We want a story that starts out with an earthquake and works its way up to a climax.”- Samuel Goldwyn
If I were to change this quote so that it better fits our subject in focus, it would sound something like this: women want an orgasm that starts out with an earthquake in the mind and works its way up to a full body climax. But the issue is most women can’t orgasm.
Because that’s how we’d like to experience the most important part of sexual intercourse, like a total euphoria that encompasses and unleashes both our minds and our bodies.
Though I pride myself in thinking that what I described in many of my other articles is reality, many women would contradict me, saying that all this full-body, mind blowing orgasm theory sounds too good to be true.
This saddens me a little, but I know that what these women need is not my compassion, but my professional help (moving from women can’t orgasm to women can orgasm)
And I am going to help them, but not in the traditional way, if I’m allowed to say this. I’d rather tackle this issue differently, that is, teaching men the tips and tricks that they need in order to prove their respective girlfriends or wives wrong.
My best advice comes to you, my dear sexy reader, because I know that you are more than willing to learn and information and practice the exercises so that your partner gets to feel what, unfortunately, few feel: the full-body orgasm!
Great orgasms are not the exclusive gifts of porn stars and women that are biologically created so that climaxing happens easier and more often than not, they are available (for free!) to any woman out there that has a vagina, a will, and a savvy man (who, likes to read https://lovefindsitsway.com/blog articles) at hand.
The fact that I have decided to write this article on this particular subject is not accidental.
I have happened to meet many unsatisfied women, which are more than one can imagine, studies show.
In fact, according to the Durex 2004 Global Sex Survey, only 35% of women climax every time they have sex.
Studies also show that around 40% of women suffer from sexual dysfunction and about a fifth of them have low levels of libido and that’s the significant reason why most women can’t orgasm.
Even worse, around 10% of women claim they NEVER have orgasms.
You’re gasping right now? Wondering if your girlfriend or wife is among them? Don’t worry, I’m here to help if this is the case.
Also, don’t be discouraged. The fact that she is having troubles reaching that special happy place is not your fault, of the fault of the sex you two are having.
Some women are naturally less able to climax. In 2005, geneticist Khytam Dawod published a study in Twin Research that suggested a woman’s ability to climax was partly down to her genes.
His team discovered that part of the complications that stopped women from having powerful orgasms was due to genetic factors.
However, this doesn’t mean that you should just assume from the start that it is her fault, of how her body works.
“Being able to orgasm is a combination of mental and physical factors”, says Marcelle Perks in her book Incredible Orgasms:
And, however, if we were to look at this situation from the positive side, this means that she has room for improvement, and that you two get to practice more often, until she finally gets it right, and gets it good.
This article is filled with practical tips on how to increase her pleasure during intercourse, so that she never again experiences the frustration of having to get dressed unsatisfied.
You’ll find plenty of ideas for physical techniques, but also solutions that will increase her psychological arousal, because this is of extreme importance as well.
I hope this article helps you help your partner discover the sizzling side of her sexuality and the fact that she is surely able to have orgasm that make her scream so hard that your neighbors start complaining about it.
One last word of caution though: Know that there are no universal, one-size-fits-all techniques to revive her climaxing situation up.
Some women love some things, others can’t feel it like that and want it differently.
Concentrate on how you feel, how she responds to your techniques, and make a conscious effort to truly understand how both her mind and body function.
It’s the best start you can make to make her orgasm and get her addicted to you.
You are so lucky! Seriously, you don’t even understand how lucky you are.
You get to pee standing up, don’t deliver babies and have never experienced the horror of monthly period. I envy you.
But the reason I most envy you is another: I’m jealous of how easy it is for you to get aroused, have an orgasm and ejaculate with that big smile smeared all over your face.
In case of all women out there, sex is an intricate business. They don’t get in the mood easily and they don’t orgasm by magic.
But there’s a biological reason why.
“The female body is more complicated than a man’s is; it needs different touches and pressures to get to that point of no return, and what works for one woman might not work for another”, explains Patti Taylor, author of Expanded Orgasm:
Soar to Ecstasy at Your Lover’s Every Touch. Ian Kerner says, in his book She Comes First, that if you spend at least twenty-one minutes on foreplay, 92.3% of women are guaranteed an orgasm.
His results, though, are based on a small sample. The truth is, there is no exact number. Some women need much more or much less.
Also, there’s basically no real external clue of whether she is aroused or not.
A man knows he is aroused when his penis is hard, but in the case of women, things are, again, more complicated.
That’s because being wet doesn’t mean she’s aroused, as vaginal lubrication depends sometimes on where she is in her cycle or what medications she is taking.
And it’s not just physiological, it’s also psychological.
A woman generally can’t climax via purely physical stimulation, like a man can.
She has to be in the right emotional state to truly let go.
Bad emotional state is one common reason why most women can’t orgasm.
Yes, it’s a sad fact of life that the end of the sexual act leaves, at least 50 percent of the time, the man satisfied and the woman having missed out big time.
