Are you looking for ways on how to fix a sexless marriage?
I have been reading about sexless marriages in many magazines and blogs and also on ways to fix a sexless marriage and I have noticed it seems to follow a pattern- few romantic years in marriage and than sex issues, meaning romance was at peak for few months or maybe year.
But overtime things starts to change, you seem to lost all your self-esteem, feeling very confused, dejected because you did everything you could and when you try to discuss it your partner.
They would try to avoid the situation by giving a random answer which just don't make any sense.
You feel so hopeless, so torn, useless, confused and now you stumbled on this blog for some good sexless marriage advice. isn't it?
To be honest I must tell you that marriages can be tricky just like life you cannot predict what will the very next moment.
I have seen couples having sex twenty times in weeks and now not even once in a month.
Even more frustrating is they do realize that they love each other, still they no longer possess the power to have sexual intimacy and make each other happy.
You maybe wondering why is this difference? It's because your married life changes over time and those changes are the reasons behind why most marriages fail.
But the most painful reason is the lack of intimacy which almost fades away. It is the most powerful ingredient that connects married couple emotionally, mentally and physically.
If you have spent night after night with your backs to each other, but miles apart emotionally, disconnected and craving the intimacy you once had.
I really want to invite you to embrace the idea that you have everything you need within you right now to transform your relationship to everything you desire.
My purpose of writing this post is to convey a message of hope and inspiration to married couples who think that separation or divorce is the only answer because they don’t see a way out of the pain, frustration, anger or hurt they associate to their relationship.
Let me give you an example: When my wife and I were first married, we had sex every spare moment that we could. 2, 3, 4 or more times a day.
When we could, we would basically have sex all day and all night. We would stop and eat, take a nap, and go right back at it.
It's been more than 5 years we are married of course we are still young, but the most important thing is we continue to make love just like we did when we first got married.
The intimacy is still there and I know it will exist till the day we die, I don't know how old is your marriage, but if this is your situation, than there's something very, very wrong in your marriage and that something needs to be fixed.
Believe me I understand what you are going through right now and I know you even feel like getting out of this marriage.
But believe me guys divorce is not the solution, fixing your relationship is the solution.
If you are living in a sexless marriage and searching for ways on how to fix a sexless marriage than you are at the right place and the good news is couples in sexless marriages can reconnect and rediscover their lost intimacy and live a satisfying sex life again.
Before you continue reading this post I want you to realize one very significant aspect of marriage only than this post will help you.
Many couples struggle in their marriage which includes you and me too. Some marriages fail and some survive, the difference is in the action they take.
Even after reading this post on coping with a sexless marriage, if you fail to take the right action your marriage won't survive.
You have to take action and action in the right direction if you really wish to have a fulfilling marriage and sex life.
1. If You Want To Fix Your Sexless Marriage, Fill The Loopholes in Your Married Life.
Relationships problems give rise to mental loop of pain and slowly this relationship problems hit your emotions negatively.
Over time all different kinds of emotions blend together to take form of a loopholes and those loopholes are the causes behind you living a sexless marriage.
Note that when you first met your spouse romance was at peak and there were no loopholes.
It's when the romance starts to fade away slowly, the loopholes starts to kick into your marriage.
If you’ve experienced severe problems with your partner, you know it doesn’t feel good, but it can be tough to put your finger on exactly why you feel the way you do.
What both of you must realize is that there are certain thought processes that we engage in consistently that cause us to reinforce negative emotions such as loneliness, insecurity, anger, resentment, desperation, guilt, sadness, hurt and failure.
Believe me these are the loopholes that you need to fix, if you want to fix your sexless marriage.
2. Detoxify Your Married Life By Learning To Forgive And Forget.
I want to ask you something - Do you hold grudges in your heart? Do you feel like punishing your partner for their offenses?
Do you believe somewhere in your mind they were not present when you desperately needed them?
I understand and empathize with you, but trust me guys grudges wears people out and breaks relationship.
Better learn to forgive and forget, Yes it's tough but you have to, if you don't want to live in a sexless marriage.
Holding grudge is like consuming drug it kills you and your relationship slowly.
Ask in your mind had anyone found peace and love in life by holding grudge.
No one have believe me. It exhausts the one holding on to the anger and the offender who’s forever accused.
