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So what he says vs what he means? A question that has different answers for different women isn’t it true?
It’s that moment where you feel as though a man sounds downright hypocritical, dishonest, inconsiderate, deceptive, manipulative, and disloyal.
You know what I’m talking about it’s the moment when you realize that men say things they don’t mean.
It’s that eye opening realization that men say one thing, but mean the EXACT opposite; and that men say and do two different things.
Sometimes it even FEELS as though men are doing this on purpose.
Shouldn’t it be simpler than this? Shouldn’t men be ABLE to communicate?
Right now it feels like a cruel and sick game is being played on you, as you try to match his actions to his words, or his words to his actions.
But somewhere in your heart you know he doesn’t mean what he says.
Nothing adds up, and if he really cares about you, why can’t he just be upfront and honest with you?
Why is it so hard to read a man’s mind? Why is it so hard for men to get things straight? There’s a simple explanation for this.
You’ll find that when emotions are involved, a man is almost NEVER able to truly say what he means. In other words:
Emotions defy all logic. But what IS logic? Logic is simply our ability to reason and make sound judgments.
Naturally, when we reason, our actions match up to our words, and in general predictability is at its peak. But, our emotions do not listen to logic.
In fact, our feelings OVERPOWER our logic; this is especially true when our feelings are intense.
Thus, we can literally be outside of our mind when we are emotional.
You’ll find that when a guy is emotional, he’ll never be able to do what he wants to do.
He’ll say things and never be able to follow through with them. He’ll act strange, react even more oddly, and will even do things that seem to be completely out of character.
This is where most women will become EXTREMELY confused.
You’ll be so confused trying to figure out why it is that he is acting as he is, or why it is that he is saying certain things, that you will start to think that it’s your fault.
When a man becomes unpredictable, and when his emotions start to overpower his logic, a woman will almost ALWAYS think she has done something wrong.
But, you will never be able to figure out what it is that you’ve done wrong.
He, of course, won’t explain himself either, but he can’t. And this is where it all boils down, because every single man faces a MAJOR dilemma, that women don’t even realize occurs.
What is this dilemma? The dilemma is this:
Yup, you ARE reading this correctly. Men are so terrified of their emotions that they become distraught whenever their emotions pass over the threshold of logic.
Naturally, men are taught to be logical, and are told to suppress their emotions.
From childhood till adulthood, they are conditioned to believe that expressing their emotions can be seen as unhelpful, a sign of weakness, problematic, and simply unacceptable.
Thus, men learn to express themselves through logic instead, and as we know, logic never mixes with emotions; thus there is always a stark contrast in how a man thinks and how a woman thinks.
This is why the statement “men are from Mars, and women are from Venus” sticks; because it’s a universal fact that at times men and women seem to be so completely different that it’s sometimes impossible to think they are from the same planet.
To help you understand better, let’s put this into perspective.
Consider the fact that women, are instead taught to express themselves through their emotions.
Your entire life, you are taught that as a woman, you should connect with your emotions, should express yourself through emotion, and that your problems can be solved through emotion.
For instance, you know that when you cry, you can tell others that you are upset.
Crying can help you solve the problem, because it clearly sends a signal to others that you have a need for something, or that you have been hurt and need them to console you or stop their behavior.
Likewise, when you are confronted with a problem, you end up talking about it. You want to discuss your feelings, and how things make you feel.
You want to talk about how something has hurt you, why it has hurt you.
Talking helps you feel better, because it is a good way for you to vent your frustrations out, and you feel less pressure and stress as a result.
Another example is when a woman tells someone that they love them.
A woman feels that by telling it, she is therefore sharing the emotion, and in the end feels like she was able to express herself.
Typically, others will tell you in return that they love you, BUT men, of course may not always return it.
Therefore, you have learned that you can get RESULTS from your emotions, when you express them.
In the end, you have been learning how to CONNECT to your emotions for most of your life.
You have come to terms with your emotional side, and you have learned how to deal with it and also how to use it as a tool for reinforcement in your life.
This also means that you have learned how to react and deal with your emotions when they become overbearing or strong.
Men, however, do not have this luxury.
Since it is practically taboo for a man to express himself emotionally, he never learns how to connect and come to terms with his feelings.
Of course, in a relationship, this can be a HUGE issue. Relationships are founded almost entirely on emotion and feelings, and partially on logic.
Men struggle in relationships as a result, and moreover, they struggle even more to communicate with women because of it.
You see, when a man becomes emotional, his natural urge is to resist it.
He resists his emotions, because he doesn’t know how to handle them, and has found that whenever he was too emotional, things just felt out of control for him.
That’s exactly why men FEAR their emotions, because they have no way of controlling them.
They don’t know what to do when they are emotional, or have strong feelings.
They can’t connect, and as a result find that everything else is out of control too.
What happens then, is men try to regain the control, which is where you should understand that men handle and tackle their problems in a completely different manner than women do:
When a woman has a problem, she’ll talk about it, and it is always tackled with her emotions: she talks about how she feels.
