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What do men want sexually from a woman? Most women believe that they already know what their man want sexually. . . and that’s a myth.
The biggest mistake a woman can make is denigrating how men think about sex and how important sex is to men.
And if you really understand male sexuality and their sexual fantasies, it will give you tremendous self confidence and power.
Some of the things guys want sexually are pretty brutal, but my job is to tell you the truth. Sorry =-) because I am pretty much sure that most women just do not know what do men want sexually.
So, ladies I request you to read this guide until the end.
These facts will open your eyes and change your perception about men and sex.
Fact #1: He Wants/Needs More Sex
“Women have sex when they feel emotionally connected. Men feel connected when they have sex.”
Most men have a deep need for sex on a regular basis.
How regular really depends on the guy (some guys are happy with a couple times a month, others want to have sex every day).
The key here is not to put a number on exactly how often you have sex with your man or how often you make him hard.
But that you understand that regular, engaged, FUN sex (and not just “making love”) is a huge part of the care and feeding of a man.
And that agreeing to have sex regularly is just part of being in a relationship.
Now, one thing I hear from women a lot when I say this kind of thing is.
“But Manish, He Hasn’t Earned It. I Want Him to Seduce Me!!”
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know.
You want your guy to crawl over broken glass and slay a dragon to prove his devotion before finally giving him the gift of your flower. Or something.
Here’s my question for you:
Do you want to be right or do you want to get what you want?
Do you want to FORCE HIM to do a bunch of stuff he doesn’t actually want to do and build up a bunch of resentment.
Do you want to make him cum hard easily?
Or do you want to have a guy who adores you, who worships your body, who makes every cell in you catch fire, and is obsessed with keeping you safe by his side?
I get emails from a lot of women asking why the spark has gone out of their relationship, why he looks at other women and why the sex just isn’t as good as it used to be.
A lot of it has to do with the conquest stuff I talked about before, but there’s also the fact that expectations of gender roles can really kill a couple’s sex life.
Plain and simple, if you want to have a great long-term relationship with your man, you need to make sex a priority.
And do everything you can to make sure you guys are getting close on a regular basis even if you’re not particularly in the mood for sex because men want sex and they crave variety.
The cool thing is that if you take the lead here, he should eventually get the point and start giving you the seduction you want so much.
Fact #2: He Thinks You’re Sexually Selfish and Boring in Bed
This is one of those things guys will NEVER bring up with their women but that we talk about with our guy friends all the time. Many guys I surveyed in my email list mentioned it a LOT.
Most women (especially hot women) are really boring and selfish in bed.
Actually, when I was single I had an observation about model quality beautiful women.
The more beautiful a woman was, the more likely she was to be absolutely awful between the sheets.
I don’t know if it’s a religion thing or a culture thing or what, but a lot of women seem to think that letting a man have sex with them is the greatest gift they can give.
But our email survey respondents absolutely hated this attitude. One guy said:
“The number one thing I would want my wife to know but would never tell her is that I would like to try a different sex position besides doggie style. I have a t-shirt with a different position for every day of the year on it. Hint!!”
Other guys just flat out said, “She’s awful in bed.”
Now, obviously this isn’t true of EVERY woman or every relationship, and a lot of woman have totally ninja sexual skills.
But a lot of guys really do seem petrified of telling their wives or girlfriends that her sexual skills just aren’t up to par (why aren’t men honest about sex with their women?
Because we’re afraid of your reaction).
I think it’s also that guys think if they ever made a peep about being dissatisfied, their women would just cut off sex altogether.
He’d rather have a beer, but he’ll take water in a pinch.
The main take away here is that men want sex and lot of sex and that is also one of the reasons why men watch porn.
And sex isn’t something you let a guy do to you (we hate that attitude).
Your guy wants you to be an equal participant in sex. . . to enjoy him as much as he enjoys you.
Fact #3: He Wants You to be His Slut
Like I said before, the majority of a man’s sexual pleasure comes from his ability to give YOU incredible pleasure.
