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So ladies, today we'll discuss a very hot topic - turn-ons and turn-offs for men.
One of the great things about doing what I do is that I get to ask people all sorts of personal questions while having a legitimate excuse for it.
Relationships, sex, turn-ons, turn-offs, you name it, I’ve asked about it.
Sex, in particular, is one of those topics that’s rarely discussed outside of boozy social situations in which the truth gets stretched in direct proportion to how much alcohol has been drunk.
The gals of Sex and the City garnered such a following because they proved what men had all along suspected: when girls get together and the cosmopolitans start flowing, sex is the first item of discussion.
Despite all our stereotypes of men bragging about their sexual conquests in the locker rooms, women are the gender who talks about sex with their friends in the greatest detail.
Women are much more likely to discuss intimate sexual details that men would consider too private to talk about with anyone but one’s partner.
So, when it comes to getting men to talk frankly about sex, you have to have the ability to keep things vague.
Men don’t like discussing their own sexual performance for fear that they’ll be judged, but they’re more than willing to share tips that can help women become better sexual partners.
Although it was difficult to get some of them to be serious (sex, by its nature, is ripe for comedic innuendo), I did find out some useful and important tips.
So here, without further ado, are the top responses from my informal survey, in no particular order.
Give and take is an important part of any relationship, and the bedroom is no exception.
Men find it a big turn-off when a woman lies there passively.
Not only does he have to do all the work, but he also cannot gauge whether his sexual partner is actually into the act or not.
Kevin one of my email subscriber explains, “If she’s just lying there silent, I have no clue if she likes it or whether I should keep going, how close she is to coming, anything. That's one of the biggest turn-offs for me.
She could be asleep and I wouldn’t know it.” So don’t be afraid to show your enthusiasm through matching his movements with your own and getting vocal. He’ll appreciate the feedback!
It’s amazing how often “smell” came up in men’s responses.
Most women’s vaginas have a natural odor that men find pleasant, but when a woman hasn’t washed in a while, the odor can grow so strong as to be off-putting.
Terrence Howard made headlines back in 2007 when he claimed that a woman wasn’t clean if she just wiped herself with toilet paper after using the bathroom.
He told Elle magazine: “If they’re using dry paper, they aren’t washing all of themselves. It’s just unclean.
So if I go inside a woman’s house and see the toilet paper there, I’ll explain this.
And if she doesn’t make the adjustment to baby wipes, I’ll know she’s not completely clean.”
Although Howard’s demands are clearly excessive, he’s expressing a point that a lot of men agree with: if they’re going to have sex with a woman, they want to know that she’s clean.
Personal hygiene is crucial to a good sexual experience, but it doesn’t have to be difficult or complicated.
Simply make sure to take a shower before going out.
The vagina doesn’t need any special cleaning products, as it is naturally self-cleaning.
Simply rinse your genital area with warm water (detachable shower heads are great for this).
Scented beauty products like scented shampoo, scented body wash, or scented moisturizer can also ensure that you smell positively edible.
Once I read in an article, feminists who claim that hairless genitals are childlike and thus inappropriate.
On the other side, trendsetters who claim that having no hair improves the sexual experience), but being a man and lover myself I will recommend that trimming pubic hair be part of every woman’s personal grooming routine.
It seems strange that, if you were having sex with someone, you would NOT want him to see you in your birthday suit. “Naked” and “sex” go together almost by default.
But many women are embarrassed of the way their body looks naked.
They resort to a variety of techniques – turning off the lights, hiding under the sheets, wearing a t-shirt or bra – to keep their sex partner from seeing them in an unflattering light.
I’ll let Doug speak for all men when he says, “We want to see women naked. We don’t care about cellulite.
Why go to all the trouble to have sex in the first place if she won’t let you see her naked?”
Men don’t expect you to look like a supermodel.
In fact, if he’s slept with anyone before, he knows that a real woman’s body looks nothing like the images in magazines.
Would it surprise you to know that he prefers a real woman’s body over a supermodel’s any time?
“You can’t touch a picture,” Kevin explains. “A body that’s naked right there in front of you is infinitely preferable.” Enough said!
