
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#3 Fortitude
You are going to need to be brave to get through this time in your live. You know what you want and you want it badly enough to do whatever it takes to get it.
You have the will to survive and the patience to continue. You have the strength you need to survive today and move on to your future happiness!
#4 Serenity
Developing serenity will help you to detach from strong emotions that can cloud your judgment.
Fear can throw you off course or immobilize you, so you will need to create tranquility in the midst of your current chaos. You need to be calm, thoughtful and flexible.
#5 Dignity
You are a worthy person. You are worthy of respect – both self-respect and respect from others.
Throughout this process you will want to avoid any actions that you will regret or that will make you feel ashamed.
If you treat everyone, especially your spouse, with respect you will maintain your own self-respect.
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#6 Developing Your Inner Qualities
If you don’t think that you’re strong in one or more of these Inner Qualities, you can develop them by thinking deeply about them, like an affirmation or a form of meditation.
You might want to do some research and read more about them to ensure that you fully understand them.
You can use “self-talk” to persuade yourself that you have what it takes.
For example, if you feel you lack the fortitude (also known as the “guts”) to get through this situation, you can repeat some of the descriptions of fortitude to yourself and about yourself.
In other words, just keep telling yourself “I know I can save my marriage!”, “I will be brave and get through today”, “I am going to find the nerve today to tell my husband that I still love him and want to save our marriage” and so on.
Tell yourself you can do it. It’s amazing the power that positive thinking has to help us achieve things.
#7 Visualization
You can also do positive visualization exercises. It’s easy - we all visualize all the time.
We visualize when we worry – we are imagining all the things that might go wrong.
Stop doing that! Push those negative thoughts away and visualize yourself doing something brave and positive.
Visualize yourself being the way the Inner Qualities descriptions say you are.
Visualize yourself having a positive conversation with your spouse.
To visualize properly you need to be completely relaxed. If you need help relaxing, once you are completely relaxed, visualize yourself doing the very thing you want to do.
Maybe it’s getting through dinner with your partner without having an argument, or having a light conversation with a spouse who doesn’t speak to you.
Try to get as many of your senses involved as possible – hear the light tone of voice, smell how fresh the air is, see the pleasant expression on your own face.
Think of it as your body having a little chat with your mind.
Repetition is key when it comes to visualization and positive thinking.
Keep doing it as often as you can. It will calm you down, make you feel more in control, and give you faith in yourself!
I will stop here. I hope you loved this article on 7 steps to take when your marriage is falling apart.
Now before I stop. I would love to recommend you something special.
This is special because this can help you to heal your married life issues and prevent it from falling apart.
I want you to action, if you’re serious about saving your marriage.
Bye for now. I will pray to GOD for you have a wonderful married life and solve your marital problems.
