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You’ve tried every method… Yet he still ignores you… He still refuses to give you affection… These are signs of a controlling boyfriend. In other words, he is a selfish man in a relationship.
Though I am a Guy, but I can understand how you feel living life with a selfish and controlling boyfriend.
You feel like you’re talking to a stonewall… Or worse, he gets angry and abusive whenever you try to make the relationship better… Know this:
It’s NOT your fault It’s not you… Its him.
I’m so sorry you live with this void. I don’t know how you do it for as long as you have.
You took care of your end, made sure you weren’t the problem and gave your best but still he tried to control you and acted selfish with you.
You may have read many articles like this, plus tons more I’m sure.
Now you’re done with his controlling behavior. And it makes sense.
His behavior is extreme and not normal and he probably will never get better.
He has deep rooted issues that have affected him to a point where he can’t give you what you need and deserve in a relationship.
And these issues? Have NOTHING to do with you. Read that again: His issues? His have NOTHING to do with you!
Even he is showing signs of controlling you, but I must say HE needs help. Not you.
And if he absolutely refuses to get help, what you need to do now is leave. Get out.
And that’s the key to deal with a selfish man or a controlling boyfriend.
Throw in the towel. You’ve spent all your time and energy trying to change things…yet he refuses to do his half of the work.
Relationships aren’t a one way street.
BOTH parties must contribute. If you can’t honestly and openly discuss your relationship issues and work together to solve them, find someone with whom you can.
He’s scared, and unable to connect with you(or anyone woman) in a normal way.
He has issues, but he is clever and forces things back on you with his controlling behavior.
Making it look as if it’s always your fault.
He keeps you off balanced so you never discover his problems(whether they are real or imagined problems).
This man’s controlling behavior towards you is a way of him feeling powerful.
To bring you down, not acknowledge you, ignore you, deny memory of things.
So if you know this is a process he uses to to dominate you, then you can rest a little emotionally.
You don’t have to try so hard to figure out what did you do wrong, or how you can communicate better.
It is not your fault. He doesn’t want you to have equal communication or status.
That would make him feel powerless deep down inside.
This is far from normal, so you can not use normal reasoning with this type of problem.
And TRUST me…he knows everything you have done.
You’ve tried to talk to him…trying to look better for him…going out of your way to make his life easier… he knows.
Yet, He still purposely denies you, trivializes you, or invalidates you consciously, lies to you, and pretends to forget everything you’ve done.
This fuels his distorted power, and gives him a sense of control.
This is needed for him to feel normal in his closed, non-normal reality.
You’ll never get the attention, sex, or emotional closeness you need, because he is unable to give it to you.
He shuts down to protect himself. He will flirt or make comparisons, and that is just the abuse rearing its ugly head.
He needs to keep you on egg shells, so you never figure him out.
He has deep fears and insecurities from his childhood or traumas, and created his own little sick self-centered reality without you, to protect himself and these are signs of a controlling boyfriend.
The only true way to fix this would be for him to get counseling on how to overcome all his deep seeded fear or insecurities from his childhood or trauma in his life.
He has to learn new ways to cope with stress and fear.
He has to learn that relationships only work when both sides are willing to put in work.
And most importantly? He has to desire to change.
Then you may have a chance all you need to do is try and support him. But since you’re reading this guide, chances are after trying everything he is still the same.
Everything that has happened in his life, all his past experiences have led him into the man he is today.
If you know some of that history, you will understand why he the way he is.
It is good you made a choice for peace and have been trying to rebuild the relationship (by getting this course).
If you leave and then he tries to change, see if he will follow through, stay separated while he gets the help.
Usually it is short lived, because the amount of work he will need to change is not easy.
By the way, you will have leverage with him when you are separated, because if he cares to get back together, and shows desire to stop controlling you then he will go to get help.
So don’t take that leverage for granted. You would benefit by getting a book on emotional abuse, to understand why a person uses this type of extreme behavior to feel in control.
Check this one out:
The Emotionally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans.
You’ll learn how he needs to manipulate you and why it has nothing to do with you.
In the future, the knowledge in this book will also be helpful showing you specific ways to deal with a selfish man in relationship.
How to deal with emotional abuse, the different levels of abuse, and how to spot and avoid other abusive men coming into your life.
You matter! You are a woman who deserves warmth and caring and true intimacy.
So please keep trusting your own reality, it is real, his is distorted on purpose. He does it all on purpose to feel in control.
Great job in having the courage to step up and protect yourself, and care about yourself.
There is only one you. You were wonderfully made by God for amazing things, and you should be able to smell the roses and feel the sun rays of passion in your life.
You have one life. This is it.
Another thing. I would to find out why you were attracted to him, and why you stayed so long with him.
He may have felt familiar in some way to you and in that time you too might have not observed his signs of being a controlling boyfriend in future.
Was there someone in your family growing up who was distant, quiet, or withholding of emotions and affections?
If that was the case, that means you will need to work through those tainted family relationships.
Before I stop, Again, you are wonderful, and courageous.
Keep being courageous and an action taker!
Lastly, this relationship has probably drained every ounce of your self esteem, every drop of your worn self worth, and has halted many other areas in your life.
So next thing is you must start to reconnect with the real you, and believe in your reality of what you need, like and want.
Learn to be independent and do everything that you love doing. It’s okay to be different than what he thinks you should be.
He won’t like your being independent more, that is threatening.
But you need to be healthy, emotionally, and physically, and spiritually.
He is going to do what he does anyway. So be yourself. Think about you more, and what you want out of life.
Set new goals for yourself. If you limited outside friends and family, start by reconnecting with them.
Even if that means moving back to your home town.
He will be who he is anyway, you be you.
It is never easy to move on to get what one wants, but it’s absolutely necessary because if you don’t suffer the pain of moving on now, 5, 10, 20 years from now you’ll still be in the same boat.
What a waste of a good chunk of your life.
Time that could have been spent with an amazing man who will give you the life you want.
The pain of a broken heart takes it toll and it will take time to get over it.
But to add more years to an unhappy life is the ultimate tragedy.
Please love yourself enough to move on. But guess what?
After the pain of leaving, there IS a guy out there waiting and anxious to fill you with the affection, love and attention you deserve.
There’s a man out there who’ll never try to control you and he is just begging to adore and clench a beautiful woman like you in his arms.
A man who’s absolutely compatible and aligned with YOU.
You won’t find him overnight. You won’t find him this month. Maybe not even in the next few years. But you WILL find him. He IS out there.
So you must decide if you want to remain here in this deep dark pit of depressing neglection… hoping he will eventually come around.
Watching other couples around you happy and hot for each other, while you struggle with a narcissistic unloving man who will drive you to the grave with him… a gray grave of dried up soul-less love and passion.
This is your life. Decide now. Don’t wait. Make a decision to change today. To your amazing success, I hope you got at least one relationship changing golden nugget.
I will stop here. If you loved reading this guide on signs of a controlling boyfriend and if you really loved it you’ll also love this powerful video presentation here.
My name is Manish Yadav and I’m the owner of the blog "Love Finds its Way". My advice does away with the manipulations and mind games recommended by magazines and the surface level advice of TV gurus… We’ll dive DEEP into the psychology and biology of desire and give you actionable steps you can use today. Over 900,000 men & women have transformed their relationships as a result, and I've been featured in Lifehack, Return of Kings, Menimprovement, Urban Dater, and so on... ...and no... We're not here to play games so you can manipulate your significant other... ...My only intention is to help you and your partner have a healthy and loving relationship by working on your intimacy with each other. And we’re just getting started!