As you’ll learn throughout this amazing article, what’s key to a long-lasting relationship? What makes a man fall in love (and stay in love) based on how a woman makes him feel about himself when he’s with her.
Knowing that simple fact is the key to a long-lasting relationship.
To write this article, I surveyed thousands of men and women - people just like you - to find out what men really think about women, love, sex, and commitment;
What questions women really want answered about the men in their lives; and how to boil it all down into a few simple, easily-applicable principles that you can use to spice up your love life RIGHT NOW.
This article takes the form of a Q&A: your most pressing questions answered, by real live men.
I’ve read their results, peeked into their minds, and gotten them to unload some of their deepest, most personal secrets - yep, this is real “locker-room stuff” that women have never heard before.
The 2 main principles in play?
#1. The Paleolithic Principle, where you’ll learn how to alter his gut-level, emotional feelings about himself when he’s with you.
As you’ll see, this is the key to his heart.
And empowering him to feel like his best self when he’s around you will lock you in a permanent emotional clinch with this man that not even Arnold Schwarzenegger could rip apart.
The Paleolithic Principle is based on sound evolutionary science and the basic principles of human anthropology.
Put simply, it comes from the fact that the male brain is wired VERY differently from the female brain.
(I know … duh, right?)
But in all seriousness, this has a massive impact on your life and the quality of your relationships with men.
Once you learn how men prioritize things differently to you, how men feel and deal with their emotions differently from you, and WHY this is happening … you will LITERALLY experience a LOVE BOMB exploding in your very own living room!
The nature of your relationships and the level of true emotional closeness you experience with men will drastically transform INSTANTLY, and you will become the kind of irresistible woman that every man DREAMS of getting:
You’ll be that rarest of women: the one who actually UNDERSTANDS what he’s thinking and how he experiences relationships.
Next, there’s The Dream girl Factor, where you’ll learn how to slough off your habitual, unattractive, fear-based responses to his distance and aloofness; and instead, break out your natural “dream-girl” response to enable his masculinity and hero instinct and trigger your own femininity without a second glance.
You’re about to learn that men desire movement and momentum in their relationships like NOTHING else.
#2. For a man to experience fun, excitement, and anticipation in his romantic long-lasting relationship, he needs you to trigger his “hunter/protector” instinct and CRAVE to cherish and protect you …
As you’ll see, femininity is what really draws in a masculine man like a moth to a flame - and once you learn how to act like a dream girl, you’ll have NO troubles keeping him in love with you!
#3. The Question System
You may think that this sounds like a lot of information I’ve already thrown your way, but the real beauty of this book is discovering how easily you can apply it to your love life.
You see, you won’t only have access to rare insights into men, and tips to understand him as no other woman has but you’ll learn how to approach him by asking questions he’s been waiting for a woman to ask him his whole life…
…questions that will tap into his deepest feelings and thoughts he may not even know he had and feelings that he’ll willingly want to share with you!
You may be thinking, “That might work for some men, but my boyfriend/fiancé/ husband is very masculine…and closed off.
He pulls away, and I just let him have his space. I haven’t found anything to help,”and if so, then I’m here to tell you, you’re been off on your approach.
By asking questions—and learning some valuable ways to change your body language, your words and your timing, you’ll have the ability to relax him, set the tone for trust, and open him up without force and without frustration.
You see, you can ask questions to men (questions that you’ll find right here, throughout this article) that will reveal several things to you.
Number one: it will get him to open up on what he’s really thinking and feeling.
Are you tired of being in a relationship (or starting one) where it feels more like you’re taking a stab in the dark, guessing what he’s thinking or feeling…?
But that you never really know what’s behind those soulful eyes or gorgeous smile?
As you probably already know, men aren’t as verbally expressive as you are.
This doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to communicate with you—but whether you’re just getting to know someone you recently met, or you’re trying to get your long term boyfriend to open up a bit more, it’s not always easy for him to be asked a question, and pinpoint the answer.
Questions can help you get there.
Questions can allow you to ask someone about one aspect of their lives, and inadvertently give you information about other aspects…
For example, if you ask someone what they do with their free time, or what they’re passionate about, you can make reasonable assumptions about:
Their lifestyle, and what’s important to them on a day to day basis
How they see the world
How ambitious they are…
Or, if you ask questions about a man’s mother or sisters, questions have the power to reveal how he sees women.
Here are a handful of questions you can keep on hand to learn about what matters to him and what experiences he’s been through that way you can more skillfully dig deeper with the other questions you’ll read about throughout this book:
What was your upbringing like?
What was it like being the (youngest, middle child, oldest) sibling?
How was it growing up in the (city, country, suburbs, etc.)?
Do you have a close relationship with your mother? (Ask this question in a gentle manner, as may be a touchy subject if he’s not close with her.)