Before you convince yourself that it’s biology that hates women, please note that you shouldn’t accept this or take it for granted.
Here are the three main things that make it harder for women to reach climax than men and the solutions to each and one of them. Yes, it is that simple!
Being wet doesn’t mean she’s aroused, as vaginal lubrication depends sometimes on where she is in her cycle or what medications she is taking.
1) Lowered libido
• Never feeling in the mood for sex
• A decrease in her usual sex drive
• Feeling so stressed and tired that having sex is the last thing she wants. Most likely to affect: women in long term relationships.
In those first few precious weeks of romance, it’s easy to go at it like animals. But, after a while, it can become predictable and somewhat… boring.
(you’ve memorized every single aspect of each other’s bodies and know the exact moves needed to get the other person in the mood).
Losing the initial element of surprise and exploration, for women at least, can mean they stop looking forward to sex.
Another thing that can keep her from wanting “it” is not feeling confident enough about her body.
If she’s constantly trying to get into positions she thinks are flattering, she’ll never relax enough to reach orgasm.
“These negative thoughts act as a message in her brain; the message goes all the way down to her spine and affects her arousal.
A woman’s brain is the most important sex organ because what women think has a got a big effect on how they feel sexually”, says Vivienne Cass, author of The Elusive Orgasm:
A Woman’s Guide to Why She Can’t orgasm and How She Can Orgasm.
Yes, women are a little crazy when it comes to how their bodies look when they are doing it with you.
That crazy that they are actually thinking you are secretly rating their bodies. I know- waaay far from the truth.
If you think how damn sexy her body looks while she’s all hot and sweaty, why not tell her that?
She’ll feel less self-conscious and she’ll be able to relax.
If your sessions have become routine and unexciting, and you feel that she is not getting any enjoyment out of it, sit down with her and make a list of different positions or sexual acts you’d like to try.
This will give her some things to look forward to exploring.
Also, since for so many women getting turned on is as much in the mind as in the body, you might find out that just talking about what you’d like to do in bed (or out of it) to improve your current situation, is enough to get her aroused.
2) Limited arousal
• Having never achieved orgasm
• Not being sure if she’s ever actually come
• Not finding intercourse satisfying
Most likely to affect: women who aren’t getting enough foreplay.
If she’s never had an orgasm, she’s never going to be able to guide you towards helping her have one as she simply won’t know what pushes her over the edge.
“One of the biggest misconceptions holding women back is the belief that a climax is easily achieved through vaginal intercourse alone.
The most common reason for not achieving orgasm is generally not enough foreplay or clitoral stimulation before sex.
Many women never climax during sex itself without clitoral stimulation at the same time”, says Victoria Zdrok Wilson, author of The 30-Day Sex Solution:
How to Build Intimacy, Enhance your Sex Life, and strengthen your Relationship on One Month’s Time.
Ask her if she’d like to try masturbating in each other’s presence. Thus, you’ll be schooled directly on what gets her off, and you’ll know how exactly you can help her.
Using either her hand or a sex toy (and preferably with lubricant), she should start touching herself until she finds what feels nice for her.
Pressure is the number one enemy of orgasms, so make sure she doesn’t stress if it takes her a while to get there.
“The more she pressures herself to have an orgasm, the less likely she is to climax.
Moreover, recent studies suggest that for a woman to com, the part of the brain connected to anxiety needs to shut down”, says Samantha Sade, author of Clitology:
Master Every Move from A to G-Spot to Give Her Ultimate Pleasure.
Help her by touching her other hot spots.
If it feels pleasurable, than you’re headed in the right direction. If it helps her unwind, pour her a glass of wine, or prepare a warm, steamy, bubble bath for her.
This not only relaxes her body and mind, but also increases blood flow to her pelvis, which is necessary to orgasm.
3) Clumsy loving
• She can orgasm alone, but not with you.
You are unwilling to do what it takes to make her climax.
Most likely to affect: women who don’t feel comfortable talking about sex.
“A common complaint of men is that women are not clear on what they like.
It’s rather depressing that so many women are still reluctant to show men how to please them”, says Bettina Arndt, author of The Sex Diaries.
Since only she knows what feels good for her, ask her to give you a little direction.
If she’s embarrassed, just calmly explain to her that your only goal is to make sure she gets all the pleasure possible from your lovemaking.
She’ll get a message in a way that won’t make her shut herself more in her little cocoon of frustration and lack of satisfaction.
It’s slightly harder if she is not willing to help you with pieces of information on how to get her aroused.
If she’s not happy with opening up and sharing stuff, try everything!
You’ll soon find a mixture of moves and touches that gets her off.
If she’s not communicating what she likes, it’s time for you to mix things up by taking control of the situation.
Don’t wait around expecting her to grow a pair and lead the way, instead, guide her through it.
Most women aren’t really fond of initiating things in bed, even more when they are not getting any pleasure out of what’s happening between the sheets, so she’ll find it completely hot that you’re taking her for the ride, ready to solve every little issue that she has.
You are her knight in shining… boxers!