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How can you read his mind? Can you ever know what he is doing, let alone thinking? Is he lying? Men can be confusing… especially when it comes to relationships. Why men withdraw after intimacy in a relationship?
Relationships are hard and can get confusing at times.
It’s hard not to read into what your man is doing and try and know what he is thinking every second of every day… but you can’t fully know what he’s thinking!
One of the times you really wish you could do this is when men begin to withdraw from a relationship.
As much as you want to know the reason why men withdraw from relationships, it’s impossible to fully know.
When things start to feel “off” and it seems like the guy you’ve been seeing is becoming less interested in the relationship you both have, it’s hard not to panic.
It’s usually hardest when you don’t know how to handle it, because all you want to do is fix it.
The problem here is that guys can begin to withdraw from a relationship for so many reasons.
It can be hard at first when you are worried and just want him to stop.
Here is a pro-tip – Rather than getting frustrated, It is a good idea to take a minute and try and figure out why he is suddenly pulling back.
This way you can respond to the situation in the best possible way.
There is such a wide range of ways that you can respond to him, and so I made sure to list out some of the most common but crucial reasons why you tend to see a man start to withdraw from a relationship.
By the end of this article you may have a better idea as to what he’s doing, and what you should do to help him come back to you in no time!
One of the driving forces in any relationship with a significant others is, you guessed it, sex.
Especially when it comes to men it is important for your relationship to have sex that you both enjoy. That’s how men think about sex.
If you’ve been noticing that the two of you aren’t as passionate or present in the bedroom then it may be time to consider that this is why your man is withdrawing from you a little bit.
This can make being intimate with your significant other feel more obligatory than enjoyable.
If it feels as though you both just run through motions and you aren’t connecting it can be frustrating for you and in the long run make you feel more and more indifferent about having sex with them at all.
If you two are having sex and he just seems focused on himself then it can leave you feeling a little empty.
When you and your man are really connecting you should feel some level of passion and intimacy there.
A big problem here is when he stops caring if you are enjoying yourself.
He clearly is trying to get off and doesn’t care if you get yours so to speak.
This can be frustrating, and often time women don’t know how to approach the situation.
It may be a good idea if he is beginning to withdraw from you not to bring it up.
If sex is one of the things you still have in the relationship that he sees as something positive and good feeling, then the best thing is to reinforce that and build sexual tension with your man.
Do something spontaneous or that you know he loves.
Maybe break out something extra special to get him all riled up! You never know, he may just need to be reminded why he was so passionate about you in the first place.
This article gives insight into the reasons, and this is an honest approach.
The only way to get anywhere with relationships begins with… honesty. Be honest with yourself and you will see a dramatic improvement.
One thing that drives anyone crazy, not just men, is when you are constantly being told what you do wrong.
Nobody wants to be nagged constantly, that’s no fun.
Every now and then it’s important to talk to your significant other if something is genuinely bothering you so that you two can work on and fix the problem at hand.
However, if every time you see him you are nagging and frustrated with him then he’s going to start to expect that.
All you are doing in reinforcing that negative energy and teaching him that it’s more enjoyable to just not be around you at all.
If you are being passive aggressive a lot and not explaining to him what’s wrong, then he will get more and more frustrated and withdraw from you.
The best thing you can do is start choosing your battles.
If he does some little things here and there that are annoying, learn to accept some of those things.
I’m sure you do some things that he isn’t necessarily overjoyed with.
If something he is doing is genuinely upsetting you, then you should sit him down and have a constructive conversation with him about it.
Give him a chance to voice his opinions, because he may do what he’s doing for a very valid reason.
Make sure that these confrontations are only happening when there is a real issue to discuss, and something worth discussing.
If every time you two hang out and you are upset, it could be an indication that he just isn’t the best fit for you and it may be time to move on.
If the confrontations continue and you both get more and more frustrated with each other, then things could just get even worst.
Often time continuous problems like this can manifest into arguments.
These arguments are much more than passive aggressive behavior.
Arguments that consist of raising your voices and saying hurtful things shouldn’t become a common occurrence in any healthy relationship.
Not only can this lead to the two of you genuinely hurting each other past the point of fixing the problems at hand, but these arguments are so draining!