Do you have a close relationship with your father? If not, why? (Ask this in a gentle manner, and pick a time where he’s relaxed.)
If this was going to be your last day on Earth, what would you want us to do, right now?
If this was going to be your last day on Earth, what would you want to do?
Who do you most admire? It could be someone living or deceased.
If you could do anything for a living (and make more than enough money to be comfortable) would you be doing what you’re doing right now? Or something different? If it’s something different, what would it be?
Are you a beach person, a mountain person, or a desert person?
What is your favorite holiday? What is your favorite memory associated with that holiday?
Did you grow up in an affectionate home? Is physical affection important to you?
What’s most important: love or money?
Are you happy spending time alone sometimes?
What was school like growing up for you?
Do you live in an organized or cluttered home? How do you prefer it to be?
What kinds of things make you laugh? What do you find funny?
What do you dislike most about dating (if you’re single)? What do you like most about being in a relationship?
What do you love most about your best friend? What irks you the most?
Number two: questions will convey information about you that he wants to know (and of which can make the difference between him remaining faithfully committed, or committed to pulling away).
For example, let’s say you’re just getting to know someone new, but you’ve had a less than flattering past of turning guys away without really understanding why.
Questions you’ll learn here will actually teach a guy what you want him to know about you in a very sly way.
Take one of my email subscriber, Sandy. Before coming to me for help, she had struggled for years in her dating life.
She constantly drew men in, right from the get-go but quickly caused them to pull away.
She never really knew why—but as I quickly discovered, it was her habit of talking on and on (revealing everything about herself by date two) that left men feeling less than motivated to continue getting to know her.
Finally, about a year ago (after experiencing this dating pattern for about three years), she came me to me feeling totally hopeless—but I quickly gave her hope, because I know through experience (through being a man myself) what it really takes to get our attention, our devotion and our love.
I instructed her to ask her next date a few questions that will tell him something powerfully attractive about her, while also teaching her about him.
In total, while they walked through the park, she asked him these three questions:
“Oh, you think you can make that shot like Lebron James? You’ll have to prove that one to me next time.”
“You’re not afraid of a little adventure are you?”
“I’m not sure. You really think you can keep up with me?” (while smiling and bashfully batting her eyelashes).
Those three questions told her date several things that she had unsuccessfully tried telling those dates before him.
It told him that she’s a woman who could challenge him enough, so that he’ll be chomping at the bit to prove himself to her throughout their relationship…
It told him that she’s adventurous, full of life and happy (three traits that men universally find irresistible—and the fact is, men can’t be consumed by feelings of desire for a woman at the same time that they want to pull away.)
In other words, if he feels desire for you, he’s not going to pull away from you.
Lastly, it told him that she’s unlike any other woman he’s met—and that she’d be someone who rise him up to a whole new level of relationship happiness and satisfaction because of her fun, spirited nature.
In general, men aren’t used to this.
Men are used to dates with women that don’t turn out like they thought they would.
Maybe it’s because some women can’t hold a conversation, or perhaps some just sit there, with a poker face, expecting him to do all the work.
Or, he’s used to dating a woman who he feels interrogated by.
When she asks him what’s wrong, he replies, “Nothing’s wrong,” and she rolls her eyes do you think that encourages or discourages him from opening up and expressing how he feels?
A woman that engages a man with interesting, flirtatious and thoughtful questions is a woman he will soon (if not immediately) obsesses over and a woman he will WANT to open up for!
Now that you have some sample questions under your belt, and reasons why my question system is so powerful,
I want to share with you some bits of wisdom and insight as a MAN I feel compelled to share with you.
The fact is, this article covers a lot of information about the male species, body language, attraction techniques and questions that you can begin using today.
But, I want you to have a little bit of background information so that when you begin using everything you’ve learned, your timing will be perfect and your approach will be impeccable.
(After all, choosing to ask your man a question like, “Tell me all about your mother!
What was she like? When can I meet her?” while he’s engrossed at work on a stressful project isn’t going to get you the results you want, is it?)
Here’s my three rules for making your timing and your approach with men, perfection:
Let him know he’s safe with you.
Build up his confidence.
Understand that he processes information differently than you.
Now, here’s what you need to know for each:
Let him know he’s safe with you. It’s not easy being a man—after all, men are trained from birth to be tough, brave ‘soldiers’.
They are taught from a very early age—before they can even talk—to take care of things, protect their loved ones, and stuff their feelings.
Many men I know were babies when they began experiencing their dad, who would go off on a business trip, hug them tight and say,
“Hold down the fort and take care of your mommy while I’m gone.”
That message speaks loud and clear to boys growing up who quickly take on that role—to protect, to care for, and to provide for their loved ones.
