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After seeing so many couples having trouble in the bedroom (at a certain point of life), I decided to dedicate this article on the truth about female orgasms and why you’ve failed to satisfy her to this precise subject:
Maybe you’ve been in a relationship for a while, and the lack of sexual spark is starting to take its toll on you.
You want to please your girl or satisfy her sexually like in the good old days, but monotony or other psychological and emotional discrepancies stop you from achieving your goal?
You want to spice up your sex life, make it more exciting and full of sensual fire, but you’re clueless about where you should start your journey?
Most importantly, you want to satisfy your partner by giving her orgasms every Time?
Dude trust me. I am here to fulfill your wish.
So. . . if you are ready let’s begin.
There’s any numbers of reasons why couples are having unfulfilling bedroom time.
There is the medical case of the women that suffer painful sex from vaginismus (vaginal tightness) or Dyspareunia (uncomfortable intercourse due to medical or psychological causes).
But the main reason has to do with the waning of desire in time.
As we’re all aware, our desire for our partners fades the longer we spend with them.
This has to do with a hormone called limerence.
It makes us want to jump all over a new lover, but it only lasts between 6 and 24 months and that is also one reason why you do not please her sexually in bed.
As when limerence disappears, it’s gone for good and will only come back if we start dating someone new.
The arrival of babies, too, often puts an end to a couple’s lovemaking.
It’s due to the sex hormone Dhea. When you have children, it depletes in the body, which is nature’s way of telling you to look after your kids and to stop shagging your husband.
Dr. Janet Hall, clinical psychologist, sex therapist and author of Sex-life Solutions: Easy Solutions for Everyday Sexual Problems, says there’s a real problem, too, when sex becomes all quantity and limited quality.
“How do you equate a male orgasm in two minutes with the woman being left hanging fry?
You can be having all the sex you want, but if your partner is getting little pleasure from it, and feels used, disconnected, flat or empty, then you’re having bad sex. Period.”
If you’re not really sure whether the sex you’re having is bad or not for either you or your partner, all you need to do is ask yourself these questions:
1. Is there a power play going on between the both of you? Does she only agree to get intimate when she wants something done? If sex has become a bargaining chip, then you’re doing it for the wrong reasons.
2. Are you both sexually compatible? You may want light S & M every Tuesday while she may only want cuddles. All relationships have different expectations. But if there’s a true divide in sexual desire – you want it daily; she wants it every Christmas- things don’t look pretty well.
3. Have you become the “wife” she never had? Are you cooking, cleaning and putting all your energy into your wine collection? Then it sounds like neither of you are getting laid properly. Men become more sexually assertive when they’re in control, while women may feel more desire for a mate with new found machismo.
4. Do you avoid each other out of the bedroom, too? When the sex sours, invariably, the rest of the relationship does as well. Boost the romp tally and you’ll improve your relationship.
5. Got a wandering eye? Suddenly taken a fancy to that cute new marketing girl? Don’t panic if it’s nothing more than a platonic crush, but if you really desire to jump her bones, perhaps it’s a sign things aren’t that well between you and your partner.
The sex fears that stop you from fully committing to giving your partner an orgasm.
As you can see, a female’s ability to orgasm is strongly related to the quality of the sex you’re having.
And being a man you must know the truth about female orgasms and why you’ve failed to satisfy her.
You might think your bedroom encounters are not that bad, but there are things you’re not taking into consideration and these precise things are the ones that stop her from reaching the point of climax.
Of course, it’s all a matter of technique and learning the things she likes and the needs of her body, but before we can move on to those.
We have to go through another very important topic when it comes to the quality of the sex you two are having: your secret sex fears.
A man’s bedroom hang-ups are a lot like his embarrassing rallies: just because you never talk about them Doesn’t mean they Don’t exist.
“The idea that men don’t have any feelings about sex beyond wanting it is nuts”, says Lisa Firestone, co-author of Sex and Love in Intimate Relationships.
“Just as women can be as sexual as men, men can be as self-critical and worried as women.”
The problem is that if you guys aren’t always forthcoming about your emotions in general, you’re even less so where matters of the mattress are concerned.
