What is BDSM? What does BDSM mean? Many people wonder thinking about what this terminology is and what does BDSM stands for?
Well for those of you who don't know what is BDSM and what does BDSM mean - it's Bondage Domination Submission and Masochism.
Before we get DEEP into the concept of BDSM I want to give you some sexy and dirty talking lines to set up the tone for this amazing guide.
Read them below you'll just love it:
Note: You can use these lines whenever you happen try BDSM in your relationship.
The silk scarf tied around my wrists was cutting into my skin. The blindfold shut out every bit of light, and yet I still had my eyes closed behind it.
A sudden sharp pinch of my left nipple made me yelp in delicious pain.
“Shhhh, Sweet Heart. You aren’t allowed to make noise. Do it again and I will spank you!” he said.
I thought about defying him...just to relish the smack of his hand against my ass.
But before I could open my mouth to tempt fate, I felt the tickle of a feather running up my inner thigh and then his mouth met mine in a passionate kiss.
He stopped suddenly and pulled away.
I felt lost for a second not knowing where he’d gone. But this was part of the game. Stopping and starting. Hard and soft. Pain and pleasure.
My senses were on the highest alert not knowing which way he was going to pleasure me next.
He knew I was anxious and he reassured me. “I love watching you so turned on and seduced and wanting me. Nod your head yes if you want me right now.”
I wanted to be cool but I nodded my head vigorously. I couldn’t see it, but I swear I could hear his smile widen.
“Now before I fuck you, I want you to spread your legs as wide as you can for me. And hold them there until I tell you that you can move” I obeyed.I felt completely exposed. Tied to the bed. Naked with my legs as wide as I could make them. Totally vulnerable. I was a little scared...but I did it anyway.
Which absolutely thrilled me.Awesome isn't it. . .that's what is BDSM. In other words that's what is BDSM sex in reality.
BDSM is the practice of using role-playing, props, toys, and specific activities to build sexual tension and then enjoy the sexual release.
The heart of most BDSM partnerships is one partner identifying as the dominant and the other partner as the submissive.
Although the roles can flip flop, and really, there are no “rules” to it – each partnership can determine what exactly BDSM means to them.
BDSM includes a wide spectrum of participants.
There are couples who just dabble in it as a fun addition to their otherwise vanilla sex lives, like maybe using some restraints or blindfolds occasionally.
There are some people who must have some manner of BDSM present in order for them to perform sexually, so they use it every time they have sex.
And on the furthest end of the spectrum are people who live a BDSM lifestyle 24/7 where the dominant rules over every aspect of daily life for their sub.
One of the things about BDSM that is highly misunderstood is that many people think it’s a form of humiliation or it’s only about pain as pleasure. But that's what BDSM is.
What shocks a lot of folks is that BDSM is really about honesty and trust more than anything.
Sex is just the medium used to build the honesty and trust.
Where honesty and trust come into play is that the number one priority of the dominant partner is the submissive’s safety.
The use of safe words as well as hard and soft limits on activities is critical.
The submissive has to have complete trust in the dominant partner to honor the limits and maintain safety.
It’s sort of like a trust fall or ropes course. . . except you are naked and the ropes are used to tie you up 😉
So, Unless you’ve been living under a rock the last few years you have heard of the 50 Shades trilogy (now being made into a movie).
The series tells the story of an innocent young woman who falls in love with and marries a handsome, wealthy, and kinky man who introduces her to the pleasures of BDSM.
Now, I won’t weigh in on the merits of the books other than to say it has given a wide audience of couple a peek into a fun and highly misunderstood kink/fetish.
And to me, it is always a plus when some type of creative work influences people to explore their sexuality in new ways.
According to an article in Huffington Post, sales of BDSM related toys and accessories have skyrocketed over the last three years. Woohoo!
The acronym BDSM is more complex than you might realize. It stands for:
B/D - Bondage and Discipline. This includes restraints (being tied up), spanking, and punishment.
D/S - Domination and Submission. One person controls the actions of the other sexually (or beyond).
Now the FUN part Why BDSM is so popular in sex lives of many couples?
Many men and women yearn to be dominated? That is what is BDSM - Pleasure mix with sexual dominance.
This is a complex question, and the answers are as unique as the person giving them.
I can only answer from my own personal perspective.
I am a man who has enjoyed a busy and thriving career. I make decisions. I get shit done in the world.
I am all about gender equality. I have opinions. In every arena of my life, I am comfortable taking charge. And the one place I absolutely love to relinquish all control is in the bedroom.
To have trust with my partner where I know she is safe with me yet will delight in pushing her right to the edge of her comfort zone is something I crave.
It’s thrilling and exhilarating. And it’s FUN. And that's what does BDSM mean and stands for.
I don’t always have to role-play in this manner, and not every woman I’ve been involved with has been into it. . . so I’m much more of a hobbyist than anything.
And I definitely enjoy taking the reins once in awhile and being the aggressor with my woman.
I was first introduced to the idea of BDSM several years ago before getting married to my amazing wife when I met a woman deeply involved in the BDSM lifestyle.
