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Fashion can be your friend or foe, depending on how well you know your body type, your body confidence, and your ability to throw together outfits that reveal just enough to tantalize the male eye and be sexually attractive to a man.
For most women, the goal is to be sexually attractive to a man without appearing cheap or promiscuous.
There is ample anecdotal evidence to suggest that a woman who appears too sexualized may interest men with sex rather than marriage on their mind.
It can be a challenge to find the “golden mean” the right sexual attraction that balances just the right degree of sexiness with just the right degree of class, which is why I want to give you my top 6 tips to come across as sexy, not skanky.
Story to start with.
Ally’s mother always warned her, “He won’t buy the cow if he can have the milk for free.”
She grew up believing that having sex too soon with a man would doom her chance at having a relationship with him.
Men today are discerning when it comes to who they want to have a relationship with.
In many ways, men still hold the cards when it comes to dating.
They’re the ones who hold the power to establish what exactly your relationship is: are you dating, in a relationship, or just bed buddies?
You can tell if a man is only interested in you for sex if he’s only interested in you when you’re wearing revealing clothing, at a party, or drinking.
If he doesn’t ask you questions about your life – your job, your beliefs, your family – or want to hang out with you in a platonic way, doing average, ordinary things, then you can be sure that he’s only after sex.
That’s why it’s so important to hold back your judgment about a man until you spend more time together.
You may experience an overwhelming sense of physical attraction, but if that’s all there is, you’ll end up with a sexual relationship but not a future husband.
Note that men need sex, but you need to get to know him first who he is, how he treats his friends, how he treats his family, how he reacts under stress, and where he sees his life going before you can say with confidence that you know you’re attracted to him.
It’s important to understand that, for an attraction to have any staying power, it must occur on a physical, mental, and emotional level.
(Some people would add spiritual to that list.)
Often, you women get swept away with physical attraction and confuse it for more than lust.
You want to believe that this man who turns you on physically is perfect in every other way.
You see in him what you want to see.
Be smart. Don’t listen to your body unless you’re happy with a purely physical interlude.
If what you want is a boyfriend or husband, you need to learn to place less trust in the fire in your body and more trust in the slow warming of your heart.
According to Sex in America: A Definitive Survey, 90% of married couples knew each other for at least a month before sleeping together.
That leaves 10% who jumped into bed earlier. Even more interestingly, only 1.4% of married couples had sex for the first time within two days after meeting each other.
Clearly, there’s an advantage in getting to understand a man and his behavior better before sleeping with him.
Getting to know him gives you time to decide whether you’re compatible on multiple levels.
Raw, animal attraction can make you feel amazing – and having a fling can be very rewarding – but you have to understand that lust is different to love.
Having an amazing physical connection or sexual attraction is a worthwhile thing on its own, but it is unrelated to whether or not you and this man could have a fulfilling relationship and ultimately marry.
In fact, the more you like someone, the more important it is that you take it slow. A good mantra to repeat is:
“If it’s meant to be, it will be. If it’s not meant to be, it won’t.”
In other words, if you’re meant to be together, then nothing you can do – not even holding off on sex – can screw it up.
But if you’re not meant for each other, no matter how hard you try to be sexually attractive to a man then you’ll screw it up.
At least you can take comfort in knowing that it would have ended eventually.
I would suggest that you be able to answer the following questions before you sleep with him:
What was his childhood like?
What is his relationship to his parents and siblings?
Have you met his friends and, if so, what do you think of them?
What is his main focus at this point in his life (e.g. hobbies, study, career)?
What’s his philosophy on relationships: should they be “easy,” do they take work, how does he deal with problems in a relationship, what is his relationship like with his exes?
What’s the longest relationship he’s been in?
Why did his past relationships end?
Can you see a pattern?
If you know the answers to all these questions, then you should have enough information to decide whether or not he is boyfriend material.
A lot of women believe that they can entice a man to become interested by having sex with him.
Their idea goes that a man’s attention can be caught by one of three things – sex, food, or sports – and that if they offer sex, a man will definitely say yes.
It’s very important to realize that a man’s saying yes to sex with you has NOTHING to do with any romantic feelings towards you.
Men can easily disassociate sex with emotion.
Having sex with you over a long period of time will NOT make him fall in love with you; it will only make you fall deeper in love with him.
Here’s how it works. The chemical oxytocin, also known as the hormone of love, is released during orgasm. It’s the hormone that bonds mothers to their babies.