You’d rather watch a Twilight marathon than share your sex fears with your partner, right?
It’s a pride thing and it’s completely normal.
You aren’t used to talking about stuff like that, whereas women constantly discuss their insecurities with their friends.
Fortunately, I’m here to offer advice on how to deal and find the truth about female orgasms and why you’ve failed to satisfy he .
But before that bit of a warning: these strategies are guaranteed to calm your anxieties… and whip your libido into frenzy.
“Uh-oh, this feels too good!”
Climaxing Too soon is a real worry for most men.
“When a man climaxes before he intends to, whether that’s after one minute or 15, it shakes his confidence and makes him feel out of control”, says Ian Kerner, author of Passionista: The Empowered Woman’s Guide to Pleasuring a Man.
That kind of pressure can ruin the moment.
When you’re struggling to restrain yourself, tensing your jaw, clenching your muscles and taking short, rapid breaths don’t really work.
Try switching to a position that gives less stimulation, like girl-on-top.
Or try a mini break and touch each other in sensual spots the erogenous zones, to keep your desire simmering without having it boil over.
“I have no clue how to make her climax”
Basically, if you’re unable to satisfy your woman, you’re bound to feel like less of a man.
The pride you take in your huge plasma TV is nothing compared to how much your sexual skills mean to you.
At the first sign of lack of satisfaction from your partner’s part, you start questioning your abilities as a lover.
You’re even more confused when you get mixed signals from her and you can’t really be sure if she did had an orgasm or she was in fact faking it.
To shake these bad feelings, pay attention to the way she reacts to what you’re doing- does her toes curl, does she sigh or moan, does she tell you how great something felt?
Also, encourage her to confide in you and admit when something wasn’t as pleasurable.
Or ask her to guide your way through.
When you know for sure what she likes and doesn’t like and how she behaves in either of the two situations mentioned above, you’ll be more likely to believe that she’s for real and you do make her come.
“my oral sex or eating pussy technique is a mess”
Worrying about what to do has probably never ruined your enthusiasm for oral sex, but it can distract you, especially if you approach the whole thing like a guessing game.
You really do want to give her all the pleasure she can handle, but in order to do that you have to relax and sink deeper into the experience.
Try this technique: as you’re going down on her, start by kissing her like you’d normally do when kissing her mouth; slowly, licking her all over, not just focusing on the clitoris.
From time to time, move your mouth away and touch her with your fingers for more variety.
Just like I mentioned above, Don’t limit yourself to just the clitoris or the inner lips.
If you take the time to arouse the whole genital area, she’ll be pulsing with excitement everywhere, and finishing her off will be a piece of cake.
“she’ll get dry if I take too long”
Most women start to become dry after a lengthy sex session even if they’re still turned on, especially when a condom is involved.
That’s why some genius invented water-based lubricant.
And incorporating this slippery stuff into your routine doesn’t just ease dryness, it increases sensation.
So, if wearing protection turns you into Captain Stamina, try this: before you get to intercourse, squirt a medium-sized dollop into your hand, and then rub your palms together to warm it up, and then stimulate her manually.
Whenever you feel she’s getting dry, stop the vaginal penetration and touch her like that, or do a little bit of oral.
This will get her juices flowing again and she’ll be able to last as long as it takes you to get to the finish line.
“what if she gets pregnant?”
As much as you love sex, you are hardwired to worry just a little about mistakes, especially if you don’t feel you’re ready to be a father.
Wipe out that fear by getting really serious about protection.
If condoms are your contraception of choice, be adamant about using them every single time.
“I am not big enough for her and that is why I cannot satisfy and please her in bed”
This thought is in the back of 39 percent of men’s minds.
In fact, one study found that men who said they had a bellow average penis were all in fact within the normal range (FYI, average is about 16 cm when erect).
If you want to feel more secure, go for positions that make her feel tighter, so you feel bigger.
Have her put her legs on your shoulders in missionary or try spooning, where you’re side by side and you enter her from behind.
“If I talk dirty to get her in the mood, she’ll think i’m a freak”
If you want to whisper smutty nothings into her ear while you’re making love, make sure you don’t sound like you’re auditioning for a porno.