And most of a guy’s insecurity comes from feeling sexually inadequate and incapable of giving you pleasure.
To feel sexually satisfied, a man needs you to embrace your own sexuality, let go of your insecurities, and be his slut.
Now the word “slut” gets a really bad rap.
And I don’t mean that he wants you to become some nymphomaniac or to come on to his friends or anything like that (OK, some guys do want that).
What I mean is that he wants to feel like he turns you on so much you can’t help yourself.
That his masculine power is so overwhelming to you that it wears down your resistance and insecurity and awakens the slut within.
And he wants to feel like you’ll only do that for HIM.
That your devotion and attraction to him is so strong that he wakes your desires like no other man can and you make him hard like no other women can.
Fact #4: He Wants You to Initiate Sex (Trust Me That’s What Men Want Sexually)
This is a huge complaint guys have, especially when we’re sitting around the bar getting 3 sheets to the wind.
The fact is, most women don’t initiate sex at all and this causes two huge problems:
It causes a guy to feel unattractive or unwanted (yes, guys have feelings).
It turns sex into a chore for him instead of something fun and connected.
Listen, most guys don’t really like foreplay (until you teach them how to do it right).
To most guys, foreplay is a series of arcane steps you have to go through to get the few minutes of carnal pleasure you’ve been dreaming of all day.
And sometimes a guy will do the math in his head and just figure that it’s not worth it.
Read this example below to understand better.
“Wow, Carol looks really good today.
I could go over there, nibble on her neck, rub her shoulders, say sexy things in her ear for half an hour and then maybe get laid. . .
or I could take a nap. Yeah, a nap is safer. She might turn me down anyway.”
I’ll talk about this in a second, but most guys don’t ever feel truly desired.
Even if you only initiate sex with your guy 1 time out of 4 it will absolutely blow his mind.
One of our email survey respondents put it:
“I want you to WANT to fuck me instead of HAVE to fuck me.” This is what men want sexually.
Fact #5: He Wants to be Objectified by You
WHOA! This’ll be fun.
I remember the first time I felt sexually objectified. I was 26. I’d been going to the gym for the first time in my life.
I suddenly had biceps and my gut had shrunk.
I was on the dance floor shaking my ass when I felt a weird feeling: eyes on me.
Lust coming at me. I’d never felt that way before. I’d never felt WANTED like that before.
I scanned the crowd to figure out who was looking at me.
And then I saw a big hairy guy with a grin across his face. Why couldn’t women look at me like that?
I said this a second ago, but most guys never feel sexually wanted or desired (unless they’re getting hit on by gay guys, which is kind of flattering but not what I’m into).
A lot of this has to do with male sexual desire versus female sexual desire.
As a woman, you know all about male sexual desire.
How a man will undress you with his eyes and grit his teeth.
How he’ll look at you like a piece of meat. But women (by and large) don’t do that. And it’s really a shame.
Most guy’s I’ve talked to have no idea what it’s like to be objectified by a woman.
To be looked at by a woman as a sexually desirable person.
To be looked at as a body that a woman wants.
And it sucks. Seriously.
We’ll never talk about it (OK, I will) but just like women, men want to be WANTED. We want to be desired. We want to be LUSTED after.
Look at a man as a piece of meat. Give him a compliment on his ass or his biceps.
Let him catch you just staring at him.
He’ll be shocked by it. He won’t quite know what to do with it. But it will do wonders for his self esteem and make him want you sexually.
QUICK ASIDE: A lot of folks think objectification is a bad thing.
I couldn’t disagree more. I’ve gone on record for years as being pro objectification.
There’s nothing wrong with objectifying someone–male or female–as long as you also realize they’re more than just a body and are a real human being.
Fact #6: Withholding Sex Just Causes Resentment.
If you’re using sex as a carrot or a stick in fights, stop.
Seriously, I can tell you from my own experience and from the thousands of guys I’ve talked to that withholding sex causes deep and brutal wounds to a relationship.
