Do you want to learn how to cure her fear of intimacy and bring her orgasmic chills and satisfy her sexually every time you sleep with her?
If you wonder why she’s more like a scared cat than sex kitten, the answer is simple, women have their fear of intimacy issues, which more often than not stop them from fully enjoying the sex act, which is the number one setback when it comes to climaxing.
If I were to ask all women to raise their hands if they’d shied away from committing to sex at least once because they felt self-conscious, I’d have more than half hands swinging in the air.
Whether their uncomfortable showing off their down below bits, taking the lead or just trying something new, it doesn’t matter.
What it does matter is that you can help her break this unfortunate cycle of fear of intimacy.
Help her amp her daredevil levels and you’ll both rip the rewards, both between the sheets and out of bed.
Here, a few purr-worthy tips to send her O-dometer into overdrive. No theatrics, awkwardness or creepy sex toys included.
All I request you is to read this guide on how to cure your woman's fear of intimacy and have her coming back for more and more.
Her fear of intimacy #1: Not Relaxing during oral sex
Worrying how she looks, smells and tastes when you head south can kill her libido.
Fast. In fact, a study of 2000 women found that the more comfortable a woman is with her vagina, the more sexually satisfied she is.
Teach her some water tricks to help her overcome fear of intimacy issue.
First, have her drink lots of H2O; it flushes out toxins that can create strange tastes and smells down there.
Then take a bedtime bath together- hot water brings blood to her skin’s surface, making her extra sensitive to your touch.
Finally, ease her into it. Kiss and lick her stomach, thighs and vagina slowly, with one condition: you can’t spend more than three seconds on any area.
After one minute of delicious torture, she’ll be addicted to you and will beg for more.
Now that she’s becoming more confident, you can take things a step further.
While licking her down there giving her oral sex, slightly tilt your head and look her right in the eyes, to show her how much you’re enjoying the desert she’s offering you.
That's what women want in bed during lovemaking.
Trust me she’ll love the visual thrill and the directness will heighten her senses.
This newfound confidence that you’re giving her will help her become more expressive in bed, which is definite good news.
In fact, studies show that women who are open with their partners when it comes to sex, report that not only there fear of intimacy is vanished but they also climax more regularly than those who don’t.
Her fear of intimacy #2: Getting naked
If she has a freak-out when her clothes come off, it’s easily fixed.
First, don’t point out her physical flaws because:
a) it just trains her to notice them even more and
b) worrying distracts her from having a good time.
Secondly, try to help her concentrate on the physical sensations- your hands running over her breasts or stomach- not what’s going on in that pretty little head of hers.
“There’s really no need for a woman to feel anxious”, promises Ian Kerner, author of She Comes First.
“During sex, men are biologically programmed to tune out a woman’s physical flaws.
While aroused they experience a boost in the hormone dopamine, which acts as a screening agent- it makes them view a woman’s imperfections as positive traits".
Pro-tip - Lie sideways, with her facing away from you, lift her upper leg and enter her from behind.
Sideways spooning lets you caress her all over- but from behind, and thus she doesn’t feel too exposed.
You can feel, but not see, her breasts, belly and clit, which lets her focus on her pleasure, not her so-called flaws.
Tried that and now she’s feeling more powerful?
Attempt a bolder move. Have her climb on top, facing forward, and straddle you.
Then have her lean back with her arms resting on your shins.
Her stomach appears flatter from this angle and her boobs perkier.
If she’d rather not go full-frontal, pull your shoulders towards her so you’re both sitting upright, with your legs wrapped around each other and your tummies pressed together.
This sex position is very intimate, since your faces will be touching and you can hug, which we’ll help her truly relax and let go of her fears.
Her fear of intimacy #3: Giving you control
Letting you spoil her in bed can be hard because women are often taught to put their own needs last.
Plus, letting you make the sex moves puts her in a vulnerable position.
But if you take the driver’s seat, she can stop obsessing solely on helping you ejaculate and focus on her own orgasm.
Before she lets you take over completely, have her teach you what works for her.
Be careful with your ego though- don’t think that just because she requests some things, it means you haven’t been satisfying her so far.
Play the hot/cold game to make things more fun and interesting: tell her to give you free range over her body, with the only mention that she has to keep you clued in on what’s really turning her on by saying “hot” when you’re on the right track and “cold” if you’re not.
Or put your hand in hers and tell her to slowly trace circles with your fingers in the ways she likes to be touched.
Once you know what she likes, have her lie back and do your thing.
You’re in control now so prove it to her that you indeed have a better sense of how to please her.
Once she’s comfortable enough, take a step forward and completely take over by blindfolding her.
Restricting her sight during sex is hugely exciting because when she doesn’t know that’s going to happen, her nerve endings stand to attention, which makes your touch extra intense.
It also forces her to rely on her other senses, which will work overtime to compensate- especially taste and touch.
Her fear of intimacy #4: She’s boring because she likes missionary
One of the great things about the good old man-on-top position is it’s so intimate- your faces are close enough to kiss, you can make continuous eye contact and the lengths of your bodies are pressed together.
But just because you’re the one setting the pace doesn’t mean you can’t help her shake it up so that it doesn’t feel so… traditional anymore.