If your relationship has taken a turn to the point of regular fighting then it may be time to take a step back.
Get a few days apart if possible and just have some time to think.
You need to figure out what the actual issue is and whether or not it’s something that the two of you can actually work through.
Fighting usually isn’t any actual constructive conversation because it is too emotionally charged for anything to actually be thought out and processed in the moment.
This is why when something is wrong it should be discussed in a healthy and mature conversation.
Once you begin disrespecting each other it’s all downhill, and there’s no wonder you feel like he’s pulling away!
Another problem a lot of relationships face is when there are always “problems”.
If every time the two of you spend time together there is suddenly a laundry list of problems that you both need to fix, then he is going to become exhausted!
Being passive aggressive is one thing but seeing every aspect of your relationship with this person as something being a problem, then why would they want to continue to be with you?
Would you want to be with someone that had an issue with so many parts of how you act around them?
This is almost like telling them that they aren’t good enough for you, and then they are going to feel useless.
In a healthy relationship you should build each other up and respect each other.
The occasional problem is normal and having a conversation about it is good because it allows him to alter his behavior to better respect you.
Relationships are about give and take. You can’t expect him to modify every behavior to fit your needs, then you just trying to change him into someone he’s not.
If you genuinely like this guy and chose to be in a relationship with him, then you need to respect who he is.
If this many things are a problem to you, then you need to consider why you got into a relationship with him in the first place.
It’s okay if you’re finding that he may not be what you want anymore but respect him enough to let him be himself and move on to someone who behaves the way you want a boyfriend to behave!
Usually in a relationship when things aren’t going the way someone wants, they often begin to blame themselves.
They wonder what they are or aren’t doing that is causing them to not be enough for this person.
There are so many times, however, when the issues have nothing to do with you.
For all you know you could be amazing in every way to a guy who is beginning to withdraw a little.
One of the reasons that many women forget to consider is that this guy just may be a little guarded.
Guys can have a hard time with emotions, and when they start becoming more and more attached to a girl they might begin to retreat.
This could be because he’s afraid he could get hurt down the road or that he just isn’t used to the feeling of intimacy.
If things began to get really good with a guy and now he suddenly is taking a little more space than before, don’t panic!
He may just need a little time to process things and figure out what he wants and needs (remember he’s human too).
The most important thing you can do at this time is to give him the space he needs.
I know it will be hard. When he begins to recede it may make you want to get closer with him because you are worried that he won’t come back.
Becoming clingy will only drive him further away, so take a little time yourself to have some space.
When he does come back don’t pressure him and remind him that you’re a safe space and just enjoy each other’s company.
This next reason is so frustrating but also true.
Many times, we meet a guy that we think is great. He’s funny, charming, and handsome.
But no matter how great you think he is, or how great he finds you, if he isn’t in a place where he wants to settle into a committed relationship then nothing that you do can change his mind.
This can be for a variety of reasons.
He may have a life that doesn’t suite a relationship at the time, he could have recently gotten out of a long term relationship, or he may just genuinely not want one.
Whatever the reason is you need to accept that this guy isn’t looking for a relationship and if you are it may be a good idea to find a guy who’s on the same page as you.
If you are seeing a guy and he hasn’t made any moves to try and move you two into a more committed place then you should talk to him.
Given that you have been seeing him for a good amount of time it may be a good idea to ask him if he cares if you see other people or not.
Guys are usually pretty straightforward when you ask them things, so pay attention.
If he responds in any way that feels like he isn’t looking to commit then he probably isn’t.
If you are okay with things the way they are then be okay with it, but if you wish things would be more serious than the best thing you can do is move onto a guy who is ready
Another commonly confused reason men withdraw from a relationship is because he feels like he isn’t enough.
It’s really important for a guy to feel like he is able to make a girl happy and help take care of her.
It makes sense, because in the past the men were the protectors.
They Are wired to take care of us and if they feel like they can’t do this then then relationship will appear too daunting and they will retreat. This is both good and bad for you.
Good in a sense that it means he really cares about you and your happiness, but not so great if it means he leaves you.
Lucky for you there are ways that you can help show him that this problem is all in his head and that you’re perfectly happy with him the way things are.
If your man is a little worried about being enough for you this means he may just need some reassurance.
