Even though this article is on first date ideas for women but believe me dating is now old-fashioned.
Guys don’t “ask you out on a date” anymore. Instead, they ask you to hang out, meet up, hook up, or go out sometime.
Modern dudes and dudettes shy away from the word “date,” because it brings up connotations of an old-fashioned social dance where the man opens the car door for the lady, escorts her to an exclusive restaurant, and picks up the tab.
TheSite.org argues that we should bring back the old-fashioned date: strolling through an art gallery and debating ideas over coffee, a movie followed by a trip to the soda fountain, dancing cheek to cheek, and midnight strolls along the beach.
But if you’re hoping that the next guy who asks you out suggests one of those timeworn classics, you’ll be waiting in vain.
Being a man myself the best possible dating ideas that I can give you is this: Think about it from a man’s perspective.
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#1.The Best Possible Date, from a Man’s Perspective
A poll of several male acquaintances revealed what I already suspected: guys prefer date options that are cheap, non-committal, and have the potential of leading to sex.
To be fair, guys have good reasons to prefer less expensive, less romantic dates.
Several of the guys I spoke to told me that they don’t want to spend a lot of money on a date so that the woman won’t think he’s trying to “buy” her.
Taking a woman on an expensive date may give her the wrong impression: that he’s loaded and lax enough with his money to lavish it on a girl he barely knows.
One guy told me, “I have the money to take girls out on nice dates, but I don’t want her to be interested in me for the money.
I want to see if she’s really into me for me, and the best way to find out is to go on a cheap date.”
That’s not to say that inexpensive date options are any less fun than expensive ones!
Going for a hike, for example, is a super way of getting to know someone, as the physical activity warms you up and creates a safe space to talk about anything under the sun.
Hanging out at someone’s house and watching a DVD can be just as fun as going out to the movies, with the added bonus of being able to cuddle if you feel so inclined!
Another reason that men shy away from splashing out on an elaborate first date is because of you.
Guys know that they must avoid letting a girl know how interested they are at any cost.
From experience, they’ve seen a girl lost interest completely once she found out how “into her” the guy was.
This is why OTT romantic displays are strictly off-limits in the early stages of dating.
A guy doesn’t want to show his hand too soon.
Too, he’s not 100% certain about you yet. He doesn’t know you well enough to feel comfortable pursuing you with both guns blazing.
He may find it easier to treat you as a new buddy, e.g., someone that he’s “hanging out” with rather than “dating.”
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Last but not least, men are always interested in the possibility of a date leading to sex.
There’s nothing “bad” or “immoral” about this: it’s just a fact of life.
In fact, his desire to get you into bed is similar to your desire to get him to commit.
You know that it’s a long shot to get him to commit to a life and children with you on the very first date, and he knows that it’s a long shot that you’ll sleep with him on the first date, but that doesn’t stop either of you from wishing.
So don’t be surprised if a man asks you back to his house for a nightcap or a coffee after your first date. He’s just seeing if he can progress things a little bit further.
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#2. The Worst Possible Date, from a Man’s Perspective
A great question to get people talking at parties is to ask them about their worst first date experiences.
Some of the stories will make you laugh until your sides hurt … and teach you a lot about what not to do in the process!
One fellow told me about meeting a woman who seemed to be funny, attractive, and interesting until she mentioned that she’d just broken up with her boyfriend (of three years) last weekend.
She proceeded to get completely trashed, flirt inappropriately, and, at the end of the night, refused to get in a taxi.
My friend took her home and let her sleep in his bed while he slept on the couch downstairs.
The next morning, she was sheepish and wouldn’t look him in the eye. They never spoke again.
Online dating seems to be the culprit for the worst first date experiences.
I heard quite a few tales of guys arranging to meet a woman that seemed perfect in her online profile only to find that the profile picture must have been of someone else, because the woman in front of them was decades older/tattooed/6’2” and several hundred pounds.
The men felt that they’d been deceived.
Another story involved a guy who’d asked a girl out to a local hotspot.
She was blond, wild, and fun-loving, and he couldn’t believe his good luck in scoring a date with her.
But as the night progressed, it was clear that she was getting bored with him.
She disappeared, and twenty minutes later he finally spotted her on the dance floor making out with another girl.
He put his drink down and left. An hour later, he got a text from her asking him where he’d gone, as she’d found a hot blond friend to join them. “I’m not into threesomes,” he wrote back.
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We all can do some pretty stupid things in our pursuit of the opposite sex.
Some women use getting drunk as an excuse to throw themselves at a guy, believing that he’ll forgive them because of the drink.