Every time you have sex with him, oxytocin bathes your brain, making you feel incredibly bonded and connected.
But it doesn’t work the same way for him.
He can experience orgasm and an amazing post-coital glow without seeing you as anything other than a sex partner.
So, if your goal is to develop a relationship, don’t jump in bed as the first step in your seduction. Build up a mental and emotional connection first or else you’ll drive him away.
When he slips that ring on your finger six months to a year later, you’ll be glad you did.
Sexy Yet Classy Tip #3: Don’t Parade Your Sexuality
Men or women. We all wear social masks.
When we’re out on the town, looking to attract some hottie’s attention, we put on our “sexy, fearless female” mask.
We’re out to get noticed and impress men, and our everyday personality just won’t do.
If the only person he knows is the fun, fabulous you – if you’ve made sure he hasn’t seen the potentially embarrassing parts of yourself, like your spotty complexion or the fact that you still sleep with a teddy bear – then don’t put any confidence in your budding relationship.
Many women try to be someone else to attract a man, then hope that the initial attraction will keep him with her when she finally lets him see who she really is underneath.
Only one problem: he’ll end up feeling cheated and may even dump her in disgust.
This is especially the case when it comes to sex.
Some women build themselves up as sex vixens: kissing other girls, talking explicitly about sex, and bragging about their experience.
They believe that this will arouse a man’s interest, they will create sexual attraction– and it will!
The problem is that he now believes you’re someone who’s just interested in sex and nothing else.
He’ll take you at face value and believe that your main goal is an amorous adventure.
If you believe that men are “only” after sex, you may be guilty of this mistake.
Some women put their sexuality on display, only to get upset when every man “just” wants to have sex with her.
These women often believe that the only possible reason a man could be interested in her is her body.
Their insecurity and lack of confidence in themselves leads them to try to lure a man with sexuality rather than their brains or personality, because they don’t believe that what they have to say or who they are could possibly interest him.
Let me ask you: do you believe that a man could fall in love with you just by talking to you?
Do you think you could attract a man even if you were dressed in a turtleneck and trousers?
Do you believe that unless you’re dressed a certain way with your makeup and hair done, he won’t notice you?
A truly confident woman knows that she has the power to attract men anytime, anywhere, whether she’s sweaty and makeup-free at the gym, camping and hasn’t bathed in several days, or slouching in sweatpants with a handkerchief as a headband.
That’s the level of confidence you need to attain: the knowledge that what attracts men to you is you, not your body, not your cleavage, and not the chance to have sex with you.
The next time you go out, try dressing more conservatively, like you would dress at work.
Don’t put on any makeup. I know that sounds hard, but try it for the sake of this experiment.
Without the added sexuality of revealing clothes or makeup, can you still attract male attention?
Notice how men interact with you, and see if you attract different men to the kinds you usually attract.
The previous three tips helped you avoid the pitfall of coming across as too sexualized.
The follow three tips do the opposite.
They will help you learn how to be sexually attractive to a man or even come across as sexier, while at the same time maintaining a sense of class.
Being comfortable in your own skin is one of the most important skills any woman can master.
Because, let’s be frank here: women are the most excruciatingly difficult body critics on earth.
We dissect our bodies down to the tiniest parts – eyebrows, fingernails, nose – and rate ourselves against models and celebrities.
It’s enough to make you wish you were born male! (Well, almost.)
Unfortunately for those of us who are particularly challenged in the body-love arena, men are particularly perceptive when it comes to seeing how comfortable we are in our own skin.
A woman who is shy, uncomfortable with attention, and unhappy with her looks won’t draw many men’s sexual interest.
That’s because sex is literally about body love.
It’s about loving one another’s bodies. It’s about stripping away all our defenses and being vulnerable and naked in front of one another.
Men sense that a woman who cannot love herself will be uncomfortable letting him make love to her, no matter how much she may want that to happen.
So, if you want to draw more sexual attention from men in a classy way, your goal is to learn to love your body first before you learn to be sexually attractive to a man.
All of it, without conditions. Here are some ways to do that:
Start a regular exercise routine. As you use your body in the pursuit of a goal, you gain physical confidence, improve muscle tone, and feel better about yourself in general.
Spend more time naked. I know – not all of us live in situations that make it easy for us to wander around the house naked!
Nevertheless, most of us have a room where we can shut the door and be alone.
Try to spend fifteen minutes a day being naked, doing whatever you usually do.