Make sure to express to him how he already is!
Thank him when he does even the smallest things for you, and leave no favor without being thanked.
It may seem a little excessive but if he knows how easy it can be to make you happy then it will boost his confidence and he can feel better about your relationship.
This is another situation where being too naggy will hurt your relationship and he may lose interest, because it will make him think again and again that he is not enough and you deserve someone who will make you happy.
Just take away the pressure and let him know just how happy you are already.
Often times, when we have a conflict with another person we forget that they have their own life.
A life that comes with complications and stressors just like yours and mine.
This is why there are so many times when an issue in a relationship has nothing to do with you or the relationship at all.
If he has a lot going on in his life he may not mean to withdraw from your relationship, but he naturally has less to give because other things are taking his time.
This is why it is so important to talk to him and see if there is anything going on.
Bonus if it’s something that you can help him through!
Some easy ways to tell if he may have a lot going on are maybe if he seems stressed out when you see him.
If he was simply disinterested he would probably appear nonchalant, but if a lot of things are taking his time then he may just seem tired and stressed out when you finally do see him.
Remember to try and avoid making any assumptions and to be patient.
How would you want him to handle it if you had a lot going on? How you support him if he does have a lot going on will say a lot about how your relationship will work in the future.
When a relationship begins feeling a little rocky we can sometimes start acting differently because we are afraid to see the relationship end.
This can cause us to become blind to issues that are actually pretty serious.
A big one that happens all the time is that a girl may tolerate a guy becoming more and more disrespectful.
If a guy knows he can get away with treating you poorly and chooses to do so over being a good boyfriend then it shows that he cares less than he did before.
And once a guy can treat you like this, he will only continue to lose respect for you because you aren’t showing him that you are of higher value and deserve the respect that he isn’t giving you.
Rather than complaining or becoming passive aggressive you need to stand your ground.
You shouldn’t be afraid to tell him that he is treating you poorly and that you won’t accept it.
If he doesn’t want to change and start treating you better, then it is time for you to be the one to step away.
This will force him to either get his act together, or you just got away from a guy that was treating you like crap anyways… there’s no downside!
Another reason he may be pulling back is because you two just don’t have fun like you used to.
Especially if you both live busy lives, he is going to need a fun place to relieve stress and let loose.
If hanging out together isn’t fun, he will go try and find that somewhere else.
He may not even be doing it intentionally, but simply because other offers he is getting sound a lot more enticing and fun.
This reason is easy to fix, go out and do something that you know you’ll both have fun doing!
What did you used to do to have fun together?
Go see one of your favorite bands perform, or watch a movie that always gets you both cracking up.
Try being a little spontaneous and do something new and exciting.
Whatever you do keep the mood light and stress free and show him that you know him and are someone he should have the most fun spending time with.
This next one may be a little painful to hear and I apologize, but you gotta hear it because it’s the truth.
Some men just don’t want to be tied to one woman.
Maybe for a while when you were still getting to know each other you were still new and fun for him to pursue.
Once he has settled into a routine with you it may not be what he wants, and he will start wanting to go elsewhere and meet new people. When this happens it sucks.
There’s really nothing you can do to change his mind either, because if you force him to stay then he may resent you for it later.
If you feel he is needing space and may want to see other people the best thing you can do is give him the freedom he needs.
Don’t let him have you and another girl, but don’t force him to stay either.
He may even change his mind once he knows that he is the one choosing to stay with you.
Have you ever been dating a guy and then shortly after you end things you see that they went back to their ex? It’s so painful, but it makes sense.
If the two of you started to date fairly soon after a past breakup then he may have moved onto you because he really was just trying to move on.
Another possibility is that the dynamic of your relationship just isn’t what he wanted and it took dating you for him to realize this.
Whatever the case try not to be too upset, and give him time to figure out what he wants.
When this happens it is sad. Know that there is nothing wrong with you and you’re still a great girl.
Dating is all about learning about yourself and connecting with different people.
We weren’t all meant to necessarily click perfectly with every person we date and if you just happen to be someone that helped him see that he missed his ex don’t take it personally.
Just try and accept it for what it is and know that there are so many different people you’ll meet in this life!
If he chooses to stay with you just be sure that he does choose you and love forward together.
