Some guys try to do the right thing and move on, but they still have lingering feelings for their ex. It’s a situation that a lot of women find themselves in.
What would I do if my boyfriend still talks to his ex, what if my boyfriend still has feelings for his ex? Is my boyfriend texting ex behind my back? My boyfriend won’t cut ties with his ex, is he still in love with his ex?
These are questions that many women ask themselves.
It’s hard to deal with any emotional bond your partner has with someone else, whether good or bad, but it can often leave you feeling insecure and unhappy about the relationship.
Here’s What You Should You DO If Your Boyfriend Still Talks To His Ex.
#1. Do some self-evaluation.
My boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend may be a threat — or she may not.
An individual may not know until one takes a look at the big picture. Therefore, it’s essential to do a little self-evaluation.
Do you tend to be jealous in a relationship? If so, that could explain why you’re feeling threatened now.
If jealousy is an issue for you, talk to your boyfriend about it and see whether there’s some way he can help. For example, if he talks to his ex on the phone and it bothers you, ask him to do that only when you’re not around or while you’re talking on the phone with someone else.
Think about how often they talk to each other. If they talk once or twice a week, it’s probably not a big deal. But if they talk every day, that’s more worrisome.
This can be because he still loves his ex.
Ask your boyfriend how often he talks to her and try to get an idea of what they talk about — just casual conversation or more serious discussions about their relationship?
#2. Talk about your concerns.
Talking to your boyfriend about the situation is an excellent first step. If he’s too cozy with his former girlfriend, it could mean that he’s not over her.
Address it out and see if he can at least compromise with you. He may want to continue the friendship with his ex, but he can do so in a way that doesn’t turn you away from him.
He may not realize that you feel this way — and if he does know and continues the behavior anyway, then he’s flirting with disaster by cheating on you emotionally (and maybe physically).
If he’s dating someone else, then the proper thing for him to do is break up with you before starting the new relationship.
#3. Ask Him How He Feels About His Ex.
You’re not being unreasonable or petty by asking yourself, ‘my boyfriend still talks to his ex and why all the time’.
If you feel that the relationship isn’t secure with her in the picture, ask him how he feels about her and how far he wants their friendship to go.
You don’t want to be controlling or manipulative — there’s no reason why a guy can’t be friends with an ex — but there are some lines you shouldn’t cross if you’re dating someone else.
Directly ask and point out these thoughts and feelings.
#4. Consider how long he has been apart with his ex.
If your boyfriend has a history of cheating or lying, you may have reason to worry about his behavior in the present.
Most ladies point out concerns, “My boyfriend won’t cut ties with his ex.” He may be more likely to cheat on you again if he believes that his actions won’t be discovered.
If he lied about his past relationships before you met him, consider how seriously he took those commitments before making new promises to you. Once you’ve determined the degree of trust your boyfriend places in your relationship, think about how long they have been apart.
If it’s been less than two years since they parted ways, chances are he needs some time and space before moving on.
But if it’s closer to six years since their breakup, there may be something else at play.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that he’ll cheat on you — but it does mean that she could quickly re-enter your boyfriend’s life if an opportunity arises.
#5. See how he responds.
After asking your boyfriend about the issue at hand, this is not a good sign if he responds by getting angry or defensive.
If he gets excited about talking about the ex or starts bragging about her, this is not good either. This may mean that he still loves his ex.On the other hand, if your boyfriend responds by trying to assure you that he loves you and nothing is going on between him and his ex-girlfriend, then this means it is harmless.
If he is serious about moving forward with you, he will be open to discussing his feelings about his ex with you.
He will want to share these feelings with you to work through them together.
Once he sees how supportive and loving you are, he will begin to feel more secure with you and realize what a great catch he is.
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#6. Find out if he’s keeping mementos.
When a person is in another relationship, they may wonder about the past. This can include the present, which means it’s essential to know if he keeps mementos from his ex.
If your guy still has any objects from his ex, whether it’s an item of clothing or a picture, this could be a red flag.