Others believe that deceiving a guy – withholding certain vital information, like their age or marital status – is forgivable if it gives them a chance with someone who’d otherwise reject them straight off.
Still other women believe that the best strategy with men is to act seductively and tantalize them until they go crazy with desire only to find out that their behavior drives away decent guys who just want to talk to them and have a good conversation.
Most of us don’t go that far, but we all have certain habits that cause us problems with men without even realizing it.
So, to help us out, I’ve collected a list of 5 of the top “sins” that women seem to commit over and over again on their first few outings with a man.
Even if you don’t think you’re guilty of any of them, it can be valuable to study other women’s mistakes.
You’ll understand why men seem cautious when they’re just getting to know you – probably because they’ve been burned in the past!
SIN #1: Self-absorption
It’s so easy to feel hyper self-conscious on a date.
You’re worried about what he’s thinking of you, and you try to see yourself from his perspective.
Invariably, you get critical: I’m too old. I’m not funny. I look fat in this. I’m not his type.
A person who’s self-absorbed is poor company on a date.
Instead of putting their focus on being with you, they’re totally focused on making sure they come across as the witty, delightful people they want to be.
I’ve been out with self-absorbed guys, and I can assure you that it’s not fun.
Everything they do or say is designed to win you over, and, as their audience, you have to respond appropriately or risk making them feel bad. It’s a lot of work.
To be clear, being self-absorbed is different from being selfish.
A selfish person only wants a date for the status and self-esteem boost it brings.
A selfish person is not interested in getting to know another human being; she is just interested in “getting a boyfriend,” and anyone – as long as they meet certain standards – will do.
A self-absorbed person is that way because they’re shy.
They truly want to connect, but they’re worried about how they’re coming across.
They’re so worried, in fact, that they’re unable to relax and let down their guard.
They monitor everything they say or do in order to prevent themselves from saying/doing something stupid.
It’s like they carry a prison guard inside themselves, an inner demon that threatens punishment for everything they do wrong.
If you struggle with self-consciousness, let me give you a few tips.
Start being easier on yourself. The world doesn’t revolve around you impressing this guy.
Sure, you may feel that the spotlight is on you, but trust me – even if you do something really stupid, like spill ketchup all over your white blouse – no one actually cares.
Some people may have a good laugh, but then they’ll forget about it.
Making a mistake isn’t a mark of shame; rather, imperfection makes you endearing and lovable.
Learn to put 100% of your attention on the person you’re with. Focus on drawing him out and engaging him in conversation.
Think about what he is saying, not about what you’re going to say next.
Every time you find yourself wondering what you look like or whether he likes you, focus back on him.
And, most importantly, be honest. If you’re feeling self-conscious, say so. There’s nothing you have to hide or be embarrassed about.
If you’re honest about how you’re feeling, he’ll feel an enormous amount of relief – because he may be thinking that your awkwardness is due to the fact that you don’t like him!
SIN #2: Vanity
All of us men or women – no matter how comfortable we are with our looks in everyday life – get nipped by the demon of vanity the moment we consider dressing for a date.
We worry about what we look like. We worry about what to wear.
We worry about how to do our hair, or how much makeup to put on, or whether we need a coat, or whether our lip color will kiss off.
You do this because we know how important our looks are to men. You’re told that men are looking for a nice bum, big breasts, and long legs … personality optional.
You look at yourself and see a body that you struggle with every day.
You cannot imagine how a man would be attracted to you “just as you are,” so you use makeup and fashion to create an image you hope will appeal.
I’m not going to tell you that looks aren’t important to a man, but I will tell you that many women place a disproportionate amount of attention on what they look like.
They spend so much time and effort on their hair, makeup, and outfit that they think their appearance alone should win a man over.
They’re so afraid of messing up their look that they refuse to dance, yell at anyone who touches their hair, and visit the restrooms again and again to touch up their makeup.
Ugh!
If men wanted to look at a centerfold, they’d buy a magazine.
Men aren’t stupid: they know the difference between airbrushed images of models and real women.
Actually, if you can get them to confide in you, you’ll find out they prefer real women they can touch to perfect women that they can only gaze at.
You are a real woman, and that’s what makes you appealing.
You’re touchable. He can run his fingers through your hair and not worry about messing it up.
Your body is ordinary, just like the girl next door, and that’s what turns him on.
(He wouldn’t know what to do if a model came up to him and stripped naked; he’d be intimidated!)
So stop making your appearance the most important thing in your love life, and start getting down to the business of being fun, being good company, and enjoying yourself around men.