If he chooses to go just hold your head high and when you’re ready get back out there.
Maybe the reason he’s withdrawing isn’t that he is going back to someone old, but perhaps onto someone new.
There could be someone that he’s been spending his time with that he may have some growing interest for.
This doesn’t mean that he has acted on those thoughts or feelings, but even being a little conflicted could leave him needing space from you to get clarity.
Unfortunately there isn’t a whole lot you can do to stop this from happening.
We don’t control other people and their behavior, but we can choose how we respond to it.
If he is receding and you believe that he is spending too much time with someone else you need to remain calm.
Don’t accuse him of anything or snoop around.
If you violate his trust or upset him it could just drive him further away from you and closer to them.
Just be patient and if the behavior continues you should talk to him.
You never really know what is going on.
If he continues to avoid spending time with you then you may consider moving on anyways, because if he really cared about you he wouldn’t have been thinking about another girl besides you.
And you deserve someone who is only interested in you.
Although we discussed him being distracted by a new girl it may not be true. He may really just be busy or distracted.
If things seem off, however, then there is a chance that something really is off.
If you’ve begun to think there is someone else, those suspicions may become even worse if he begins cheating.
There are some behaviors that even the worst guy can’t avoid showing.
When someone cheats they have to completely lie about so many things they are thinking, doing, and feeling.
If you and this guy have been together long enough then you most likely can tell when his behavior is off.
And when a guy lie and cheats, it will really be off!
Don’t let anything small go to your head, but if there are somethings happening that just really make no sense at all then you should ask him about it.
Again, don’t accuse him of anything but ask him what’s going on with his behavior.
If he has any respect for you he will tell you the truth.
If you really don’t trust his responses and think something is going on then it may be a good idea to take a break from him.
His behavior alone causing you so much doubt is not how he should be acting in a healthy relationship anyways.
There may be other things a guy wouldn’t want his girlfriend or wife to know about other than another girl.
And those things might not even be bad!
Humans like some degree of privacy, and maybe he wants to do something that he knows you may feel weird about or would not like too much.
It could be something as ridiculous as taking yoga classes and doesn’t want you thinking he’s too girly (yes i have experience that personally).
The important thing here is that if there is some part of his life that he isn’t sharing with you, then he may not trust you as much as he should.
And trust is so important in a relationship.
The only thing that you can do here is to make sure he feels as though he can trust you.
You should push him to do things that he wants to do and try new things.
If you think it is something that will upset you, you should still make him feel as though he can come to you and tell you this rather than hiding it.
If he does come to you and share with you, try and be supportive.
Unless what he is doing is something terrible that you can’t get past, then you should both be able to talk about it and even compromise.
But no secrets are good in a relationship!
It is possible that while you have been analyzing your relationship and finding out what he is doing and why, you may have neglected to consider yourself as a part of the equation.
Maybe as you have both been together you have simply grown into different people.
Like I said before, we go through relationships and we learn a lot about ourselves.
Sometimes throughout the course of a relationship we just grow into a different person, and no longer get along well with our partner.
It a natural part of life and it doesn’t mean that anything is wrong with either of you
For the last time, I’ll stress here that you should talk to him and ask him what’s going on.
If he has concerns that you’ve changed and are acting differently then maybe he’s right.
It may be good if the person you are changing into isn’t necessarily who you like or want to be.
If it is, however, and he doesn’t like it too much then don’t compromise yourself.
Just know that your time together may just have come to an end and you have outgrown each other.
It’s sad, but it is just a part of life and there’s not much you can do but appreciate all that you gave to each other.
I hope you enjoyed reading this article on why men withdraw after intimacy in relationships.
My name is Manish Yadav and I’m the owner of the blog "Love Finds its Way". My advice does away with the manipulations and mind games recommended by magazines and the surface level advice of TV gurus… We’ll dive DEEP into the psychology and biology of desire and give you actionable steps you can use today. Over 900,000 men & women have transformed their relationships as a result, and I've been featured in Lifehack, Return of Kings, Menimprovement, Urban Dater, and so on... ...and no... We're not here to play games so you can manipulate your significant other... ...My only intention is to help you and your partner have a healthy and loving relationship by working on your intimacy with each other. And we’re just getting started!