Just by saying that you like what you’re seeing (women are self-conscious about how their body look during sex, so this compliment will be like honey to her ears),
Or revealing what you plan to do to her will be enough to ease her trepidation… and turn her on like crazy.
A less revealing way to find out what presses her buttons is to simply ask her about a sexual fantasy, or have her describe her all-time favorite sexy movie scene (trust me, she has one), and then tell her yours in return.
Have her go into detail by asking lots of questions.
The explanations of what turns her on will tell you what she likes and set boundaries for what she doesn’t.
And all that stimulating conversation may even inspire new amorous adventures.
# So how a woman’s orgasm can really be achieved.
So you’re in bed, things are starting to heat up between the two of you and soon enough you’re having sex.
You expect her to have an orgasm, but she Doesn’t.
You wonder why, since things seemed to work like a charm between the two of you. You were certainly aroused and finished beautifully.
The problem: vaginal penetration is not enough to stimulate a woman up to the point of having an orgasm.
This situation is alarmingly common. Actually, one in four women never achieves orgasm at all.
This is a scenario that women know only too well.
They need clitoral stimulation to come, and most guys jump straight to penetration after minutes of foreplay.
Guys still believe that sex is only about vaginal penetration.
There are times when a woman is feeling embarrassed, thinking that her body must be having a malfunction and that’s why she can’t orgasm through vaginal penetration.
The conclusion: they start feeling sorry for having to fake the whole thing, frustrated that their partners didn’t knew they weren’t fulfilled, but too shy to tell them about it.
“The problem is not that women aren’t hungry for sex”, says Nicole Daedone, author of Slow Sex:
The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm.
“The problem is they want and need a different kind of sex Than what’s Traditionally on The menu.”
In other words you need to learn the truth about female orgasms and why you’ve failed to please her.
John Aiken, relationship psychologist and author of Accidentally Single, agrees and completes the argument by saying that one of the main causes to sexual discontent is that the modern woman has become far more experienced, and it’s not willing to accept lukewarm sexual techniques any longer.
“It’s rare we marry virgins anymore, is it?” he proffers.
“Women have become far more liberated around the idea of sex; they want to enjoy sex, to explore that side of their lives.
They’re not willing to stay unhappy with their sex lives for long anymore.”
All women have been there: we’re on our way to O-land, but somehow we end up losing that lovin’ feeling.
When a woman stalls on her way to reaching an orgasm, there are two possible culprits.
One is mental: we let all sorts of thoughts get in the way and therefore we lose our focus.
The other is physical: the guy doesn’t really know what to do, meaning that he either changes positions or the pace too suddenly, or he doesn’t do enough to make sure she is aroused properly.
Of course it’s no fun when this happens, either for you or especially for her, but you should know that it’s not that out of the ordinary and it happens to most couples at some point.
Luckily, it’s also a very fixable problem. Phew!
So the next time you’re in bed, don’t let your partner veer dangerously off the orgasm track, use these tips to get her back on and reach the finish line together.
The average guy could spend the day inhaling KFC and still want sex when he gets home.
But if women eat too much- or feel bloated or have a “fat” or “ugly” day they often shut Down their sex Drive.
The reason? “Females have this notion that they don’t deserve sex unless they look and fell absolutely perfect, but that’s total crap”, says Cynthia Gentry, author of What Men Really Want in Bed.
Men often pick up on these feelings and are less inclined to ask for it, which only reinforces a woman’s thinking that she’s not sexually attractive.
The result is a lot less sex for everyone involved.
To top things off, women are much more prone to getting Distracted by little worries during sex than men are.
Outside the bedroom, this gives women a huge advantage over men, because they’re so much better at multitasking.
But in bed, it can be seriously detrimental.
“When was the last time I changed these sheets? Did I put the leftovers in the fridge?” and other niggling thoughts can through a woman’s body off course and make her miss her orgasm.
The first order of business is to take care of everything that might make her mind wander.
Turn off all mobile phones, play music to drown out a squeaky bed, or install pink bulbs in the bedroom (they cast an awesome glow and she won’t be wandering if she looks fat or if you are noticing her cellulite or not).