And, as they grow up, many men never learn that it’s ok to show their emotions, and HOW to show their emotions freely and without shame.
In adult relationships, many men have tried to express themselves, but have been greeted with criticism, shaming and nagging.
These experiences can be deep wounds that some men never recover from—so why would he ever want to open up again?
If you want to transform your ability to pull a man into you emotionally—for good—then you’ve got to make him feel safe with you.
If he seems stressed about something, it’s helpful to remember that many men (while they were still boys) learned to disengage and detach from their feelings.
He may also be afraid of you becoming emotional, and not knowing how to comfort you.
Before asking him questions to open him up (never go right into it, or it’ll feel like an interrogation or an interview!) make sure you’re speaking in a calm tone.
Touch him while you’re talking to him (especially if he seems to relax when you hold his hand, kiss him, or rub his shoulders).
Start asking him what he needs from you. Questions like, “Would you like a drink, or something to eat? I can order us Chinese from that place we love.”
Then, give him time.
Sometimes, all men really need to open up is a woman who they can feel safe sharing their feelings with, and a woman who patiently gives them the time to get there without nagging or criticism.”
Build up his confidence. No matter how tough, confident or manly he may be, every man (including me) has moments of the tear-down.
The ‘tear down’ are times when a man feel defeated.
It may be that he failed to land that account at work that he’s been working hard for, or that he came in fiftieth at his first 10k race when he wanted to come in twentieth.
Feeling vulnerable is a tough one for men—and in my opinion, is one of the most common reasons that men pull away.
Even if he wants to talk to you about these problems, he may just do the opposite, because he doesn’t want to come across weak, or insecure or less than what he’s hardwired to believe he needs to be for you—strong, capable, assured, in charge (and in all other ways, a provider).
The truth is, from time to time, men can feel mortified.
If he feels like he’s failed or let someone down –a boss, his parents, and most importantly, you—then he may fear that he’s lost that person’s respect or admiration.
Some women know this about men, but they respond in the opposite way they should (and in turn, struggle to get the reaction they want.)
They coddle him—which only makes him feel even worse than he already does.
So, instead of overdoing it by being his 24/7 cheerleader, “You can do it!” and essentially, rubbing the wound with saltwater build him up.
Let’s say he’s recently lost his job and is going through the turmoil of finding a new one.
That’s a life occurrence that can cause a man to shut down and emotionally withdraw—as it has the power to shake up his confidence and routine.
A man’s job can connect heavily to his identity—so in order to help him to keep his confidence up while he finds a new one, and stay connected within the relationship, you’ve got to build him up from this point.
Saying things like, “I know you can do it!” is a babying, coddling response.
He may feel worse especially if you repeat that kind of comment over and over again.
You don’t want to agitate his feelings of powerlessness, but concentrate on saying something that will help him remember what he does have power over.
“That suit and tie is a power choice. You look the part.”
You can also encourage him by focusing on his strengths such as, “Even if this turns out not to be the job for you, the economy is rough right now,
I believe in you, and know the right job at the right time will present itself.”
Remind him how strong his resume is, and what an amazing and talented professional he will be for anyone lucky enough to snag him.
Understand that he processes information differently than you.
I consider this last tip to be the foundation for pretty much everything else you’ll learn in this article.
If you can understand the way that he processes information, then you can easily get him to open up—based on the fact that when you understand how he thinks and gets what you’re saying, you can demonstrate RESPECT (which as you’ll learn throughout this book, is everything.)
As a woman, you’re a pro at multitasking. But men aren’t.
What men are really good at is thinking linear way.
In other words, they are really good at honing in one problem, coming up with an awesome solution, and fixating on that solution until they solve the problem.
If he isn’t opening up—or you often have trouble getting him to open up, it could be because his mind isn’t on you quite yet, or your relationship.
It could be because he’s mentally still at the office, trying to come up with a way to talk to his boss about a work problem.
Give him the respect to finish processing what he’s thinking about, before you start a conversation with him, or ask him one of the questions you’ll find in this article.
Some men find that zoning out for a half an hour in front of the TV works.
Others like to distress while playing a video game. Some guys just want some peace and quiet.
Find out what he needs by watching him, and then show him respect by giving it to him. Give him the much needed time he requires to decompress before bombarding him with questions.
Then, once he’s had a hot meal, a hot shower and a cold drink, ask him targeted questions to help him along, such as
“Do you feel like watching Game of Thrones?” or “Do you feel like grabbing a glass of wine and hanging gout on the porch?”
He’ll be honest with you and let you know what he needs—and whether or not he shows it, he’ll be very appreciative of your respect for his need of space, and time.
I will stop here. If you loved reading this article on key to a long-lasting relationship please do not forget to watch this amazing video below.