A common complaint of women everywhere is that they don’t orgasm during sex. Their partners are eager, invested and interested, but it’s just not happening for them.
It’s not that female orgasm is hard to achieve. They may be able to achieve orgasm on their own, just not with the stimulation from intercourse alone.
My clients talk about this issue at length:
“I love to have sex with my boyfriend, but I’ve never climaxed with him. Do you know how to make it happen for me? I’m desperate, I’ll try anything.”
“How do other women orgasm during sex? What’s the easiest way for me to make it happen? What’s the easiest way to make a woman ejaculate freely during sex?
I read somewhere that women only orgasm with a guy after they’ve been together forever.
I hope not, because I really want to feel like I’m a woman with my partner, not just when I’m masturbating.”
So let’s backtrack a bit and use all of the information we’ve already covered to explain with a more rounded, all-encompassing approach, exactly how a woman’s body enables orgasms in a certain way, and what you can do to harness that built-in functionality.
EVEN THOUGH WE’RE DIFFERENT, WE’RE REALLY QUITE THE SAME
#1. Female Clitoris.
The clitoris is a complex yet fascinating sexual organ, one that provides many comparisons to your penis!
While containing a similar shaft, with many differences in regards to how it looks and where it’s placed, but with comparable functionality.
For instance, few men can orgasm without direct stimulation to their shaft. Sure, it’s possible, but it isn’t the norm.
The corresponding body part for a woman is her clitoris – the whole thing, not just the clitoral head.
Therefore, trying to get a woman to orgasm without ‘stroking her shaft’ so to speak is possible, but not probable.
The vaginal opening holds the most of a woman’s nerve endings along the vaginal canal, other than that small disc-shaped space an inch or so up the shaft called the G-Spot.
The vagina does feel pressure, but most of its sensitivity lies where the vaginal canal connects to the clitoral network: the G-Spot, the A-Spot further back which controls lubrication, and the exterior contact points in the vaginal opening and the clitoral head/hood.
The skin of a man’s scrotum compares to a woman’s labia majora and minora.
The seam that lies along the length of the scrotum is where a woman’s labia lips part to offer her moist opening.
The nerve endings are similar for both sexes in their corresponding areas.
Stimulating a man’s scrotum, while pleasurable, will rarely make him come if nothing else is happening.
If you want to pleasure your woman, you need to get to all her sensitive spots, the way she does for you when her lips caress your shaft from tip to hilt.
Normally, men orgasm when they are aroused from direct penile stimulation.
The comparable act for women then is when their clitoral head, or somewhere else along the clitoral network, receives direct stimulation.
So let’s talk a bit more about this clitoral network, and the clitoral head.
#2. THE ORGASMIC HUB – THE CLITORIS
The clitoral head is what most folks call the clitoris, love nub, skittle, button... you get the drift.
Many feel that this little exposed piece of flesh is all there is when it comes to the clitoris, but scientists can now prove that the truth is a much bigger story.
The clitoral head – the tip of the clitoral network – expands and fills with blood when a woman is aroused, just like a man’s penis does.
The clitoral head even has a foreskin, called the clitoral hood, which protects it from infection and too much stimulation, just like foreskin.
When a women gets exited, this hood slides back for better stimulation, and hides the clitoral head again just before climax.
A major, visible difference between a man and woman’s anatomy is that a man’s penis hangs from his body while a woman’s clitoral network is hidden internally.
This clitoral network complex lies flat against a woman’s body, hidden behind skin, tissue, bone and muscle, and weaves through a woman’s genitalia, splitting in half where the labia splits, running the length of the labia and curving even deeper inwards along the length of the vagina.
One of the more difficult aspects of a woman’s anatomy is that her clitoral head and network aren’t easily reach – you certainly don’t want to reach out and grab her clit in the heat of the moment!
The clitoris is also connected on both ends. A good analogy:
If the top of a man’s penis was attached to his stomach, how would he thrust? He couldn’t.
He’d be dependent on his partner to rub up against him or touch him to receive direct stimulation during intercourse.
This is exactly what a woman needs during sex.
The fact that her is buried so deeply makes the challenge a bit more interesting, but by absolutely no means impossible.
While it may be difficult, there are some serious benefits to the layout and design of the clitoral complex.
For starters, any stimulation to the network affects the entire clitoris.
This is why some women are able to orgasm during intercourse with only the movement of a man’s penis thrusting inside of her: because the vaginal opening does have a few nerve endings hiding out there, and the in-out motion pulls the labia down, thus rubbing the clitoral hood and in turn, indirectly the clitoral head.