When you notice she’s getting distracted by something you can’t control, such as a car honking, try this simple move: talk! It refocuses her concentration.
Describe exactly what’s going on- how you feel inside her, how hot it is when she does xyz. It brings her back into the moment and heightens her sensations.
Another scenario might occur: you pull a switcher on her and she loses her orgasm, though she was on the brink of coming.
In a situation like that, it’s best to take a break.
Go to the bathroom, get a drink of water, whatever. That way, when you resume sex, you’re both starting fresh.
It doesn’t take much to get a guy excited.
If you spot a millimeter of skin between a woman’s top and jeans, you start thinking about what that woman would like naked… and presto, you’re in the mood.
Statistics show that most men think about sex throughout the day, so a guy is always open to associating things with sex.
By the time you get home, the sexual tension has been building for so long that you’re raring to go.
But females work differently.
Women think about sex when it’s time for sex, but they often don’t allow seemingly nonsexual things to trigger thoughts of that kind of pleasure.
Since women are not visual creatures, like men, you have to try to turn her on using the power of touch.
One of the sexiest sensations is a tingly touch on bare skin- and these moves will surely arouse her and enhance the probability of orgasm.
Lesson 3. Give her taste sensations.
Sip sparkling wine, then lick along her lips and neck, lingering on the sensitive slope between her lower lip and chin.
The alcohol tingles and then evaporates quickly for a sexy, skin-teasing effect.
For an even more intense sensation, take a mouthful of wine and pass it onto her while kissing.
Lesson 4. French-kiss her (slowly).
Pop a mint in your mouth. You’ll both get chills because the menthol will trigger the body’s cold receptors.
Take your time and kiss your way down her breasts. “Menthol’s effects last 20 minutes”, says Jay Wiseman, author of Tricks:
More Than 125 Ways to Make Good Sex Better. So you’ll have lots of time for frosty foreplay.
Climb on top of her, then lightly rake your fingernails over her breasts, circling her nipples gently, Tease her thin-skinned areas, like her wrists, as well.
The feeling is even more intense there, not to mention that the fact that they’re not usual sex spots will surprise and arouse her more.
The gentle scratching will awaken her primal side (yes, she has one as well!).
For a peppery head-to-toe turn-on, start with cinnamon-flavored lube that heats up when touched.
Massage her, rubbing the liquid in with your fingers.
Before you move on to intercourse to satisfy her sexually, turn on a fan or the air-con and watch her shiver with pleasure.
As you start to kiss her deeply, run your fingertips, lips or another body part along your partner’s spine. Tip: try a zigzag pattern.
“A straight line only activates nerves along your course”, says Susan Hubbs, author of Pamper Your Partner:
Thirty Days to a Romantic Relationship. “A random path surprises and will heighten the entire surrounding area.”
Make ice from sparkling mineral water, then rub her down with the cubes. The carbonation will leave slushy pockets in the ice, so one.
From the time they’re little boys, guys worship their package- they play with it, take extra care to protect it, and sometimes refer to it as if it were a person.
“The love affair men have with their genitalia actually helps them have better sex, because they know every inch of it and what touches and moves bring maximum pleasure”, says Yvonne K. Fulbright, author of Pleasuring: The Secrets to Sexual Satisfaction.
Women on the other hand, typically don’t have the same kind of self-love.
Most women focus only on the clitoris, and ignore other parts of their genitalia.
There are so many other spots that can be arousing, and it will enhance your sex life and the probability of an orgasm if you help her become familiar with them.
If you thought there were place in your pants that would bring you instant pleasure, would you ignore them? Uh, no. So help her reach the same kind of familiarity and self-love towards her genital area.
Have her lie down, massage her thighs into complete relaxation, and then spend some quality time exploring all those feel-good spots on her body.
Rub the area around her clitoris, stroke up and down the sides of her vulva, tug gently on her labia.
And don’t forget to go hunting for her g-spot: a coin-sized area located about eight centimeters up her inner vagina wall that becomes more prominent when she’s fully turned on.