He seriously does not care if your lip gloss wears off.
He does not care if a strand of hair escapes from your do.
All he cares about is whether there is a twinkle in your eye and a big smile just for him. Oh, and whether he can touch you, too.
SIN #3: Trying too hard
Reading too much dating advice and first date ideas can, sadly, lead to committing this sin.
After you read loads and loads of books telling you to be mysterious, aloof, fun-loving, carefree, and independent, you start trying different personality traits on for size.
You act in certain ways that you think men will like.
You tell loud jokes, or tease men, or make sexual references, or pretend that you’re “above” such company by keeping your smile mysteriously nonexistent.
One of the most unfortunate trends to come out of modeling is the absence of the smile. Models do not smile on the catwalk.
They don’t want their facial expression to draw attention, because their audience’s attention needs to be on the clothes.
As a result, some famous figures – like Posh Spice – have decided that they look stupid when smiling, and so they no longer smile for photos.
Men prefer women who smile to women who look deliberately “sexy.”
The sexy pout works for photographs, but in real life it can make a person look silly.
A woman with a genuine smile, on the other hand, is eminently approachable. Guys will climb over themselves to get to know her.
None of us likes to look like a fool when we’re in company we want to impress, so often women find themselves pretending to be interested in things they’re not, just so that they can keep up their end of the conversation.
Others will talk knowingly about subjects that they only have the slightest inkling of, just so that the man is impressed.
Few are confident enough to say, “I don’t know anything about that. Could you explain?” Yet the secret is this: men love to be treated as an authority on a subject.
A man will actually warm to you more if you admit you don’t know anything and ask for an explanation, than if you pretend that you know everything about what he’s talking about.
It doesn’t pay to be a know-it-all on dates.
Yet, oddly, some women still feel that they’re giving away their power if they allow a man to teach them something.
They feel like they’re admitting they’re stupid or something if they don’t understand what a man is talking about.
These women don’t realize their verbal invincibility is actually a red flag to men.
A quality man doesn’t want to date a woman who never admits she’s wrong or never admits that there are things she needs to learn.
So stop trying to be the “perfect woman” when you go out with men. Instead, be the best version of you that you can possibly be.
If you want to smile, smile! If you don’t like what he’s talking about, change the subject.
If you’re interested in something he said, ask questions. If you feel the urge to tease him, tease him.
Just don’t worry about being “mysterious” or “aloof” or “independent” or any other personality trait you think you should have!
A man can spot a woman trying too hard from a mile away.
SIN #4: Power
Some women cannot let a man take control. They have a lifelong suspicion of the opposite sex, and it shows.
They don’t trust men, and they won’t let a man take the driver’s seat.
These are the women who get angry if a man tries to open a door for her or pay the tab without asking.
These women believe that such displays of courtesy are actually condescending and patronizing.
As feminists, they have a strong conviction that the world would be very different right now if women had been in charge.
We all have a right to express our political beliefs, but any belief that denigrates a certain portion of the population for something they cannot control, like their sex or race or ethnicity, deserves the label of prejudice.
Women who would never dream of putting down a colored person just because of their race feel perfectly comfortable putting down men just because of their sex.
Men are not your enemies. They are your lovers. They are your potential boyfriends and husbands.
They deserve respect, understanding, and appreciation the same traits that you women demand.
Let’s be frank about the difference between politics and sexual attraction.
Politics favor powerful, invincible, invulnerable women.
Sexual attraction favors women who are strong yet vulnerable, confident yet tender, independent yet willing to depend on someone.
If you focus solely on developing your independent side, the side that doesn’t need a man, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to guess that you’ll get exactly what you’re training for.
A man looks for a woman who has a place in her life for him.
A man wants a woman who can let her defenses down around him and trust him. A man’s heart melts when a woman is soft and tender.
If you cannot do this – if you’re afraid of what will happen if you let your defenses down or if you let someone else take control – then you have some personal work to do.
Any one of these 4 “deadly sins” – self-absorption, vanity, trying too hard, power, and tension – is enough to sabotage your dates with men.
Learn from other women’s mistakes and make sure that your date is a positive one.
Don’t expect a lot of old-fashioned romance, and take your cue from him.
If you have a good time all around, he’ll want to see you again – regardless of what outfit you wore or how “mysterious” you seemed.
In the end, it’s just common sense. Relax, have fun, and the rest will take care of itself!
I will stop here. If you loved reading this article on first date ideas for women then you’ll also love this powerful video presentation below.