Is he still in love with his ex? Personally, even if my boyfriend still talks to his ex, a good rule to follow when it comes to your relationship and the stuff you have together is this:
If you don’t want your partner to see something or be reminded of something, don’t keep it in the first place. It’s just too much of a temptation for your partner to go looking through your closet or bookcase and come across something that will cause stress.
It’s not just about whether your partner is single or not either.
It doesn’t matter who they were with before you, they should be able to trust you enough not to snoop through their things, and that includes your things as well.
#7. Follow up on social media.
If you suspect something is going on and you want to know for sure, engage in some detective work on social media and find out, if he has been getting back in touch with his ex for innocent reasons or if your boyfriend still has feelings for his ex.
Also, ask yourself, “Is my boyfriend texting ex behind my back? If his profile says he’s single, but it looks like there are a lot of pictures with the same girl, that’s a big red flag. Let him know that you know.
#8. Don’t give him an ultimatum.
One thing that is not a good idea is giving him an ultimatum: “Either you cut off contact with your ex or else.” Ultimatums put people on the defensive and make them feel controlled.
Let him know if he wants to be with you and consider your feelings. If he wants to still be in touch with his ex, then let him. It’s his life; you cannot make someone do something they don’t want to do.
You’re only setting yourself up for heartbreak if you put conditions on your relationship. If you try and force his hand, he will resent you for it, and if it comes down to a choice between you and her, well, I think we all know how that will end.
He can play games with you all he likes; however, at the end of the day, if you want a healthy relationship, then you need to be able to trust each other 100%.
The bottom line is you cannot control what other people do; only how you react to situations.
#9. Ask to Meet His ex.
If there’s no chance of your boyfriend and his ex ever getting back together, he should have no problem introducing you two.
This will prove if your boyfriend still has feelings for his ex.
Of course, you should be prepared for his ex to be upset or even angry when she finds out he’s seeing someone else, but if things went well between her and your boyfriend and they genuinely want only the best for each other, she should eventually warm up to you. Alternatively, you can suggest a group hangout. This will allow you to see how your boyfriend interacts with his ex and how they talk about one another.
As for me, my boyfriend still talks to his ex and I’m okay with it since once in a while we all meet up and laugh over a cup of coffee!
#10. Look at his phone/laptop.
The best way to deal with a situation like this is to look at his phone or laptop history/email inbox.
This is a big no-no and can lead to significant trust issues down the road.
But if I need proof that my guy is still talks with his ex, there’s nothing wrong with taking a sneaky peek at his phone or computer history. Once seen the evidence firsthand, it’s time to talk to the guy about it. The best bet is still not confronting him directly.
When he gets home from work or wherever he was when snooping, tell him something like, “You left your phone on the coffee table last night, and I couldn’t help but notice that you were texting one of your old girlfriends.” Then wait to see how he reacts afterward.
FAQs – My Boyfriend Still Talks to His Ex.
What do I do if my boyfriend has an emotional affair with his ex?
You should talk to him about how it makes you feel, and if he denies he is having an emotional affair, tell him how you see the signs.
If he becomes defensive or angry, this could indicate that something is going on. You need to talk to him and decide whether you can trust him or not, whether to end the relationship or not.
What to do if my boyfriend is still in contact with his ex?
“My boyfriend still talks to his ex” is a pain pill to swallow, especially in a young relationship. If your boyfriend is still in contact with his ex, you need to talk to him.
It doesn’t matter if it’s purely platonic or if they’re texting each other multiple times a day. This is a severe issue that should not be ignored.
What to do if my boyfriend is secretive about his ex?
First, you ask yourself, “Is my boyfriend texting ex behind my back?” However, whatever his reasons are for being secretive about his ex, you need to let him be as secretive as he wants to be.
Because if you don’t like the fact that he’s being secretive with you about his ex, then your only option is to end the relationship because of this issue.
Alternatively, having an honest conversation with your boyfriend about this can turn out helpful.
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