Remember, men use sex to bond and feel close to a woman.
If you withhold sex, you’re pushing your man further and further away, causing massive resentment and dramatically extending any fight you have.
So what do you do instead?
Instead of withholding sex to try to force your guy to do what you want or to apologize, you should instead use sex as a way to strengthen your bond with a guy and get him to want to make up.
The easiest way to do this is to use a simple two part fight destroyer comment that simultaneously bonds your man to you, makes him feel like a wanted sexual being, and cuts the bad times in your relationship in half.
What do you do?
Simple. After a fight you simply say “I’m furious at you right now, but I want you so bad.”
Seriously. Sex is a great way to work out anger and aggression in a relationship anyway. Try it.
Fact #7: He Wants a Blow Job (And He Wants You to Enjoy It)
My friend Cassidy Lyon actually have a whole program on this Watch This Video Here (the video is hilarious).
The main thing to understand here is that a blow job isn’t just about a blow job. It’s about worship.
I mean, the guys who took my survey are never going to say “I want her to worship me.” But they will say “I want a blow job.” And it’s really the same thing.
A while ago my wife asked my why guys go to strip clubs.
“Is it because he’s not happy at home?” she asked. And I said, “No.”
“Is it because he wants to look at other women?” she asked. And I said, “Kind of.”
But the real reason men go to strip clubs is because it’s the one place in the world most guys can go to really be appreciated and worshipped by a woman (even though it’s totally fake and costs them a bunch of money).
Remember, most men NEVER feel sexually wanted or appreciated throughout their entire lives.
So much of sex is about a man’s ego, and there’s simply nothing that makes a man feel more sexually wanted or appreciated than a blow job.
A great blow job (where you eagerly give him head without expecting anything in return) does wonders for a man’s self esteem and satisfaction.
Fact #8: He’s Kinkier Than You Think
Threesomes (yes, all guys want threesomes. It’s a power thing), sex toys, BDSM, bondage prostate stimulation, anal sex (also a power thing.
He wants to be the guy you surrender everything to.
Not my thing, but many guys are really into it).
Honestly, the guy’s survey results in my email list are SO dirty it even makes me blush.
The important thing to realize here is that these are results from regular, normal guys.
Like I said before, all men are perverts to some degree or another.
The reason he doesn’t bring this stuff up to you is because he’s afraid of your reaction.
Will you hate him if he tells you about his threesome fantasies?
Will you run for the hills if he says he wants to tie you up (or wants to be tied up)?
Will you freak out if he says he has fantasies about you with other men? (This one is shockingly common.)
You don’t need to act out every kink and fantasy he may have.
But you do need to realize that this stuff is probably right below the surface for him.
If you take the lead, he’ll probably light up like a fire cracker.
And that’s that. For more, dig through the survey results.
Before we finish up this article on what do men want sexually, I want to talk about one more concept that will give you tremendous power to give men sexual pleasure.
I call this concept. . .
The Beast in Him
If you’ve read through this whole section, you know better than almost any woman on this planet that men’s sexuality and sexual desires are darker, deeper, and more powerful than we ever talk about.
The way I like to put it is that every man has a “beast” in him.
A hairy, grunting, angry, violent thing that just wants to ravage every woman it sees.
And like I said before, most guys spend hours of every day reining that beast in.
Holding tight to that leash. Doing everything we can to seem calm and civilized.
But the beast wants out.
And if the beast never gets to come out (if a guy never feels like he can let his real sexual desires out), it will gnaw at the insides of him.
It will chew on his heart and his soul.
As a woman, you’ve got an amazing power over a man.
The power to give him permission to let the beast out.
To show that you understand his desire and his lust and you’re not afraid of it.
To show him that you love him for being a man, desire him for being a man, appreciate him for being a man.
How do you actually do that?
You invite him to ravage you.
I remember the first time a woman did this to me.