To find it: once she’s aroused, curve your index finger and slide it inside her.
With the pad of your fingertip, feel around until you find an area that feels raised and spongy, and tap or rub it lightly to see if she enjoys the sensation.
While you’re doing all this, don’t forget to compliment her body through and through: the way it reacts in your hands, the way it feels at touch, the way it smells and the way it tastes.
Once she sees how much you adore her down there area, she’ll forget all her insecurities and fully commit to the pleasures her body is capable of giving her.
A man has sex as much as possible- solo or with a partner.
And there’s a biological reason why. men have more testosterone, which is one of the factors that makes them want sex more.
The good news is climaxing frequently can boost a female’s sex Drive so it’s more akin to a guy’s.
Having an orgasm and sexual satisfaction actually helps women produce testosterone, which will make them want sex more often.
This means that if you want her to want sex as much as you, you should be regularly bringing her to climax.
In order to do that, feel free to experiment and see what works for her.
Don’t be shy about trying different techniques to make her climax, either using your hands, mouth or penis.
One pleasure friendly position for fingering is to have her lie on her stomach with her legs together, while you slide your hand down between her legs, pressing your fingers against her clitoris and moving them in a circular motion.
It creates a tight friction that can do wonders.
Also try Doing it in Different places: test out her climax potential in the bath.
Have her lie on her back with her legs spread under the tap so that the water rushes down on her clitoris.
When she’s fully aroused, have her stand up and take her from behind. She’ll only need a few trysts to orgasm.
Think of her clitoris like your think of your penis.
They’re more similar than you think: both have about the same number of nerves, require stimulation to climax, and become engorged when aroused.
The difference is, the clitoris doesn’t need to be engorged for a woman to have sex- but for the best chance of a mind blowing orgasm, lavish her clitoris with attention before you do the deed.
Most penises grow to about twice their size when erect, and a woman’s clitoris swells too.
During foreplay, you’ll have to try different moves to see what gets her going.
Start with direct pressure and as it becomes engorged (and more sensitive), you may have to use a softer touch.
Once you feel it swelling, make a v with your index and middle fingers, place them on either side, and move them up and down.
When you reach the point where the slightest touch is enough to make her moan and send her over the edge, start having sex.
Blame it on urban myths, locker room stories or pornographic movies, the truth is there are certain things guys do in bed, absolutely convinced they work, that not only don’t arouse women up to the point of climax, they’re not in the least pleasurable.
Read and leave them behind you asap if you truly wish to understand the truth about female orgasms and why you’ve failed to satisfy her
a) Jackhammer sex. Nothing’s worse that a guy who pumps away robotically. Sure, sometimes we need consistency to help get there, but changing your rhythm and intensity is integral to good sex.
b) changing positions… a lot. Variety’s good- but not when it feels like we’re doing an aerobic class instead of having sex. Doing your best contortionist impression doesn’t help a woman sexually.
c) toe-sucking. For the majority of us, it’s plain gross. Even if our feet are spot-on clean and freshly pedicured, it’s still our feet we’re talking about. Not to mention that the most common reaction you’ll get to this is crazy laughter from all the tickling.
d) surprise backdoor play. Sure, we might find a finger up our bottom extremely arousing and satisfying, but not when it takes us by surprise. Be a gentleman and ask our opinion before going on to doing something so invasive and private.
So guys I will stop here. I believe you truly admired reading this marathon guide on the truth about female orgasms and why you’ve failed to satisfy her.
Now before you take your leave, I request you to watch this amazing video below to make your woman sexually and emotionally obsessed with you.
My name is Manish Yadav and I’m the owner of the blog "Love Finds its Way". My advice does away with the manipulations and mind games recommended by magazines and the surface level advice of TV gurus… We’ll dive DEEP into the psychology and biology of desire and give you actionable steps you can use today. Over 900,000 men & women have transformed their relationships as a result, and I've been featured in Lifehack, Return of Kings, Menimprovement, Urban Dater, and so on... ...and no... We're not here to play games so you can manipulate your significant other... ...My only intention is to help you and your partner have a healthy and loving relationship by working on your intimacy with each other. And we’re just getting started!