Basically, even if your wife is able to orgasm during intercourse without direct clitoral stimulation, just thrusting in and out gives her a taste of the indirect stimulation she needs to make it all the way on her how.
#3. IF IT FEELS GOOD FOR YOU, IT’S GOOD FOR HER TOO
How would you feel if a woman played with the base and shaft of your penis, or maybe your scrotum skin, but nothing else?
This is the point in foreplay that most make start to take the lead or start thrusting for an open mouth or parted legs.
Would you be able to orgasm with so little stimulation?
If so, do you think the orgasm be a strong one, or one that you found satisfying?
My guess is now. Now how about if your lover started licking your head, or opened up to let you slide inside her warm, wet orifice?
Most men strongly prefer direct stimulation to indirect, to the point of it being their main source of orgasmic pleasure during sex.
If that kind of sensation and feeling is crucial for your sexual release, why shouldn’t your partner enjoy a similar experience?
Of course you want her to – that’s why you’re reading this text – and learning the moves to make it happen is the first step to female orgasm or orgasmic bliss.
Orgasms that originate in the vaginal canal do exist, as do orgasms that start off with mere penile shaft stimulation.
But for the most part, folks who want to have sex and orgasm during the act are looking for an orgasm that originates with the glans – clitoral head or head of the penis – because these are the strongest and most satisfying.
The problem with this concept however is that sex experts went from the Freudian theory of a woman’s orgasm only existing when it starts in her vagina, to the decision that the only way a woman orgasms during sex is through fingering, toys, masturbation or blow job.
The fact is, for some women this is true – but not most, and definitely not all.
For many women – like me, and many of my clients – the best orgasms occur during intercourse.
But how does a woman like me make this happen consistently?
A woman who knows her body can make sure that the right bits and pieces get stimulated no matter what position she’s in, so take a cue from the woman.
#4. A BIT OF BIOLOGY
Let’s go back to our anatomical description of a woman’s genitalia for just a little while to explain the concepts a bit more extensively.
The clitoral head – the bud that you see poking out when a woman is aroused – is actually just the tip of a large, interconnected network of nerve endings.
Covering the tip is the clitoral hood, which retracts during arousal and intercourse to allow for further stimulation.
As the clitoral head moves from the outside of a woman’s body to the inner workings of her genitalia, it expands into a complex network of nerves and tissues.
Starting just under the fatty layer that surrounds this entire area, the network starts off with the clitoral shaft – similar to a man’s penile shaft – and then separates into two shafts and does a U-turn.
The turn, called the clitoral knee, wraps back around to extend to the G-Spot at one angle, and the labia minora and majora at another.
Basically the entire network hub meets up at the clitoral hood, almost like a flower in wait to bloom.
When in its normal, un-aroused state, the clitoral head seems much like a budding flower waiting to bloom, and when a woman gets aroused, it opens up its petals internally, expanding in both directions down and out.
As the clitoral hood reacts and expands very much like the head of a penis, it is able to increases in size and becomes erect.
When it fills with blood, the internal U-turn straightens out somewhat, and lies suspended even closer to the woman’s skin because of its engorgement.
#5. THE KEY TO FEMALE ORGASM: SYMPHYSIS
For most women, the head of the clitoral network - the clitoral hood, head and shaft - sits underneath a padding of fat and skin around the bottom portion of the mons pubis.
Doctors call this area the symphysis, and it’s identified in X-rays as a small, thin oval-shaped bone.
The symphysis sits under the clitoral knee and shaft internally, with another cushion of fat, muscle and skin over top.
When a woman is aroused, you can feel the shaft with a delicate touch, as it swells and presses up against the symphysis.
Men also have a symphysis at the base of their penis, and it is also covered with a small layer of fat, muscle and skin.
Therefore, to enhance the chance of a woman’s sexual release, make sure that every time you have sex, your symphysese are pressed up against one another.
As well, make sure that each thrust into your partner ends with a grinding of these areas together, thus stimulating the shaft of her clitoris and giving her the friction she needs to orgasm.
Additionally, if she can tilt her pelvis up towards the root of your penis, she’ll further enhance the sensation.
#6. THE SYMPHISIS CONNECTION WITH FEMALE ORGASM.
Depending on your partner’s individual anatomy and how excited she is, you can effectively stroke her clitoral shaft up to two inches while performing this act.
She’ll instantly know that it’s working because she’ll feel the difference in stimulation, and will probably liken it to how she feels during her own masturbatory sessions.