It was one of the most powerful and emotional experiences of my life.
“You can do whatever you want to me,” she said. And looking into her eyes, I knew she meant it.
And for the next few hours, I knew I could take the editor off.
I knew I could stop pretending to be a civilized guy and just be the grunting beast I was inside.
No worrying about being too rough with her. No worrying about what she would think about me afterwards. No being nice.
Honestly, it was a very emotional experience for me.
Being accepted like that. Letting that pent up aggression out.
When we were done, I felt truly relaxed and empty for the first time in years.
Sex is how adults play.
It’s how we work out our anxieties and our fears and our desires.
It’s how we make ourselves feel powerful and important and loved even in the darkest of times.
Whew. Big Article (not really a surprise). Here are the core points on what men want sexually.
All men are perverts. Being a guy means having a constant flood of sexual desire thrumming through our veins.
We all have incredibly dirty thoughts and desires on a daily basis. We don’t tell you about it because we think you’ll freak out.
What sex REALLY means to men. Sex for men isn’t REALLY about emotional connection (ok, sometimes) or physical pleasure (ok, a little).
It’s about power, validation, dominance, ego, and the satisfaction that comes from doing what we were designed for.
Watch pornography made for guys and you’ll realize that it’s all about the pleasure a man causes a woman (or forces a woman) to have.
Very little of sex is about a man’s physical pleasure (until they really learn to focus on themselves as a sexual creature).
Most men have a depth of need and a depth of SHAME around sex.
Men NEED sex to be happy in a relationship. Quantity matters (and so does quality).
Part of the experience of being a man is constantly holding back our sexual desires.
We’re not allowed to act on our lusts and it drives us nuts. It’s hard.
My email Survey results teach us 8 facts about what do men want sexually.
He wants and needs MORE sex. The best way to make a relationship better is to have MORE sex with your partner (and remove any barriers to having more sex. Don’t make him earn it all the time).
He thinks you’re sexually selfish in bed. Most women make men do all the work and many women have never put any thought toward being a better lover or giving men what we really need.
Sex is a skill and one worth mastering.
He wants you to be his slut. He wants to cause (or even force) you to have amazing pleasure.
His ability to make you his feeds his ego and gives him incredible pleasure.
He wants you to initiate sex. Not all the time, but at least 1 time out of 4 you need to be the one to start things up.
Seduce him. He’ll be shocked and he’ll love it.
He wants to be objectified by you. Most women are horrible at making men feel objectified and wanted physically.
Being looked at with actual lust is an incredible gift you can give a man. He wants you to WANT to fuck him instead of have to fuck him.
Withholding sex just causes resentment. Withholding sex is the absolute worst way to get a man to do something.
It does irreparable damage to your relationship and makes sex into a weapon instead of something fun that you share.
Instead of withholding sex, say, “I’m mad at you right now but I really want you.” Use sex to heal arguments, not to extend them.
He wants a blow job (and he wants you to enjoy it). A blow job isn’t just a blow job, it’s a way to worship your man (and all men want to be worshipped by their women).
He’s kinkier than you think. He wants more than just vanilla sex. Way more. Probably.
This really goes back to male sexual shame. He’s petrified of telling you what he really wants sexually.
I will stop here. I believe you loved reading this guide on what do men want sexually.
Now before you leave. I want you to Watch This Powerful Video Presentation Below. Trust me you’ll just love it.
My name is Manish Yadav and I’m the owner of the blog "Love Finds its Way". My advice does away with the manipulations and mind games recommended by magazines and the surface level advice of TV gurus… We’ll dive DEEP into the psychology and biology of desire and give you actionable steps you can use today. Over 900,000 men & women have transformed their relationships as a result, and I've been featured in Lifehack, Return of Kings, Menimprovement, Urban Dater, and so on... ...and no... We're not here to play games so you can manipulate your significant other... ...My only intention is to help you and your partner have a healthy and loving relationship by working on your intimacy with each other. And we’re just getting started!
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