Carl, an Australian, talks about the time he first saw “native bush.” “It was growing up her legs,” he said, “like some impenetrable jungle.”
The experience was enough to turn Carl off completely, but not all men agree.
Pubic hair is one of those things that some men love and some men hate.
Most men find some pubic hair acceptable, as long as it’s been groomed.
However, thanks to the rising popularity of the Brazilian bikini wax, more and more men are expecting a completely hairless genital area from the women they sleep with.
Women do it for a number of reasons: to please their partner, to end intercourse sooner, or to hide the fact that they’ve never been able to come.
However, 100% of men hate the fact that women fake orgasms and consider it a betrayal.
Jeremy tells us, “If she was faking it just to make me happy, I’d want her to tell me. If I don’t know that she hasn’t actually come, then I won’t know I need to change things.”
He has a fair point. If a woman is covering up her inability to come through faking an orgasm, then she’s almost guaranteeing that she’ll continue having problems.
It takes a long time for a woman to achieve orgasm.
If she’s in the mood, it can happen quickly, but if she’s starting from a state of no sexual arousal, it can take twenty minutes or more.
Considering that most men can achieve orgasm two to five minutes after intercourse begins, that’s a huge disparity!
If a woman’s lover is a patient one, he’ll make sure that she comes before he does, but she still may feel pressure to come sooner.
You owe it to yourself to achieve orgasm every time you have intercourse, and faking it only cheats you out of your full sexual pleasure.
If you’re having problems achieving orgasm with your partner, try different positions that stimulate the clitoris more directly, or ask your partner to stimulate your clitoris manually or orally. And be patient!
#1. Initiating sex is one of the biggest turn-ons for men
Men love it when a woman initiates sex.
They get tired of always being the one to risk rejection, and they find it flattering when the tables are turned.
You as women tend to focus on how much you turn your men on, but you rarely think about showing him how much he turns you on!
Men need that positive feedback. One of my survey respondents explained that he was never sure if his girlfriend really wanted to have sex or was just agreeing to be nice.
Being the one who always asked for sex made him feel dirty.
So take the reins every so often. You don’t have to always be the one initiating sex, but you should make it a practice to “jump his bones” at least once in a while.
The rewards will be worth it. As you’ll soon find out, there’s no better way to turn him on than to take charge!
#2. Eye contact.
Do you prefer having sex with your eyes open or your eyes closed?
According to Dr. David Schnarch, author of Passionate Marriage, a minority of couples (15 to 30%) have sex with their eyes open, while half of couples can’t achieve orgasm unless their eyes are shut.
While keeping your eyes shut may help you “tune out” your partner and achieve orgasm more easily, Dr. Schnarch rightly points out that it decreases intimacy.
With your eyes closed, you could be fantasizing about anything – including, possibly, that you’re having sex with someone else.
Making regular eye contact during sex ramps up the intimacy and the intensity. “I love it when my girlfriend looks me deep in the eyes [when we’re having sex],” Josh tells us. “It just makes it that much better.”
So the next time you’re in the bedroom, try opening your eyes. It can take some getting used to, but it’s worth it.
#3. Body confidence.
Just as men are turned off by women who are afraid to let anyone see them in their birthday suits, so guys are turned on by women who appear free and comfortable being naked.
But body confidence is a tall order for most of us. Especially when we’re with a new guy who’s never seen us naked before, we can feel extremely self-conscious.
Every imperfection seems to be magnified by his gaze, and we have to fight the instinct to shut off the lights and jump under the covers!
But fight we must, because the last thing he wants is to be with a woman who’s ashamed of what she looks like.
“I know, if a woman is comfortable in her own skin, she’s going to be comfortable doing other things,” Doug explains.
Body confidence serves as a sign to men that her confidence will carry into the bedroom.
So much of sex is about the willingness to twist and contort the body into awkward positions, make funny faces or expressions, and let go of any self-consciousness.
If you’re hyper-aware of what your body looks like, or worried about looking silly, you won’t be able to let yourself go or participate fully.