I accept sometimes unforgivable offenses occur in marriage that break your relationship and eventually the sexual intimacy once you shared together.
But if you are holding anger, resentments and conflicts about something in the past, you’re killing the loving space between you and your spouse and also making the air between you and your spouse toxic.
If there's a problem search for solutions fight it out, talk to your spouse, discuss with him or her.
Take corrective steps to fix those mistakes and eventually you will fix your sexless marriage.
Note that the power to detoxify your marriage rests in your own power to forgive.
3. If You Are Coping With a Sexless Marriage Answer This Questions And You will Eventually Get The Right Answer.
I am jotting down some questions for you, read them carefully only than you will be able to answer them seriously and try to be positive while answering those questions by positive I mean is learning to forgive, forget and understand the situation.
- What are the negative thoughts or emotions that stops you from getting physically and emotionally connected to your spouse?
- Do you believe somewhere in your mind that you are not able to fulfill your partner's demand? Be honest
- Do you believe your partner always hurts you and never cares for you? In the process of hurting you, do you think even they get hurt?
- What is that one thing in your relationship that you believe seriously needs to be changed or thrown away? Will changing that specific thing improve your sexless marriage?
- If you were asked to do one thing that could save your marriage what it would be?
- Does your tone convey love when you speak to each other? What else could your tone be communicating to your mate?
- What would you have to believe about your partner to feel more excited to be with them?
- Do you believe you need to bring some positive energy and what you would do to create that positive energy?
- What is the most important need that your partner craves from you?
Answer this questions carefully jot down the answers and try to reflect back on what went wrong and what can be done right in order to stabilize your marriage to bring it on the right path.
I wanted to discuss about the issues and problems first because I believe only than it will be possible to add the spark of sex and intimacy in your sexless married life again.
Sex comes at the later stages of relationship, first you need to reinvent the wheel to bring back the emotional connection and than talk about physical intimacy. This is the reason why I discussed the above three steps.
Now lets find out some amazing ways to fix your sexless marriage.
4. Try To Look Attractive - Both Men And Women Must Follow This Rule.
Looking great is the ex factor that connects both men and women emotionally as well as on physical level.
No matter how much you argue or fight with one another but the moment you see your partner in your favorite costume looking dazzling hot and sexy.
You tend to forget all the arguments and fights. Correct me if I am wrong?
On the other hand when you are out of shape and do not feel sexy, your libido significantly drops and at the same time you feel less confident and more irritated.
This irritation sometimes lead to embarrassment, negative emotions and fight. If you are looking for ways for surviving a sexless marriage change your look and you will eventually change your thoughts and perception toward your spouse.
5. Try To Reconnect Through Romance.
Romance is sort of drug that everyone loves to get addicted. Romance is the best therapy to survive a sexless marriage and fix it permanently.
It's because the more you touch your partner, the more you will feel bonded and connected. Have romantic sessions from time to time touching skin to skin.
Believe me touch is the best way to please each other sexually. It reboots your sexual feelings says Rapini.
No romance means no physical intimacy and no bonding end result a boring and sexless married life.
If you haven't done this yet start from today make the effort to kiss each other, always say goodbye in the mornings or hold hands while watching movie and touch each other's body while sleeping.
These are little but really powerful ways to fix a sexless marriage and I believe we are solely responsible for this situation because we stopped making the effort to fix the problem.
Even trying a little bit in these instances can go a long way and help you survive your sexless marriage.
6. Go on Date Every Fortnight.
Do you remember the last time you guys went together on date? Probably not.
Dating is one of the best way to reignite the hidden spark and intimacy in your sex life.
In fact one of the obvious reasons why the sex has fizzled out is because there is a lack of intimacy between you two and dating is the cure to reinvent that intimacy again.
When your relationship was new, you always wanted to spend an evening at the finest restaurant in your location to make your partner feel special.
But now things are different as you got little older, romance started to fade away, kids, work pressure and all kinds of social and personal responsibilities killed the idea of dating your partner. Probably you don't even think about it anymore.
I request you to go on dates, if you want to survive your sexless married life.
Trust me it will help to spice up your sex life by adding new flavors and removing all the junks and negative emotions little by little.
Go for a movie together, having a candle night dinner try and make the effort to spend more time and experience good things together.