Men, however, tackle problems with logic. That is how they learn to ‘vent’ their frustration, that is how they express themselves, and that is how they are able to feel in control.
Moreover, that is how they solve their problems: they reason, make sound judgments, and investigate the issue.
BUT, that is the REAL problem.
That is where the real eye opener is. At first, the emotions set in, and a man will say things, while the emotions are there.
BUT then, he will realize that the emotions have set in, and his Logic will tell him to suppress it in order to stay in control.
His logical mind will say “No! Back away!”, and that’s when you find him suddenly doing the EXACT opposite of what he said.
That’s when you find him saying things he doesn’t mean.
In the end, men don’t actually intend on doing this on purpose because it’s a reaction they don’t even realize they have.
Sometimes a man is aware of the fact that he can’t handle a certain emotion in its entirety, and in those cases you’ll really feel confused, because his reaction will be to pull away from you.
That’s why you’ll find the most discrepancies when he is emotional.
It can even be when everything is fine and has been running smoothly, because a man will fear EVERY emotion when it passes the threshold of logic; even if the emotion is a positive feeling, such as love or trust.
You’ve probably guess where I am going with this, so why is it that a man can’t say what he means, or do what he says he is going to?
Here is what it all comes down to:
He resists his emotions; therefore it’s a never-ending circle
1. He’ll feel an emotion.
2. He’ll act on that emotion for the time being, not realizing that it’s a feeling just yet.
3. He’ll recognize that he is feeling an emotion as it grows stronger.
4. He’ll struggle to accept the emotion, as his logical side tries to gain control again, telling him that it’s bad to feel that way.
5. He starts to feel out of control internally, because he can’t connect to his emotions, but is feeling them; and at the same time his logic is arguing that he should suppress them by acting against them.
6. Finally, he pulls away and withdraws to feel in control again.
7. Rinse and repeat.
The moment where his logic tries to regain control is the moment where you will find him never doing what he says, because now his mind is directing him to do the EXACT opposite as he feels.
His mind tells him to do the opposite, because he doesn’t know what the true result of acting on his emotions will be.
Remember that men never really act on their emotions and don’t express themselves through their emotions, thus they never gain any real experience with their feelings.
Since there is no experience there is no solid guarantee that if he acts on his emotions, he will get the results he wants.
This is where it becomes extremely scary for men, because they fear failure and rejection.
Failure and rejection only mean more emotional torture, which they absolutely don’t want to have to try and handle.
Thus, they take the safer route and back away from their emotions. In the end, as long as a man’s logic is at odds with his emotions, there will always be discrepancies.
Until he comes to terms with his emotions, and learns how to handle and deal with them, his logical mind will always reject them and tell him to let go of them, or tell him to suppress them by acting in the opposite manner that his emotions are leaning him toward.
So let’s put this into perspective, and apply everything above:
Let’s say he’s told you that he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you.
He says something like: “I love you, and don’t want anyone else.
I want to marry you!”.
Ecstatic you feel fulfilled and happy that he wants to commit to you, and feel great that he has gotten to this emotional state with you.
But the next thing you know, he’s withdrawing, becoming distant, ignores you, and you even catch him flirting with others.
At first, he feels the emotion, but then it becomes intense.
He doesn’t know the outcome of it, and becomes worried. His logical side argues with him, and tells him to reason on it, and to judge the situation.
He does, and all of his worst fears come true. He starts thinking that maybe he will be trapped if he really does what he says, and if he really follows his feelings.
He starts to think things like:
•“What if it doesn’t work out?” or
• “Will I be able to provide for both of us?”
• “What if she loses interest in me or finds someone better?”
• “What if I fall out of love?”
• “What if I can’t be the man she needs?”
• “What if I need space?”
• “What if I can’t make our dreams come true?”
• And it goes on and on….“what if, what if”, and more “what if’s”.
The doubts start to kick in, as he thinks that perhaps he can’t, and his logic continues to provide examples of where everything could go wrong, and suddenly he is convinced to back out.
He, of course, can’t express any of this to you, because he is unable to express his emotional side.
That’s where he backs off, becomes distant, breaks his promises, and does the opposite of what he says, and your world turns upside down.
To be honest I tried to cover as much as I could in this post. I hope you loved reading this post on what he says vs what he means and if you really liked it please do not forget to share it on favorite social media.
My name is Manish Yadav and I’m the owner of the blog "Love Finds its Way". My advice does away with the manipulations and mind games recommended by magazines and the surface level advice of TV gurus… We’ll dive DEEP into the psychology and biology of desire and give you actionable steps you can use today. Over 900,000 men & women have transformed their relationships as a result, and I've been featured in Lifehack, Return of Kings, Menimprovement, Urban Dater, and so on... ...and no... We're not here to play games so you can manipulate your significant other... ...My only intention is to help you and your partner have a healthy and loving relationship by working on your intimacy with each other. And we’re just getting started!
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