Don’t be scared to add moves to make this oldie-but-goldie sizzle in a whole new way.
Try the CAT (Coital Alignment Technique). Once you’re inside her, move up so the base of your penis and pelvic bone are aligned to her clitoris.
Instead of thrusting, rock from side to side.
If you need to, place a pillow under her bum. She’ll get so hot and bothered you’ll have to peel her off the ceiling.
Once this is done and taken care of, take it up a notch by creating more G-spot-friendly leverage. How do you do that?
Bring her knees to her chest. If she’s feeling flexible, she can bend her legs, placing her feet on your chest.
Or have her put her legs flat on the bed, straighten them out and squeeze her thighs together for a deeper, tighter fit.
Her fear of intimacy #5: Initiating sex
This one sounds scary to every woman out there- “what if I get turned down?” she thinks- but, equally, role reversal can be a huge passion pusher for a woman.
“Men are used to taking sexual control, so it’s exciting for a woman when she is able to become confident enough to turn the tables”, says Yvonne K. Fulbright, author of Touch Me There!
“She gets her man really turned on when she takes control of her sexual needs, which in turn arouses her to a maximum and cures her fear of intimacy during sex and love making.
Another plus: calling the shots in bed can result in more confidence and assertiveness outside it.”
The good news is, she doesn’t have to pull anything overtly sexual to get your juices flowing.
To help her become more confident, pay attention to every little detail or clue that means she’ll love to do it, but doesn’t know how to tell you exactly.
If when she’s taking a shower, she leaves the door ajar, go in!
It’s clear that she wants you to see her wet, naked and fresh and get dirty on the spot.
Do this and see her fear of intimacy and sex walk away as if it never existed.
If she sends you a tad raunchier text, don’t wonder what’s going on with her, respond with the same kind of message, implying that you’ll love to follow her lead and accomplish all her desires.
As for confident, I’m in charge position, try this one: sit down, so that your back is against a wall, and have her lower herself on top of you, keeping her feet flat on the floor.
Have her rest her hands on the wall behind you and bounce on your shaft, alternating between shallow and deep thrusts.
Most of the nerve endings are at the entrance of her vagina, but lots of factors- G-spot stimulation, cervical pressure and clitoral contact- contribute to her reaching the big O.
Put your hands on either sides of her body and rock her up and down your penis, varying between shallow and deep movements.
You’ll hit all these zones, sending her sensations into overdrive. And she’ll still feel like she’s in control of everything, given the fact that she’s on top.
Having sex or making love? Give the latter a chance for easier, stronger orgasms.
The first step is related to the “something more” I mentioned in many of my past articles.
A woman’s orgasm is conditioned precisely by understanding this difference between sex and making love.
You might wonder why all the fuss, since in the end, if we go to the root of things, we’re indeed talking about the same thing: a sexual relation between a man and a woman and helping her forget her fear of intimacy while having sex with you.
Well, for a woman, making love is sex but with that something extra you sometimes overlook, on which her orgasm actually depends.
If your aim is indeed to satisfy her fully, it’s important to you know exactly what this difference refers to and what you have to bring to the table so that both of you go home satisfied.
Conversations about sex rarely involve the term “making love”, so it’s no wonder that most men can’t tell the difference between “sex” and “lovemaking”.
In fact, most men have never thought about the existence of such a difference.
The reason is simple. Men don’t romanticize sex as much as women do, and like to keep it simple, objective and practical.
In order to help you tell the two apart and know which one you’re doing and which one you should be doing, I’m going to help you read the clues correctly by properly defining the two terms.
First of all, you have to know there is no scientific definition of “making love”, like there is for “having sex”.
Some people use these terms interchangeably. For others, there’s a clear distinction between the two.
In my experience, “having sex” generally refers to the physical act- penetrative, oral or other kinds of sex.
You can have sex during a one-night stand, or in a long term relationship.
Making love though is more likely to occur in a long-term relationship. If you use that term with your partner, that implies there’s an emotional investment from both of you.
The difference is actually all about intention.
“Making love” is when you and your partner enjoy pleasure from your bodies with open, honest communication and there is absolutely no physical, mental, emotional or spiritual distress or disadvantage to anyone, both currently and in the future.
In making love there is a flow across the soul, mind, heart and body- the four levels of partner connection.
You send an intention to connect with your partner and trust that they are sending the same back to you.
Some people view having sex as “passionate”, and making love as more “limp-wristed”.
But the truth is the best sex occurs in a loving relationship.
You can definitely have good sex- even great- with a person you’re attracted to, but making love far surpasses it.
So when it comes to “just sex”, you are focused on your own pleasure and usually in a genital sense only.
To put it more bluntly: the difference between making love and having sex is actually all in the mind.
If you’re consumed with passion while also ensuring the other person is enjoying it, then that’s making love.
However, the simple fact that you’re in a long term relationship doesn’t mean that you’re making love all the time.
If during the deed you’re thinking, “Is that it?” or “At what time did the guys say we’re going out for beers?”, you’re not making love.
By that rationale, as you can see, it’s possible to have “just sex” in a long term relationship also. This usually happens when familiarity- not lust breeds consent.
To be honest there are a lot of things that you could ignore or consider when it comes to vanishing your woman's fear of intimacy in bed but for me these 5 things matter the most.
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