Try not to let the fact that you have no clothes on bother you.
As you get comfortable with being naked for fifteen minutes, extend the time. Try sleeping naked and see how that feels.
Pamper yourself. I can’t emphasize this one enough. Buy clothes with fabrics that feel soft and silky against your skin.
Rub scented moisturizer into your skin. Treat yourself to a facial, manicure, or expensive haircut.
When you splurge on making yourself look and feel great, your body confidence improves immensely.
There are two ways to draw male attention in a crowded room:
(1) wear racy clothes and pose provocatively, or
(2) forget about what you wear and own your space.
A woman who is confident takes up space.
She stands up tall, doesn’t hide herself in a corner, and takes up just as much room as she needs to. She doesn’t feel guilty or embarrassed. She’s okay if all eyes turn on her.
A confident woman doesn’t compare herself with all the other attractive women in the room.
She doesn’t engage in negative self-talk, such as,
“That attractive man over there would never look at me. Besides, that girl he’s talking to is probably his girlfriend.
I’m just too old/fat/ugly to attract someone that gorgeous.”
She doesn’t worry if she’s got a hair out of place or splashed her wine on her blouse.
She knows that her appearance is just that – appearance – and that she’s still the same great gal whether or not her lipstick has rubbed off.
Confidence gives you a physical self-assurance that draws men’s attention and tells them – without your having to say a word – that you will bring the same confidence into the bedroom.
A confident woman doesn’t have to broadcast her presence to the entire room, because she’s happy right where she is, doing what she’s doing. She knows that an interested man will come over to her.
She’s also not afraid of making eye contact.
Meeting a man’s eyes for a moment, then dropping your gaze, smiling, and looking away briefly before meeting his eyes again, is incredibly powerful.
Eye contact can also be used for another seductive purpose: checking out a guy.
Men love to be checked out. It’s such an ego stroke.
When a woman deliberately allows her eyes to travel the length of a man’s body, knowing that he can see her doing it, it sends an immediate charge to his libido.
A woman who’s unafraid of looking at him and appreciating his physique is exactly the kind of woman he wants in his bed.
A confident woman is in her body, not in her head.
This means that she’s paying attention to the environment around her, who is speaking, etc.
She’s not thinking about what she’s going to say next, whether that person likes her, or how she stacks up in terms of attractiveness.
Her attention is focused outside of herself, not inside.
Does that sound like you? If not, then pretend that you have that level of confidence.
Act as if you were totally confident and unworried. It works like method acting; you’ll find yourself feeling more confident right away.
A woman who’s confident in her sexuality doesn’t need to broadcast it to the world.
She’s done her research, and she knows she’s good in the bedroom.
She doesn’t need to talk about her vibrator or the time she kissed a girl.
She is the one who decides whether or not she’s interested in a guy; she doesn’t give the man the power to choose her.
If, on the other hand, you don’t know much about sex or what turns you on, it’s important to educate yourself.
Buy some books on sex, and learn what turns you on through self-experimentation.
Browse an online sex store for women (try Libida at shop.libida.com) or visit an adult store to learn more about sex toys and how they can improve your sexual experiences.
Simply knowing more about sex can help you feel more confident and prepared for anything that might transpire in the bedroom.
It’s Your Call
Ultimately, everyone has their own view on what is sexy.
What’s sexy to one person might seem conservative to another, or too risqué by someone else.
That’s why any “rules” should be seen for what they are: guidelines to help you think about what your image and what you want to convey.
Because it truly is your call. Women can be sexy no matter what their style, as long as they own it and make it theirs.
Best of all, you can be sexy regardless of your body type and budget.
“Sexy” is more than just how you look; it’s a state of mind.
Develop a sexy attitude, and the world is yours for the taking!
I will stop here. If you loved reading this article on how to be sexually attractive to a man then you’ll also love this powerful video presentation below.
My name is Manish Yadav and I’m the owner of the blog "Love Finds its Way". My advice does away with the manipulations and mind games recommended by magazines and the surface level advice of TV gurus… We’ll dive DEEP into the psychology and biology of desire and give you actionable steps you can use today. Over 900,000 men & women have transformed their relationships as a result, and I've been featured in Lifehack, Return of Kings, Menimprovement, Urban Dater, and so on... ...and no... We're not here to play games so you can manipulate your significant other... ...My only intention is to help you and your partner have a healthy and loving relationship by working on your intimacy with each other. And we’re just getting started!