Hold hands, talk about your day and work on the connection that you once had with your spouse.
7. Discuss Your Relationship Issues Without Getting Angry.
Start politely by saying - Hey Honey! you know how much I love you, how much I care for you, maybe I have hurt you unknowingly, but believe me I never wanted too.
Its just the situation sometimes gets out of control and I couldn't control my anger.
But I'm extremely sorry for that and I will try not to repeat it again.
But there's something that we need to talk, Please don't take my words in a wrong way, there are some things that trigger my negative emotions and I really want you to understand and change them for me, if possible.
I am not forcing you can take your time. Lastly I also want you to discuss anything and everything you feel is wrong and awful in me.
I will gladly accept your thoughts and will try to change that wrong thing to right.
If you really want to survive a sexless marriage talk in this fashion and note that when you speak, speak from your heart and don't speak just for the sake of speaking.
Relationship understand words spoken from the core of your heart, if you will try to manipulate things you will only end up bringing more trouble in your married life. I hope it's making sense to you.
8. Admit If there's Something Wrong.
We all commit mistakes and there's nothing wrong in that, but not admitting them is awful.
What you must realize is, it is time to admit that there is a problem to be fixed in order to make your sexless marriage survive.
I am asking you to admit and fix the issues because it's human tendency to become defensive and deny that there is anything wrong.
Try to change yourself and be the person your spouse wants you to be, of course it will take time but at least you can start to make them feel that they are important to you by making genuine effort.
What I want to convey here is you need to do something positive from regular to transform, change and modify your relationship situation.
9. Why Relationships Die Due To Unfulfilled Needs.
Do you know why some relationships continue to grow and some perish in the mid journey of their love life.
It's because we all have different needs to be fulfilled at different stages of our married life and when those needs are not fulfilled the spark and the intimacy in your married life slowly starts to fade away turning your beautiful married life into sexless married life.
I will tell you what are those unfulfilled needs that every married couple want to be fulfilled...
- Couples need excitement, adventure and little bit of thrill to add spice in their life - Do you surprise your partner every now and then by trying to add that spice in their life?
- A sense of being needed, a feeling of importance, a sense of purpose, uniqueness, or sense of meaning - Do you make your partner feel important?
- A sense of feeling, love, emotional intimacy combined with physical connection basically a feeling of oneness - Do you have this qualities in your marriage?
- The ability to produce, eliminate or avoid stress or the ability to create, increase or intensify pleasure - Do you help to reduce your partners stress or add more to it?
- Emotional connection leads to healthy sexual connection and your sexual connection defines the true state of your marriage - Do you share healthy sexual connection with your spouse?
Trust me guys these are some of the basic unfulfilled needs that's causing your married life to fail at every stage of life.
If you can cater this unfilled needs you will fix your sexless marriage life and turn it into happily married life.
10. Escape The You/Me Trap.
Many relationships have perished just because they could not escape the you/me trap.
Marriage is never "tit-for-tat" the "tit-for-tat" formula gets ingrained in our mind especially when the honeymoon phase gets over.
Note that we is an invisible entity, it can't be seen, still it possess lot of power to counter all the obstacles that comes in your married life.
Couples often find themselves locked in power struggles.
Instead of giving up control, both try to wrestle control from one another.
Power struggles are the number one reason why the "WE" factor is missing in your married life.
Life provides us with enough opportunities to let power struggle get the best of you. It is the symptom of lacking we, and struggle is often a result of feeling out of power of overwhelmed.
I believe when couples are caught in the power struggle both feel overpowered and both try to regain their power instead of concentrating this power for the betterment of their married life.
Power is something that tries to make you independent in your eyes, but being independent is not the key here.
The key is interdependence on each other which will help you to support each other in times of sheer adversity and crisis, meaning if you want to develop the culture of interdependence in your married life, you will first need to understand the "We" factor.
I believe these points are good enough if you want to understand how to fix a sexless marriage.
Note that Marriages work when two people decide to work as a team, not so much when either one or the other sees him- or herself as superior and above the rules.
Marriage works when both people defend their relationship and guard against dangers.
I hope you found this post useful if you really liked it please share it with other unhappy couples around you to bring some smile on their face. See you another day in a new post till than have a great day.