If you’ve been curious about dabbling in a little BDSM but haven’t known how to get started, this technique is for you!
#Step One: Determine boundaries
Decide what activities on that list turn you on and that you’d like to try. Some common ones associated with BDSM are:
1. Spanking or paddling with hands, whips, paddles, crops
2. Blindfolding
3. Restraining hands, feet, or both
4. Using a ball-gag (making sure breathing is not obstructed) or just ordering silence
5. Voyeurism
6. Sex with a dom/sub twist – one partner must submit to the other’s every command
Next, you do need to talk to your partner about it.
It may feel anything but spontaneous to discuss it ahead of time, but if this is something new, it’s important to talk it through before you act.
Decide what your limits are and how you will indicate that you want to stop an activity with a safe word or hand signal.
Mutual consent is absolutely necessary!
If you are nervous about bringing up the subject, you can combine steps one and two.
Grab your laptop or tablet and tell your partner you want him or her to look at a website with you.
He may call you his Pet, too..
Questions that you can ask to get the conversation flowing in BDSM sex.
What have you always fantasized about trying?
Does the idea of inflicting or receiving pain with pleasure turn you on?
Would you want to play with being my “master” and I become your sex slave?
#Step Two: Shop for accessories
You can shop together or you can do this step on your own.
I’ve found shopping together really opens up the dialogue and creates fun anticipation.
Take a trip to a sex store. I like going in person so I can see the merchandise and comparison shop.
The sales staff at most stores are usually very helpful in making recommendations.
In India we have very little to no sex stores but I know a place where I get almost every thing that I need to try BDSM sex once in a while with my wife.
If you don’t have easy access to a brick and mortar store, hop online.
Amazon.com has a ton of great props, toys, and accessories with honest reviews from customers.
You can also check out Toys in Babeland or Adam and Eve. There is even a line of 50 Shades products on the market now!
Items to look for and experiment with:
#1. Whips, riding crops, paddles
#2. Feathers (usually attached to sticks - they look like cat toys, lol!)
#3. Nipple or genital clamps
#4. Cock rings that vibrate
#5. Restraints and blindfolds
#6. Vibrators
#7. Anal beads and butt plugs
You may have several items already at home:
#8. Long silk scarves or regular neck ties make great restraints and blindfolds
#9. Ice cubes and melted candle wax on the skin give interesting sensations
#10. Whipped cream, honey, or chocolate sauce can be drizzled and licked off various body parts
#11. Chill a thick necklace chain in the fridge for an hour and use it to drag over various body parts.
Anything that turns you on is fair game. And you don’t need to spend a ton of money and outfit your own “red room of pain” in order to have fun with BDSM.
One or two props or toys, your seducing words, and your imagination are really all you need!
#Step Three: Play time!
Set aside some alone time when you won’t have to watch the clock and won’t be disturbed.
Making a special night of it is fun. Going to a hotel room for the night opens up tons of role-playing possibilities.
You can be elaborate and do something spicy like. . .
Pretend you are strangers who meet in a hotel bar. Have a drink and make small talk. Then slip this sexy stranger your room key.
Role-play that you order up an in-room massage where the sexy masseuse delivers more than a rub-down from the spa menu.
Take advantage of a different environment and furniture.
Sometimes it’s easier to let go of worries or inhibitions when you are in unfamiliar surroundings.
And you can also try this out in the comfort of your own home. There isn’t a wrong way to experiment!
That what is BDSM. It just opens you up to a whole new world of sexual encounters and possibilities that you might have never imagined.
#Step Four: Using words
The sky is the limit when it comes to dialogue – anything and everything goes!
If you are role-playing a specific scene, adopting characters and talking like them is natural.
For example, to really get into the dom/sub role-play of master and slave, act like he has complete dominion over you.
Call him master. Talk to him as if he carries ultimate authority over you and vice versa.
Yes, my master.
Please, master.
As you wish, my king.
Yes, sir.
In my example above, My wife was forbidden to speak, and I was the one making commands.
It was as simple as I was telling her what I wanted to do, how to move, and describing what she was about to receive since she was blindfolded.
If you do use a blindfold, your voice (alternating with silence) plays a big role.
Keeping your partner off guard by not talking and just acting adds an element of new sex move and surprise.
Asking your partner to describe in detail what is about to take place heightens the anticipation for you. . . if he or she's blindfolded, telling them what you are about to do to their body will totally turn them on.
Using the play-by-play technique is always helpfulSaying out loud how something feels, how much you like it, if you want it harder, slower, longer, more. . . all of it works!
I’ve found that when engaging in BDSM as my wife sometimes dominates me where I feel more vulnerable as well as more naughty, it definitely brings out a raunchier side to my dirty talking skills.
So that what is BDSM for you. By now I believe you understood what does BDSM mean in sexual terminology.
Before I stop. I would give one last piece of advice. Always remember that sex is fun. And occasionally, really funny.
Trying out something new might not go totally perfect the first time, and that’s ok!
But trying BDSM lifestyle can be embarrassing a times so play it with caution and don't forget about the safety of your partner because at the end of the day your relationship matters the most.
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