So stop judging your body and start seeing it from a man’s perspective: as a temple of pleasure at which he’ll be more than happy to worship.
Part of confidence is the knowledge that messing up doesn’t make you a bad person.
Confident people can make fools of themselves and laugh it off, knowing that one mistake doesn’t make them a failure.
As a result, they’re much more willing to try anything, even if they’re not sure how to do it or how well it will work.
Men love that attitude.
To quote Samantha from Sex and the City, what men want are “try-sexuals” – women who are willing to try anything at least once.
Usually, the first time you try anything is awkward and slightly embarrassing, but that’s also half the fun.
It’s impossible to overemphasize just how important sexual variety is for men.
Men need to feel like they can try new things with their partner, and they need to feel that their partner is just as enthusiastic about trying new things as they are.
If you’re hesitant about trying anything new, ask yourself why.
Is it that you’re worried you’re going to look stupid? Is it that you feel like you have to get everything right?
Is it that you feel frustrated when things don’t work out or when you don’t understand how to do something?
Is it that you feel uncomfortable straying from tried and-true techniques?
Once you understand the reason behind your fears, you can address them.
I realize that this isn’t advice that most of us want to hear, but I had to include it because it was mentioned more than once by the guys I spoke to.
Guys would like you to stop being so squeamish about semen.
Sex is messy; there’s no way around it. And part of the reason for that mess is semen.
Semen is thick and sticky and gets everywhere. But to call it “gross” or “yucky” is going too far.
It’s an essential and normal part of sex, no different, in that sense, from your own natural lubrication.
Semen also plays an important role in male sexual fantasies, and nowhere is that more evident than porn.
One reason that porn appeals so much to men is that the women in these films seem to love the male organ and its seminal expulsion.
They don’t quickly clean themselves up afterwards or gag at the taste.
Now, you should never feel pressured to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable; however, if you treat his semen like something disgusting, you’re devaluing him and the sexual experience.
If you and your partner are in a monogamous relationship, swallowing semen won’t hurt you and it's really one of the biggest turn-ons for men.
Some joke that it’s a perfect fit for the Atkins diet, as it contains trace quantities of protein as well as fructose, ascorbic acid, and zinc.
A teaspoon of semen (roughly the amount he produces in one ejaculation) contains only 5 to 7 calories.
On the other hand, if you are not in a monogamous relationship, then safe sex practices apply.
You can get an STD from practicing oral sex without the protection of a condom.
Wait until you’re in a monogamous relationship where both of you have been tested before applying the advice above.
#6. Get Attitude.
As you can see from these responses, there’s clearly more to being sexually compatible and good in bed than just having a hot body.
Regardless of what you look like, how much cellulite you have, or how much your thighs wiggle, you can be a guy’s dream in the bedroom … as long as you have the right attitude.
Attitude truly is everything. Sexual women love their bodies, aren’t afraid to experiment, and bring lots of enthusiasm to the bedroom.
In many ways, the best way to turn him on is to show him how much he turns you on! So have fun, stay safe, and communicate.
I’ll bet your man would love to tell you his own personal turn-ons and turn-offs, but this time you’re the one who has to do the asking!
Before I stop I would love to share something.
My friend Felicity Keith leading dating and relationship expert has put together this in-depth, step-by-step instructional video that will teach you how to make your man sexually addicted to you and only you.
It contains a number of secret techniques that will make your man beg to be with you for life long.
If you're interested in learning these techniques to keep your man addicted and deeply devoted to you as well as having a lot more fun in the bedroom, then you may want to check out the video. You can watch it by clicking here.
My name is Manish Yadav and I’m the owner of the blog "Love Finds its Way". My advice does away with the manipulations and mind games recommended by magazines and the surface level advice of TV gurus… We’ll dive DEEP into the psychology and biology of desire and give you actionable steps you can use today. Over 900,000 men & women have transformed their relationships as a result, and I've been featured in Lifehack, Return of Kings, Menimprovement, Urban Dater, and so on... ...and no... We're not here to play games so you can manipulate your significant other... ...My only intention is to help you and your partner have a healthy and loving relationship by working on your intimacy with each other. And we’re just getting started!
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