In time, she’ll be able to manoeuvre her pelvis exactly so she can achieve the right angle of friction, and you’ll know when you’ve hit the right spot at the bottom of your thrusting because you’ll feel your symphysese press up against one another.
For side or rear-entry positions, you may both have to alter your angle of thrusting and grinding, or use your hands, to achieve the same results.
Some women find that once they’ve mastered this technique, they orgasm quite quickly, and can control the speed of which they achieve climax as well.
If she thinks she’s about to come and wants to prolong the pleasure, all she has to do is move her bum out and stop letting your symphysis rub up against hers.
She’ll remain aroused, but won’t receive the stimulation that was pushing her too far too fast.
By now you should have a solid understanding of your partner’s body, climactic response, and what makes her feel good both physically and emotionally.
You feel confident about your knowledge and skills, what to look for when you’re in the heat of the moment, and can tell when your partner is aroused or not.
Even if you’ve ticked all the boxes, maybe making her come with your hands and your mouth just aren’t enough!
When you both are eager to experience intercourse orgasms, it’s during these situations that you can try nudging your partner in the right direction using her own body’s natural rhythms and biology.
Now, not all of these options will work for everyone. Let her be the judge as to what works and what doesn’t, but here are a few suggestions to get you started:
#1. When your partner is already aroused, ask her to tense up different parts of her body as you please her.
Things like pointing her toes, making a fist, or clenching her legs together creates tension in her body – something that is crucial for squirting or orgasm.
Try stroking different parts of her body while you are inside of her, suggesting she tighten those muscles as much as possible before moving onto the next erogenous zone.
Spend extra time around her inner thighs and pelvis and feel them quiver under your gentle touch.
#2. Ask her to clench her vagina around your penis during intercourse.
The squeezing and releasing in a rhythmic manner, called a “Kegel exercise”, often excites a woman and allows her to feel more of you inside of her, helping her to focus her attention and yours directly on her genitalia.
#3. Choose positions that are more challenging than normal for your partner to hold, angled so that her head lies below her torso.
There are more than a few of these positions in this article as well as toys like the LIBERATOR.COM to help you out.
These sex positions work great because extra blood flow to the head creates tension in the body and quickens breathing.
For positions that aren’t already primed for this technique, scoot her to the side of the bed or couch and get her to lie her head back over the edge with her shoulders still flat and supported.
#4. Encourage your partner to really let go of her anxieties and inhibitions. If she’s comfortable, get her to use sexy language to encourage her own orgasm.
For example, ask her to tell you how close she is to climax, how badly she wants to come with you inside of her. Why not try role playing with her?
Suggest she move her hips as if she were a belly dancer, stripper, or another sexual creature that she feels kinship with.
#5. When she shows signs of arousal, move away from stimulating her directly and start teasing different parts of her body instead.
Why? You’re building more tension in her body indirectly, allowing her climax to sneak up instead of focusing on it entirely.
#6. Maybe she’d like to watch the two of you while having sex. Ask if it’s okay to grab a mirror, or have sex in the bathroom, so you can both get a better look at the incredibly hot positions you’re about to try for amazing female orgasm.
If she really likes the view, maybe she’ll let you hook up the video camera to the TV and get it on to your very own homemade porno!
#7. Try a position that neither of you have attempted before, or get her to move in a way that she hasn’t tried – such as swiveling her hips, doing figure eights, Tilting her pelvis or using a vibrator during sex.
The new sensations might just touch secret parts of her inner sanctum that send her right over the edge.
#8. Make sure she’s wearing something before you start that makes her feel like a sexpot. Maybe a slinky negligee or some lacy underwear would do the trick.
Get her to wear whatever makes her feel good, and then ask her why. Suggest she focus on those sensations – how it cinches in her waist, glides over her nipples, or tickles her labia.
Undress her carefully after she’s aroused, or keep the outfit on while you’re having sex for that extra stimulation.
#9. Start panting, and ask her to copy you. Holding her breath or increasing the amount of inhalations causes tension and mimics an orgasm.
Doing this can signal, for some folks, that orgasm is imminent and therefore it’s time to climax.
If you match your breath together, you are even more likely to experience to ecstasy of simultaneous orgasm.
You may want to try out all of these suggestions at once, along with a handful of positions.
Your enthusiasm is admirable! Just remember that these ideas aren’t the be-all and end-all of the orgasmic experience.
There are also other factors at play that may affect her ability to come: how stressed out she is, if she’s tired or not in the mood, if there’s something else on her mind.
So make sure she’s got the right mind set, and then set the mood for a sensual, romantic evening.